I am an insurgent in my own marriage.
That thought hit me Tuesday as I was picking up my husband Thomas Friedman's tube socks and BVDs off up the floor. Not all on the floor, mind you. Thomas Friedman can never seem to carry anything to the hamper in the bathroom. He is, however, handy at hanging his dirty underwear from door knobs. It appears to be his idea of a cute little greeting. Some spouses leave little love notes, Thomas Friedman leaves his not so tight and not so white y-fronts.
I was attempting to get the stains out when Thomas Friedman came stomping into the kitchen, in his shorty robe, natch.
"Bettina," he screeched in that nasal tone that I've come to loathe more than any other sound, "I need help!"
"And I need a vacation," I thought but did not say.
He stuck out his chest and cleared his throat although he failed to check his ego. As he blathered on in that self-deluded, self-important manner, I pictured his mustache springing to life and tightening around his neck.
He read his first sentence, "On the question of whether China's Cnooc oil company should be permitted by the U.S. government to purchase the U.S. oil and gas company Unocal, my view is very simple: let the market rule."
Right away I burst out laughing.
Thomas Friedman grinned proudly.
"I wasn't sure it started off funny enough!" he declared with no sense of modesty.
"My view is very simple" is pretty damn funny and pretty damn true when it comes to Thomas Friedman but I didn't say that.
What I said was, "It's priceless."
He droned on and I fantasized about his mustache turning into two fists that took turns punching his smug face. I left my fantasy long enough to hear "If I seem uninterested in this matter, I am."
Honesty always is the best problem. And isn't Thomas Friedman always uninterested if the subject isn't him.
"It's funny?" Thomas Friedman asked excitedly.
"Hilarious," I told him.
He got to some phrase that was overreaching even for him, something about "Tiananmen-Texas Bargain."
It was clumsy, even for him. Usually he's just corny as he reaches for his puns but this one wasn't even worth a groan.
Naturally, I praised it and told him he must leave it in.
"We are Siamese twins, but most unlikely ones - joined at the hip, but not identical. That's a problem."
Did that sentence even work medically? I don't think so. But of course I told him it was one of his finest moments.
So Wednesday, his column was in the paper. And I'd reassured any doubts he'd had.
People are scratching their heads over this. Some are saying that Thomas Friedman has finally lost it. Finally?
What's that supposed to mean? Like he was the picture of sanity prior?
As someone who has hand washed his under things, I don't see him as the model of sanity. A grown man who appears unable or unwilling to use toilet paper when it's needed?
I see him as an overgrown baby. And not just due to all of his sex games where I have to put on the Peggy Noonan mask while he pretends he is William Safire and I have to change his adult diapers.
He got a call from Gail Collins today. She wanted to discuss his Friday column.
"She is checking in, she is making me give her approval over my columns!" Thomas Friedman roared after he had slammed down the phone. "Me! The great Thomas Friedman! Her knowledge of editing consists of staring at the McDonald's menu and thinking up other ways to use 'Mac' as a prefix!"
The might Thomas Friedman is not so mighty now.
He has been brought down. By his own ego.
I used it against him. And I realize now that I am an insurgent in my own marriage.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Friday, July 15, 2005
Friedman on the Fourth Pt. II
"Say your damn prayers, Kristof," Thomas Friedman, the less and less great each day, to Nicky K.
If you're thinking the line should come along holding hands with "And reach for the sky!" then you're obviously late to the party.
It was a cook out. A picnic on the roof. It was Monday, the Fourth of July. Thomas Friedman was wearing his shorty robe but he'd long since tossed aside the "Kiss the Chef" apron. We'd had song, we'd had drama and now we were left overcooked burgers as a result of Thomas Friedman, overcooked to the point that one longed for merely "burned." I'd followed Mrs. K's lead and tossed my burger over the ledge. We were both eating cole slaw burgers utilizing the coleslaw Mrs. K had brought (ask her for the recipe, she makes wonderful cole slaw). Others weren't so fortunate.
Patti Nelson Limerick, a would be op-ed-ist, was along for reasons no one was clear on.
Proving herself to be a really round the way gal (or else just stupid, Mrs. K and I voted for the latter), Patti had plunged in "with both hands, gripping with all ten digits, to embrace and encompass that which both surrounds and penetrates." Lots of words, but get them out now, Patti, before your kneeling at the toilet and the bugers coming back up.
Since we were all paired up, Nicky & Mrs. K, myself and my husband Thomas Friedman, Patti was odd woman out, a title she's no doubt held for longer than any can remember.
Not wanting to offend Thomas Friedman or maybe just scared of another repeat of the last "you are so dead to me, Kristof" scene that played like Bette Davis and Joan Crawford on really bad benders as the words, fur, and soda crackers flew (largely into Nicky K's eye), Nicky K couldn't find it in him to say "No, no, I will not eat the burger!"
Patti's dithering smile revealed she'd lost a good portions of the crowns and caps as she merrily chomped away on the brick burger. Nicky K wasn't willing to sacrifice his own dental health but he didn't have it in him to stand up to Thomas Friedman. (Insert standard, self-aggrandizing Thomas Friedman boast here.) So Nicky K had stalled for time. Currently, we all waited for him to say the prayer he demanded necessary before he could eat the brick burger. After the saying of grace, it would get ugly.
"Our father, who art in heaven," Nicky K began bowing his head while Thomas Friedman grunted. "Thank you for this food. Please protect Judith and all the anonymice. Protect us from fact checkers and look kindly on even those of us who appear to create cab drivers out of thin air . . ."
On that part all eyes, went to Thomas Friedman who snorted.
"Kirstof, as usual, you waste too many words," Friedman complained. "Good eats, Great Man, thanks."
Friedman smiled at everyone including Patti who grinned at him vaguely, or maybe that's her natural look, with chipped teeth flashing.
"Me. I'm the great man," Thomas Friedman oh so modestly explained.
Patti burst out laughing. For a moment, I almost liked her. Almost.
"Yes, you are!" Patti squealed. "We all are, we tap into our inner psyches and navigate the emotional waters of our turgid souls in search of an elevated reason for the human condition that might we all acknowledge is life?"
As she waited for some sort of response, Thomas Friedman lept in.
"You had your prayers, sissy boy," Thomas Friedman said pointing at Nicky K, "now eat that burger."
We all leaned forward waiting to see what would happen. Would Nicky K cave? His wife hoped he wouldn't. I remember when I used to root for my husband too. A lot easier not to root for him when he is Thomas Friedman.
Nicky K pulled the brick burger up to his mouth. He opened his mouth. Good Lord, he was going to eat it! Didn't he learn anything from Patti losing both her caps and her own teeth?
No, he didn't.
He was going to chew.
He was about to bite down.
"I can't do it!" Nicky K cried out.
Thomas Friedman looked pissed.
"You will eat the fruits of my grill, Kristof," Thomas Friedman huffed.
"Of course, I will," Nicky K said breathlessly. "But I can't continue to the lie."
Thomas Friedman's bushy eyebrows went into twitching overdrive.
"What? What is this? I demand you tell me!"
"Bettina!" Nicky K said pointing at me.
Now all eyes were on me.
"She's stopped reading your columns!" Nicky K exclaimed.
Thomas Friedman gasped, clutched his chest and began jumping up and down while moaning. This was especially bothersome since he was wearing, remember, the shorty robe. For the "all over tan," remember? We were looking at Thomas and the Friedmans whether we wanted to or not. Patti seemed to want to.
While this was going on, Nicky K hurled his brick burger like a frisbee, no complete idiot he.
I heard the window across the street break but everyone was watching Thomas Friedman gasp and howl.
"Yes, it's true," I finally admitted just to end the drama before Thomas Friedman went completely Baby Jane on us. I knew I didn't want to know whatever happened to Baby Jane Friedman.
Long story short, I've been stuck reading every piece of drivel he types. Not just the columns themselves, but anything he writes. The other day, he wrote a letter to his mother. It started off "Dearest good mother, good because you birthed me, but not great because you aren't me,
How are you?" It only got worse.
Then he decided he'd try his hand at the Times crosswords. He's never managed to finish one yet but I'm still expected to look it over and say things like, "6 across, five letter word for what we all seek. 'PENIS.' Great job, Thomas Friedman." Now the word was clearly "PEACE" but you can't disagree with Thomas Friedman.
The Fourth of July was always one of my favorite holidays, what with the food, the fireworks, the day off. Now it's just the day when I got sentenced. Doing my time on OpEd Row.
If you're thinking the line should come along holding hands with "And reach for the sky!" then you're obviously late to the party.
It was a cook out. A picnic on the roof. It was Monday, the Fourth of July. Thomas Friedman was wearing his shorty robe but he'd long since tossed aside the "Kiss the Chef" apron. We'd had song, we'd had drama and now we were left overcooked burgers as a result of Thomas Friedman, overcooked to the point that one longed for merely "burned." I'd followed Mrs. K's lead and tossed my burger over the ledge. We were both eating cole slaw burgers utilizing the coleslaw Mrs. K had brought (ask her for the recipe, she makes wonderful cole slaw). Others weren't so fortunate.
Patti Nelson Limerick, a would be op-ed-ist, was along for reasons no one was clear on.
Proving herself to be a really round the way gal (or else just stupid, Mrs. K and I voted for the latter), Patti had plunged in "with both hands, gripping with all ten digits, to embrace and encompass that which both surrounds and penetrates." Lots of words, but get them out now, Patti, before your kneeling at the toilet and the bugers coming back up.
Since we were all paired up, Nicky & Mrs. K, myself and my husband Thomas Friedman, Patti was odd woman out, a title she's no doubt held for longer than any can remember.
Not wanting to offend Thomas Friedman or maybe just scared of another repeat of the last "you are so dead to me, Kristof" scene that played like Bette Davis and Joan Crawford on really bad benders as the words, fur, and soda crackers flew (largely into Nicky K's eye), Nicky K couldn't find it in him to say "No, no, I will not eat the burger!"
Patti's dithering smile revealed she'd lost a good portions of the crowns and caps as she merrily chomped away on the brick burger. Nicky K wasn't willing to sacrifice his own dental health but he didn't have it in him to stand up to Thomas Friedman. (Insert standard, self-aggrandizing Thomas Friedman boast here.) So Nicky K had stalled for time. Currently, we all waited for him to say the prayer he demanded necessary before he could eat the brick burger. After the saying of grace, it would get ugly.
"Our father, who art in heaven," Nicky K began bowing his head while Thomas Friedman grunted. "Thank you for this food. Please protect Judith and all the anonymice. Protect us from fact checkers and look kindly on even those of us who appear to create cab drivers out of thin air . . ."
On that part all eyes, went to Thomas Friedman who snorted.
"Kirstof, as usual, you waste too many words," Friedman complained. "Good eats, Great Man, thanks."
Friedman smiled at everyone including Patti who grinned at him vaguely, or maybe that's her natural look, with chipped teeth flashing.
"Me. I'm the great man," Thomas Friedman oh so modestly explained.
Patti burst out laughing. For a moment, I almost liked her. Almost.
"Yes, you are!" Patti squealed. "We all are, we tap into our inner psyches and navigate the emotional waters of our turgid souls in search of an elevated reason for the human condition that might we all acknowledge is life?"
As she waited for some sort of response, Thomas Friedman lept in.
"You had your prayers, sissy boy," Thomas Friedman said pointing at Nicky K, "now eat that burger."
We all leaned forward waiting to see what would happen. Would Nicky K cave? His wife hoped he wouldn't. I remember when I used to root for my husband too. A lot easier not to root for him when he is Thomas Friedman.
Nicky K pulled the brick burger up to his mouth. He opened his mouth. Good Lord, he was going to eat it! Didn't he learn anything from Patti losing both her caps and her own teeth?
No, he didn't.
He was going to chew.
He was about to bite down.
"I can't do it!" Nicky K cried out.
Thomas Friedman looked pissed.
"You will eat the fruits of my grill, Kristof," Thomas Friedman huffed.
"Of course, I will," Nicky K said breathlessly. "But I can't continue to the lie."
Thomas Friedman's bushy eyebrows went into twitching overdrive.
"What? What is this? I demand you tell me!"
"Bettina!" Nicky K said pointing at me.
Now all eyes were on me.
"She's stopped reading your columns!" Nicky K exclaimed.
Thomas Friedman gasped, clutched his chest and began jumping up and down while moaning. This was especially bothersome since he was wearing, remember, the shorty robe. For the "all over tan," remember? We were looking at Thomas and the Friedmans whether we wanted to or not. Patti seemed to want to.
While this was going on, Nicky K hurled his brick burger like a frisbee, no complete idiot he.
I heard the window across the street break but everyone was watching Thomas Friedman gasp and howl.
"Yes, it's true," I finally admitted just to end the drama before Thomas Friedman went completely Baby Jane on us. I knew I didn't want to know whatever happened to Baby Jane Friedman.
Long story short, I've been stuck reading every piece of drivel he types. Not just the columns themselves, but anything he writes. The other day, he wrote a letter to his mother. It started off "Dearest good mother, good because you birthed me, but not great because you aren't me,
How are you?" It only got worse.
Then he decided he'd try his hand at the Times crosswords. He's never managed to finish one yet but I'm still expected to look it over and say things like, "6 across, five letter word for what we all seek. 'PENIS.' Great job, Thomas Friedman." Now the word was clearly "PEACE" but you can't disagree with Thomas Friedman.
The Fourth of July was always one of my favorite holidays, what with the food, the fireworks, the day off. Now it's just the day when I got sentenced. Doing my time on OpEd Row.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Found in the newspaper
Editorial: Time to Head On Home
To quote the Beatles "I read the news today, oh boy." A quick scan of the headlines on BuzzFlash reveal what we already knew, the Bully Boy's not made us safer. We see links to stories on the feelings of the British. (Similar to Pru's feelings expressed at The Common Ills.) C.I. and Dallas go international and end up with Tony Allen-Mills and Andrew North's "Downed US Seals may have got too close to Bin Laden" (Sunday Times of London) about "the worst incident in the history of the Seals." Not a credit the Bully Boy needs right now after dragging his feet for almost four years since Sept. 11th. What was "Wanted Dead or Alive?" A provocative personal ad? It certainly wasn't anything with meaning.
Then there's Michael Smith's "UK in talks to hand Iraq role to Australia" (also Sunday Times of London):
BRITAIN is negotiating with Australia to hand over military command of southern Iraq to free up British troops for redeployment to the front line in Afghanistan.
An announcement is expected within weeks that several thousand British soldiers are to be sent to Afghanistan.
The coalition of Operation Enduring Falsehood continues to shrink.And folks, we're just getting started.
Still sticking with The Sunday Times of London, check out Hala Jaber's "Allawi: this is the start of civil war:"
IRAQ’S former interim prime minister Iyad Allawi has warned that his country is facing civil war and has predicted dire consequences for Europe and America as well as the Middle East if the crisis is not resolved.
"The problem is that the Americans have no vision and no clear policy on how to go about in Iraq," said Allawi, a long-time ally of Washington.
In an interview with The Sunday Times last week as he visited Amman, the Jordanian capital, he said: "The policy should be of building national unity in Iraq. Without this we will most certainly slip into a civil war. We are practically in stage one of a civil war as we speak."
Occupations will lead to civil wars. No surprise there. To resentment, to anger and to violence.Or how about this UPI article linked to at Iraq Coalition Casualties? The link's bad(they don't have the full web address in the link) but look at what you can read:
07/09/05 upi:
Iraq war results in at least 254 amputees
Army hospitals treated 254 amputees from the Iraq war...Nearly 19,000 soldiers have been medically evacuated ...There were 2,527 evacuated with battle injuries, 5,444 with non-battle injuries and 10,758 with disease.
At The Independent, Andy McSmith's "Leaked memo shows Iraq pull-out plans" only makes the point more clear about who's still wanting to dance with Bully Boy and who's called a taxi for the ride home:
Almost two thirds of the 8,500 British troops in Iraq will have been pulled out by the end of next year, under plans drawn up in Whitehall to hand over two provinces to Iraqi control.
The plan set out in a leaked memo written by the Defence Secretary John Reid, hints that the Government is keen to cut the heavy cost of patrolling southern Iraq.
The memo calculates that the current cost of the British presence in Iraq, around £1bn a year, could be halved if the number of troops were reduced to 3,000 during 2006. The memo implies that the British would formally hand over control to the Iraqis of the four provinces currently under British control by April 2006, but that it take another eight months before what the memo calls the "UK military drawdown" has been completed - and 18 months before the money comes through.
Are we starting to get the picture yet? The public is. They want the troops home. Polls show that. It's just the media and our leaders that are too timid to address it. "Stay the course!" they chant. This "cakewalk" has now lasted over two years. Donald Rumsfeld says twelve is a possiblity. "Cakewalk?"
How do you define "success" in Iraq? That's difficult since the reasons for the invasion/occupation constantly shift. But it's not been a cakewalk, this war of choice. And we haven't made the world safer for anyone. Iraq's not safer. We're not safer. The London bombings prove the fly paper theory was crap.
Now we're supposed to let the ones who brought us this war go back to the drawing board to . . . think up new excuses? They had no planning other than (as Naomi Klein pointed out in "Baghdad Year Zero") to have a tag sale on the Iraqi assets. Even the Operation Happy Talkers seem to have a case of cat got their tongues. (Sadly, we're sure this is a momentary condition.)
If sane people can agree that the illegal occupation is a disaster for everyone involved (outside of those profitting from the war), how much are we willing to give to "stay the course?" We want the body counts to double? When do we reach the point that we say enough?
We steer to you to "Should This Marriage Be Saved?" and ask at what point do we take a realistic look at what's going on? Pig-headed is not a virtue. It's not sane. It's not logical. And it's only going to get more people killed.
The Bully Boy has sullied this nation's name. He's trashed treaties and conventions. He's had a five-year frat party at our expense. At some point, we need to roll up our sleeves and do some cleaning. And that means tossing in the garbage the notion that after two years of the "cake walk" this is anything like what was sold to us.
"Stay the course?" We say "head on home." Head on home to what America is supposed to stand for. On what America is supposed to represent. This invasion/occupation isn't what America's supposed to be about. So let's all grow up, sober up and realize that the Bully Boy's taken us on a two-year bender. Comes a time when you gotta head home. It's past time for that.
Iraq had no WMD. It was not a threat to us ("mushroom cloud," Condi?). Someone lied us into war. They took us off course. It's time to get back to what America's all about and it's time to realize that drunk slurring his words and telling us he knows another bar that's still open isn't anyone we want to get a car in with. We're ready to head on home and return to the lives we should be leading. Lives that don't involve wars built on lies. Lives that don't involve trying to impose a system on a people who didn't ask for us to be there. Lives that don't involve falling for the latest Operation Happy Talk. Lives that are reality-based. Bar's closing, let's all head on home. At least the ones who still have that option, the ones who didn't give their lives to a war of choice, one that should have been avoided.
[Note: Since these editorials tend to get reposted elsewhere, we'll note this was written by The Third Estate Sunday Review crew of Jim, Dona, Ty, Jess and Ava as well as by C.I. of The Common Ills, Rebecca of Sex and Politics and Screeds and Attitude, Kat of Kat's Korner, Mike of Mikey Likes It! and Betty of Thomas Friedman is a Great Man.]
posted by Third Estate Sunday Review @ Sunday, July 10, 2005
To quote the Beatles "I read the news today, oh boy." A quick scan of the headlines on BuzzFlash reveal what we already knew, the Bully Boy's not made us safer. We see links to stories on the feelings of the British. (Similar to Pru's feelings expressed at The Common Ills.) C.I. and Dallas go international and end up with Tony Allen-Mills and Andrew North's "Downed US Seals may have got too close to Bin Laden" (Sunday Times of London) about "the worst incident in the history of the Seals." Not a credit the Bully Boy needs right now after dragging his feet for almost four years since Sept. 11th. What was "Wanted Dead or Alive?" A provocative personal ad? It certainly wasn't anything with meaning.
Then there's Michael Smith's "UK in talks to hand Iraq role to Australia" (also Sunday Times of London):
BRITAIN is negotiating with Australia to hand over military command of southern Iraq to free up British troops for redeployment to the front line in Afghanistan.
An announcement is expected within weeks that several thousand British soldiers are to be sent to Afghanistan.
The coalition of Operation Enduring Falsehood continues to shrink.And folks, we're just getting started.
Still sticking with The Sunday Times of London, check out Hala Jaber's "Allawi: this is the start of civil war:"
IRAQ’S former interim prime minister Iyad Allawi has warned that his country is facing civil war and has predicted dire consequences for Europe and America as well as the Middle East if the crisis is not resolved.
"The problem is that the Americans have no vision and no clear policy on how to go about in Iraq," said Allawi, a long-time ally of Washington.
In an interview with The Sunday Times last week as he visited Amman, the Jordanian capital, he said: "The policy should be of building national unity in Iraq. Without this we will most certainly slip into a civil war. We are practically in stage one of a civil war as we speak."
Occupations will lead to civil wars. No surprise there. To resentment, to anger and to violence.Or how about this UPI article linked to at Iraq Coalition Casualties? The link's bad(they don't have the full web address in the link) but look at what you can read:
07/09/05 upi:
Iraq war results in at least 254 amputees
Army hospitals treated 254 amputees from the Iraq war...Nearly 19,000 soldiers have been medically evacuated ...There were 2,527 evacuated with battle injuries, 5,444 with non-battle injuries and 10,758 with disease.
At The Independent, Andy McSmith's "Leaked memo shows Iraq pull-out plans" only makes the point more clear about who's still wanting to dance with Bully Boy and who's called a taxi for the ride home:
Almost two thirds of the 8,500 British troops in Iraq will have been pulled out by the end of next year, under plans drawn up in Whitehall to hand over two provinces to Iraqi control.
The plan set out in a leaked memo written by the Defence Secretary John Reid, hints that the Government is keen to cut the heavy cost of patrolling southern Iraq.
The memo calculates that the current cost of the British presence in Iraq, around £1bn a year, could be halved if the number of troops were reduced to 3,000 during 2006. The memo implies that the British would formally hand over control to the Iraqis of the four provinces currently under British control by April 2006, but that it take another eight months before what the memo calls the "UK military drawdown" has been completed - and 18 months before the money comes through.
Are we starting to get the picture yet? The public is. They want the troops home. Polls show that. It's just the media and our leaders that are too timid to address it. "Stay the course!" they chant. This "cakewalk" has now lasted over two years. Donald Rumsfeld says twelve is a possiblity. "Cakewalk?"
How do you define "success" in Iraq? That's difficult since the reasons for the invasion/occupation constantly shift. But it's not been a cakewalk, this war of choice. And we haven't made the world safer for anyone. Iraq's not safer. We're not safer. The London bombings prove the fly paper theory was crap.
Now we're supposed to let the ones who brought us this war go back to the drawing board to . . . think up new excuses? They had no planning other than (as Naomi Klein pointed out in "Baghdad Year Zero") to have a tag sale on the Iraqi assets. Even the Operation Happy Talkers seem to have a case of cat got their tongues. (Sadly, we're sure this is a momentary condition.)
If sane people can agree that the illegal occupation is a disaster for everyone involved (outside of those profitting from the war), how much are we willing to give to "stay the course?" We want the body counts to double? When do we reach the point that we say enough?
We steer to you to "Should This Marriage Be Saved?" and ask at what point do we take a realistic look at what's going on? Pig-headed is not a virtue. It's not sane. It's not logical. And it's only going to get more people killed.
The Bully Boy has sullied this nation's name. He's trashed treaties and conventions. He's had a five-year frat party at our expense. At some point, we need to roll up our sleeves and do some cleaning. And that means tossing in the garbage the notion that after two years of the "cake walk" this is anything like what was sold to us.
"Stay the course?" We say "head on home." Head on home to what America is supposed to stand for. On what America is supposed to represent. This invasion/occupation isn't what America's supposed to be about. So let's all grow up, sober up and realize that the Bully Boy's taken us on a two-year bender. Comes a time when you gotta head home. It's past time for that.
Iraq had no WMD. It was not a threat to us ("mushroom cloud," Condi?). Someone lied us into war. They took us off course. It's time to get back to what America's all about and it's time to realize that drunk slurring his words and telling us he knows another bar that's still open isn't anyone we want to get a car in with. We're ready to head on home and return to the lives we should be leading. Lives that don't involve wars built on lies. Lives that don't involve trying to impose a system on a people who didn't ask for us to be there. Lives that don't involve falling for the latest Operation Happy Talk. Lives that are reality-based. Bar's closing, let's all head on home. At least the ones who still have that option, the ones who didn't give their lives to a war of choice, one that should have been avoided.
[Note: Since these editorials tend to get reposted elsewhere, we'll note this was written by The Third Estate Sunday Review crew of Jim, Dona, Ty, Jess and Ava as well as by C.I. of The Common Ills, Rebecca of Sex and Politics and Screeds and Attitude, Kat of Kat's Korner, Mike of Mikey Likes It! and Betty of Thomas Friedman is a Great Man.]
posted by Third Estate Sunday Review @ Sunday, July 10, 2005
Friday, July 08, 2005
Friedman on the Fourth Part I
I have to live with it. Do I also have read it's writings?
We had a "roof picnic" Monday. It was a nightmare. Nicky K and Mrs. Kristof were there as well as this woman named Patti Limerick Nelson.
There was Thomas Friedman, the not so great man, up on our roof wearing a "Kiss the Chef" apron. Did I mention it was over his shorty robe?
I kept begging him to put on some clothes but he insisted on wearing the shorty robe because he wanted an "all body tan" to go with his highlights. He's had more done. Mrs. K again asked if he was getting more gray hairs and Thomas Friedman again pouted.
While he was pouting and on the ledge of the roof insisting that since no one understood him, appreciated him, valued him or even wanted him for their partner in charades (his fault, he can't keep his mouth shut even when he's acting out the clues), he might as well jump, Nicky K, probably because of the heat, launched into a version of Van Halen's "Jump."
Might as well jump
Go ahead and jump
Thomas Friedman stopped sobbing long enough to give Nicky K a good glaring.
Mrs. K tried to save the moment by launching into her own version of Third Eye Blind's "Jumper:"
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies,
That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again,
I would understand,
I would understand.
Wiping his eyes on his the bottom of his apron, which unfortunately was caught on his shorty robe therefore leaving us all with a not so good look at his Thomases and Friedman, Thomas Friedman decided to rejoin the picnic.
But by that time the burgers had burned. And then some.
Thomas Friedman had put all the patties on at once because he knew what he was doing, he said, and we weren't supposed to go near it. And then when he was rejecting Mary J. Blige and insisting on more drama and more and more drama, they all burned.
Mrs. K didn't want any burgers anyway due to the health scare with the Mad Cow headlines. And of course, there's the fact that no one's really sure they've ever seen Thomas Friedman wash his hands. That will kill an appetite.
Thomas Friedman insisted upon putting them on buns.
We all sat down to eat.
Mrs. K said "If this wasn't a Mad Cow before, it is now!" and threw the patty over the ledge. I admire her spirit but the "ouch" from below reminded us all that they truly were like bricks.
Nicky K was staring at his burger but not eating it while Mrs. K scooped up some of the cole slaw she brought along and made a cole slaw burger. It looked good, and much better than the charcoal on a bun, so I tossed my brick burger and followed her lead.
Patti Limerick Nelson pooh-pahed Mrs. K and myself for doing that.
"One must embrace the wonders of life when one seats one's self at the banquet of adventure and fulfillment for otherwise one is not just starving, one is deprived from all that what we know as life might offer. Therefore, it is incumbent on one who sees one's self not only . . ."
She was still going on and on when I tuned her out.
Mrs. K leaned in and whispered, "Betinna, you said Patti didn't bring anything. You were wrong! She brought the hot air!"
We were laughing so hard at that we didn't notice that Thomas Friedman was still staring at Nicky K who was still eyeing his "burger."
"Well, what are you waiting for, Nicky? A goddamn UN resolution telling you it's okay to partake?" Thomas Friedman snapped.
"I, I, I" Nicky K gulped and stammered. "I was just waiting a moment to enjoy the flavor of the smell."
"Yes," Patti said chipping a tooth, "it is a wonderful stench, we must embrace the stench as my guidance counselor once told me when I happened per chance to be sitting across from him in a utalitarian object that was not quiet a folding chair but was not what anyone amongst us could call a standing chair . . ."
"Shove it, Patti," Thomas Friedman barked without looking at her, "You're only here because Nicky felt sorry for you. It's rare that he finds someone who's more of a dithering idiot than he is. Now, Kristof, are you going to eat the damn burger or not?"
Mrs. K and I exchanged a look wondering if Nicky K might stand up. But he backed down as usual, or as Thomas Friedman says, "he folds quicker than a Mormon and a liberal playing Texas Hold 'Em."
I have no idea what that means. I seriously doubt that Thomas Friedman has any idea what it means.
Eyeing the missing crowns that kept flying off Patti's capped teeth, Nicky K gulped again and appeared to shudder.
"Of course I will eat it, Thomas Friedman. You are my best friend. You are my mentor. You are my guide on this life's journey --"
"Shove it, you little candy ass," Thomas Friedman spat out. "I think Patti's served up enough crap for one meal."
"Oh goodness my. One should . . ." Patti chattered away nervously but no one was paying attention to her which, as Mrs. K pointed out, really is the story of Patti's life.
With a look of inspiration, Nicky K suddenly declared, "I was waiting for you to say grace, Thomas Friedman."
"What the hell? Are we in a red state all the sudden?"
Thomas Friedman was studying Nicky K really close but Nicky K had obviously seized on what he saw as inspiration.
"Now with dear Judith facing the legal problems --"
"Do I look like Bill Keller?" Thomas Friedman asked in a manner that clearly implied he wasn't waiting for an answer. "No, because I don't have 'ass face' written across my forehead. Judy's problems ain't my problems. Eat the damn burger, Kristof."
"But, Thomas Friedman," Nicky replied quickly, "if Judy takes the fall for a source, the paper might look into all of our sources. They might look into my sources. Or even your sources. They might want to track down that wide variety of cab drivers from various nations who all speak the same when they speak to you as they all take time out of their day to praise you."
I belive that's called check mate.
We had a "roof picnic" Monday. It was a nightmare. Nicky K and Mrs. Kristof were there as well as this woman named Patti Limerick Nelson.
There was Thomas Friedman, the not so great man, up on our roof wearing a "Kiss the Chef" apron. Did I mention it was over his shorty robe?
I kept begging him to put on some clothes but he insisted on wearing the shorty robe because he wanted an "all body tan" to go with his highlights. He's had more done. Mrs. K again asked if he was getting more gray hairs and Thomas Friedman again pouted.
While he was pouting and on the ledge of the roof insisting that since no one understood him, appreciated him, valued him or even wanted him for their partner in charades (his fault, he can't keep his mouth shut even when he's acting out the clues), he might as well jump, Nicky K, probably because of the heat, launched into a version of Van Halen's "Jump."
Might as well jump
Go ahead and jump
Thomas Friedman stopped sobbing long enough to give Nicky K a good glaring.
Mrs. K tried to save the moment by launching into her own version of Third Eye Blind's "Jumper:"
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies,
That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again,
I would understand,
I would understand.
Wiping his eyes on his the bottom of his apron, which unfortunately was caught on his shorty robe therefore leaving us all with a not so good look at his Thomases and Friedman, Thomas Friedman decided to rejoin the picnic.
But by that time the burgers had burned. And then some.
Thomas Friedman had put all the patties on at once because he knew what he was doing, he said, and we weren't supposed to go near it. And then when he was rejecting Mary J. Blige and insisting on more drama and more and more drama, they all burned.
Mrs. K didn't want any burgers anyway due to the health scare with the Mad Cow headlines. And of course, there's the fact that no one's really sure they've ever seen Thomas Friedman wash his hands. That will kill an appetite.
Thomas Friedman insisted upon putting them on buns.
We all sat down to eat.
Mrs. K said "If this wasn't a Mad Cow before, it is now!" and threw the patty over the ledge. I admire her spirit but the "ouch" from below reminded us all that they truly were like bricks.
Nicky K was staring at his burger but not eating it while Mrs. K scooped up some of the cole slaw she brought along and made a cole slaw burger. It looked good, and much better than the charcoal on a bun, so I tossed my brick burger and followed her lead.
Patti Limerick Nelson pooh-pahed Mrs. K and myself for doing that.
"One must embrace the wonders of life when one seats one's self at the banquet of adventure and fulfillment for otherwise one is not just starving, one is deprived from all that what we know as life might offer. Therefore, it is incumbent on one who sees one's self not only . . ."
She was still going on and on when I tuned her out.
Mrs. K leaned in and whispered, "Betinna, you said Patti didn't bring anything. You were wrong! She brought the hot air!"
We were laughing so hard at that we didn't notice that Thomas Friedman was still staring at Nicky K who was still eyeing his "burger."
"Well, what are you waiting for, Nicky? A goddamn UN resolution telling you it's okay to partake?" Thomas Friedman snapped.
"I, I, I" Nicky K gulped and stammered. "I was just waiting a moment to enjoy the flavor of the smell."
"Yes," Patti said chipping a tooth, "it is a wonderful stench, we must embrace the stench as my guidance counselor once told me when I happened per chance to be sitting across from him in a utalitarian object that was not quiet a folding chair but was not what anyone amongst us could call a standing chair . . ."
"Shove it, Patti," Thomas Friedman barked without looking at her, "You're only here because Nicky felt sorry for you. It's rare that he finds someone who's more of a dithering idiot than he is. Now, Kristof, are you going to eat the damn burger or not?"
Mrs. K and I exchanged a look wondering if Nicky K might stand up. But he backed down as usual, or as Thomas Friedman says, "he folds quicker than a Mormon and a liberal playing Texas Hold 'Em."
I have no idea what that means. I seriously doubt that Thomas Friedman has any idea what it means.
Eyeing the missing crowns that kept flying off Patti's capped teeth, Nicky K gulped again and appeared to shudder.
"Of course I will eat it, Thomas Friedman. You are my best friend. You are my mentor. You are my guide on this life's journey --"
"Shove it, you little candy ass," Thomas Friedman spat out. "I think Patti's served up enough crap for one meal."
"Oh goodness my. One should . . ." Patti chattered away nervously but no one was paying attention to her which, as Mrs. K pointed out, really is the story of Patti's life.
With a look of inspiration, Nicky K suddenly declared, "I was waiting for you to say grace, Thomas Friedman."
"What the hell? Are we in a red state all the sudden?"
Thomas Friedman was studying Nicky K really close but Nicky K had obviously seized on what he saw as inspiration.
"Now with dear Judith facing the legal problems --"
"Do I look like Bill Keller?" Thomas Friedman asked in a manner that clearly implied he wasn't waiting for an answer. "No, because I don't have 'ass face' written across my forehead. Judy's problems ain't my problems. Eat the damn burger, Kristof."
"But, Thomas Friedman," Nicky replied quickly, "if Judy takes the fall for a source, the paper might look into all of our sources. They might look into my sources. Or even your sources. They might want to track down that wide variety of cab drivers from various nations who all speak the same when they speak to you as they all take time out of their day to praise you."
I belive that's called check mate.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
A party of dishonor for Thomas Friedman leaves him speechless . . . well as close to it as he can come
As I told you Saturday, Friday was not a good night for Thomas Friedman. We went to another party at Jess's upstairs. Thomas Friedman insisted upon tagging along. I had told Ty that I wouldn't be able to dress up for his & Jess's party but Ty said that was fine and that they liked my costumes already. I did not have the heart, or maybe it was lack of pride, to tell Ty that they were not costumes but that these sheets were all Thomas Friedman would allow me to have to wear. Did I mention that the exclusive Goodwill that Thomas Friedman takes me to is not, in fact exclusive and that all the merchandise is second hand?
So with that in mind, I didn't discourage Thomas Friedman from joining me at the party.
"Betinna," he asked standing in front of his closet in only his shorty robe, "what should I wear?"
"Whatever you want, baby," I told him trying to surpress a giggle.
We get there and he's shocked to find everyone, male and female, sporting a mustache.
See, it was a theme party. And the theme was Thomas Friedman.
As the invitation read:
Dress up in the rattiest, smelliest, cheapest suit you can find and don't bother to clean it! Let your head go as dusty as the suit so that you too can repeat "facts" from another age long since disproven such as "The World Is Flat!" It's our first annual Be As Little As You Can Be: The Thomas Friedman Costume Ball!
With his ego, he naturally was quite pleased at the start but even he could not notice as the evening wore on that he was not the celebrated guest but the butt of all jokes.
As Kat said, "He makes it so easy."
And certainly slamming the French again in his snide way doesn't help at all. To think this all results from no rice pudding. As C.I. put it, "I think of him as not Thomas Friedman the op-ed columnist, but as Thomas Friedman the despot."
At one point, Mike found a way to work in what my husband Thomas Friedman felt was the funniest of his zingers from his Friday column, "Yo, Jacques, what world do you think you're livin' in, pal?" Which caused the entire room to burst into a zombie-like chant of "One of us. One of us. One of us."
It was at that point that Thomas Friedman stopped attempting his failed flirtation with Rebecca to tell me, "I'm not so sure this party is really in my honor."
Really? You think?
As they began pelting him with slices of French bread while chanting "The world is flat. The world is flat" Thomas Friedman squealed and ran from the party.
Later, he emerged from his state of whimpering to yell, "Did you have to stay!"
Well the party wasn't over, now was it. Or maybe he assumes that just because he leaves, the party is over. That's sort of his view of the world, now isn't it?
To which Thomas Friedman replied, "Fine. Whatever."
After he did his best Alicia Silverstone and flashed the "whatever" sign, he asked, "But did you have to join in with the tossing of the French bread?"
I was just trying to get into the mood of the party.
"Betinna, the bread was toasted! It had sharp edges!"
He then began blubbering and, honestly, spoiling my good mood. So I grabbed a throw pillow off the bed, went back to the hall where he was still curled in the fetal position and tossed it on the ground beside him.
It was nonstop whimpering and bleating all weekend. Which may explain why he attempts to sugar coat his message today. He gets in the insult of "learn to speak English" and he pushes his "All You Need Is Open Markets" nonsense. As usual. But in an attempt to, as he put it, "be down with the kids of today," he breaks with the usual policy of the paper, or usual policies of the paper, to actually say a few kind words about Ireland. He's convinced that this will make for a more pleasant party the next time "we" are invited. (He honestly hasn't been invited once.) Or as he put it, "This will show the kiddos I'm down with ISP!"
"O.P.P.," I snapped.
"No, Betinna," Thomas Friedman corrected, "it is ISP."
It was at that moment that I started to wonder if what I and others had seen as his attempt to crack wise with puns were actually evidence of his own cognitive failures?
So with that in mind, I didn't discourage Thomas Friedman from joining me at the party.
"Betinna," he asked standing in front of his closet in only his shorty robe, "what should I wear?"
"Whatever you want, baby," I told him trying to surpress a giggle.
We get there and he's shocked to find everyone, male and female, sporting a mustache.
See, it was a theme party. And the theme was Thomas Friedman.
As the invitation read:
Dress up in the rattiest, smelliest, cheapest suit you can find and don't bother to clean it! Let your head go as dusty as the suit so that you too can repeat "facts" from another age long since disproven such as "The World Is Flat!" It's our first annual Be As Little As You Can Be: The Thomas Friedman Costume Ball!
With his ego, he naturally was quite pleased at the start but even he could not notice as the evening wore on that he was not the celebrated guest but the butt of all jokes.
As Kat said, "He makes it so easy."
And certainly slamming the French again in his snide way doesn't help at all. To think this all results from no rice pudding. As C.I. put it, "I think of him as not Thomas Friedman the op-ed columnist, but as Thomas Friedman the despot."
At one point, Mike found a way to work in what my husband Thomas Friedman felt was the funniest of his zingers from his Friday column, "Yo, Jacques, what world do you think you're livin' in, pal?" Which caused the entire room to burst into a zombie-like chant of "One of us. One of us. One of us."
It was at that point that Thomas Friedman stopped attempting his failed flirtation with Rebecca to tell me, "I'm not so sure this party is really in my honor."
Really? You think?
As they began pelting him with slices of French bread while chanting "The world is flat. The world is flat" Thomas Friedman squealed and ran from the party.
Later, he emerged from his state of whimpering to yell, "Did you have to stay!"
Well the party wasn't over, now was it. Or maybe he assumes that just because he leaves, the party is over. That's sort of his view of the world, now isn't it?
To which Thomas Friedman replied, "Fine. Whatever."
After he did his best Alicia Silverstone and flashed the "whatever" sign, he asked, "But did you have to join in with the tossing of the French bread?"
I was just trying to get into the mood of the party.
"Betinna, the bread was toasted! It had sharp edges!"
He then began blubbering and, honestly, spoiling my good mood. So I grabbed a throw pillow off the bed, went back to the hall where he was still curled in the fetal position and tossed it on the ground beside him.
It was nonstop whimpering and bleating all weekend. Which may explain why he attempts to sugar coat his message today. He gets in the insult of "learn to speak English" and he pushes his "All You Need Is Open Markets" nonsense. As usual. But in an attempt to, as he put it, "be down with the kids of today," he breaks with the usual policy of the paper, or usual policies of the paper, to actually say a few kind words about Ireland. He's convinced that this will make for a more pleasant party the next time "we" are invited. (He honestly hasn't been invited once.) Or as he put it, "This will show the kiddos I'm down with ISP!"
"O.P.P.," I snapped.
"No, Betinna," Thomas Friedman corrected, "it is ISP."
It was at that moment that I started to wonder if what I and others had seen as his attempt to crack wise with puns were actually evidence of his own cognitive failures?
Saturday, June 25, 2005
What causes Thomas Friedman to retreat to a bath of bubbles?
It was not a good night for Thomas Friedman last night and I will tell you, computer diary, about it later tonight or tomorrow. But right now Thomas Friedman has ended a weeping bout and is now in a hot tub, filled with bubbles, having himself a good long soak. What caused the latest crisis?
Last night did not help. But then, a few hours ago, this was slid under our door. This handout enraged Thomas Friedman. Mainly, I suspect, because he was not mentioned.
He is screaming his constant cry of "Prune me, Betinna!" which means he needs more prune juice. So I will have to hurry.
The World Tribunal on Iraq
In May of 2004 I interviewed a man who had just been released from Abu Ghraib. Like so many I interviewed from various US military detention facilities who’d been tortured horrifically, he still managed to maintain his sense of humor.He began laughing when telling me how CIA agents made him beat other prisoners. He laughed, he said, because he had been beaten himself prior to this, and was so tired that all he could do to beat other detained Iraqis was lift his arm and let it drop on the other men.
Later, he laughed again as he told me what else had been done to him, when he said, “The Americans brought electricity to my ass before they brought it to my house.”
But this testimony is not about the indomitable spirit of the Iraqi people. About the dignity and strength of Iraqis, we need no testimony. This testimony is about ongoing violations of international law being committed by the occupiers of Iraq on a daily basis in regards to rampant torture, the neglect and obstruction of the health care sector and the ongoing failure to allow Iraqis to reconstruct their infrastructure.To discuss torture, there are many stories I could use here, but I’ll use two examples indicative of scores of others I documented while in Iraq.
What does it take to get a Saturday entry out of me after I've started assisting The Third Estate Sunday Review? Something really important. Like Dahr Jamail's testimony before the World Tribunal on Iraq which we've quoted from above. It's an excerpt. Read "World Tribunal for Iraq, Culminating Session Testimony" in full.
The New York Timid's not interested (thus far). Apparently few are. That's why you should be interested. Where there is silence on a subject, it should peek your curiosity.
The World Tribunal on Iraq doesn't appear to merit much commentary in this country (US, to clarify for our foreign community members). Is it unimportant?
You tell me.
It's apparently unimportant to the mainstream. They're still refusing to tell you about the increased bombings beginning in May of 2002. (As reported by from Michael Smith's "RAF bombing raids tried to goad Saddam into war." Also note, as Charlie pointed out, Jeremy Scahill's "The Smoking Bullet in the Smoking Gun." )
The World Tribunal on Iraq is going on right now. You can watch or listen online.
A number of e-mails came in on Baby Cries a Lot who got all teary eyed and spoke of his children as the reason why America needs to stay in Iraq. No, they aren't over there and, no, it didn't make any sense but does anyone expect sense from Baby Cries a Lot?
He whimpers, he whines, he tears up, he chokes up. Put him back on the shelf already because amidst all the drama, there's no functioning brain there.
Baby Cries a Lot resulted in over 800 e-mails on Friday so we'll note him here in terms of those who speak truth and those who gatekeep. Yes, he's so dumb that he's still claiming the Pottery Barn has a policy that it doesn't have. Yes, he's so wimpy he can't "fight" (or make a case) for anything without faking tears.
Baby Cries a Lot pimps his AEI friends. Baby Cries a Lot couldn't decide from one day to the next in January if he thought there was a problem in Ohio or not. Some days he did and spoke with (fake) passion, some days he resorted to calling those questioning the vote "tin foil hat conspiracy" types.
Here's a question. Why are some of you still listening to Baby Cries a Lot?
He angers you, I don't blame you. But you're not getting anything from him. So just walk on, walkon.org. Watch or listen to Democracy Now!, go to Pacifica, go to NPR, play some music. Go to Air America Place and check out the archives for The Laura Flanders Show, The Mike Malloy Show, The Majority Report, The Randi Rhodes Show, Ecotalk, So What Else Is News?, The Rachel Maddow Show, Ring of Fire and others.
Baby Cries a Lot is a nasty person, as you've noted in countless e-mails.
Baby Cries a Lot didn't serve but now wants to act as not just the troops' supporter but as the War Cheerleader.
Baby Cries a Lot has a meltdown when, for instance, Bob Somerby begins offering criticism of a policy or a politician. (And Somerby's not invited back.) Baby Cries a Lot freaks when in the midst of "IS REAGAN STILL DEAD!" coverage, Greg Palast offers a sound critique of Reagan's Latin American policies. Baby Cries a Lot rushes to cut Jeremy Glick off (though not by saying "Shut up!") when Glick attempts to speak.
Baby Cries a Lot was perfectly happy to pimp Glick's late father and to use that to settle a score with his nemisis. He just wasn't happy to let Jeremy Glick speak beyond what happened on Fox "News."
He's a whiney ass gatekeeper who's peddled sexism to get where he is. Quit listening.
There's nothing he's ever going to say that will matter.
But here's something that does matter, The World Tribunal on Iraq.
And you can hear it live, right now.
"They were telling us get out, get out, and then the roof collapsed on us. . . . They went away, the house is no longer there, I do not have a car, I have nothing. I saved my children from the rubble. . . . The ceiling collapsed on us. . . . Nobody came and asked us what we were doing. . . . Nothing was told us. They say that we can bomb anything we want to, we can interrogate anyone we want to. Now they've left us houseless. What right do they have to do this?"
You won't hear about that from Baby Cries a Lot.
He's working the clampdown, in diapers, but he's working it.
He's the court jester to the Bully Boy. You mention in your e-mails that he worked up, as he worked up those phoney tears, a defense for the Bully Boy. Well that tells you everything you need to know, now doesn't it?
He wants to be a player in his new field (there's very little left to him elsewhere which is why he entertains corporations). If you've got time, and some of you appear to have that time, to write and complain about what Baby Cries a Lot did this week, then you've got time to go online and listen or watch the testimony that's ongoing.
Mike Malloy, last night, offered that even if the Democratic Party gained a majority in the 2006 election, they wouldn't impeach the Bully Boy. He's right. That won't come from D.C. If it comes, it will have to come from outside D.C. -- pressure will have to be brought on your representatives to force the issue. And if you're willing to do that, you need to know what happened. You're not going to learn about it in the New York Timid. (Or on Baby Cries a Lot's show.) You will hear about this on Democracy Now! (and they noted it Friday and I'm sure will address it next week). But if you're online right now for whatever reason and you're at a computer with speakers or have a pair of headphones, you probably are able to listen to the Tribunal.
You can moan next week in e-mails about what Baby Cries a Lot pushed as "liberal" or "progressive" and how he yucked it up with his centrist and right-wing "pals." You can complain about how he shoots down any idea other than "stay the course." (While the "course" is killing Iraqis and the Coalition of the Coerced whose "brave" leaders, including the Bully Boy, don't seem concerned with the body count.) But if you want to do that, I want to see something in the e-mail that suggests you took the time to inform yourself. You can do that by following the Tribunal. Give it fifteen minutes. You gave Baby Cries a Lot three hours a day for five days this past week.
You're pinning your hopes on something that's not going to happen. There will be no awakening for Baby Cries a Lot until the troops are withdrawn. At that point, he'll sob and say he wanted it all along. You've all heard the inconsistencies in his day to day discussions. Because, despite the fact that he pushes himself as it, he's not a political person, you've failed to realize that he twists in the wind and always has.
Next week, Baby Cries a Lot will no doubt tear up again and give yet another "fathers & son" talk. And it will be as meaningless next week as it was this week as it was the week before as it was the week before that . . .
It has nothing to do with reality.
The Iraq World Tribunal has to do with reality. People are offering testimony. There's no Baby Cries a Lot there to rush in and stop them or to change the topic or say "We have to go to commercial" and nurse his wounded ego throughout the following segments.
This is reality and you can listen to (or watch it).
From Democracy Now! Friday:
World Tribunal on Iraq Opens In Turkey
In Turkey, the World Tribunal on Iraq is opening its three-day session today. The gathering is modeled after the International War Crimes Tribunal that British philosopher Bertrand Russell formed in 1967 during the Vietnam War. Russell's tribunal was charged with conducting 'a solemn and historic investigation' of U.S. war crimes in Vietnam in order to 'prevent the crime of silence.' Speaking at the World Tribunal on Iraq will be Indian writer Arundhati Roy, former UN Assistant Secretary General Dennis Halliday, independent journalist Dahr Jamail and others.
Baby Cries a Lot channels Robert McNamara via the sixties. That says everything you need to know about Baby Cries a Lot. (Who will probably emerge from a Fog of War years from now to speak out against the invasion/occupation of Iraq while still justifiying some similar action that's going on then.) (Yes, there will be future similar actions. Those like Baby Cries a Lot make that possible. This war and the next brought to you by the Babies Cry a Lot.)
We can complain about someone who's useless or we can focus on what does matter. While I understand the e-mailers complaints, no, I'm not going to fact check Baby Cries a Lot. Life is too short for me to put up with his nonsense. And while it's true that others have pushed him as a brave liberal voice, we haven't done that here. We've largely avoided him. Let's continue to do that and focus on what matters.
The World Tribunal on Iraq matters. You can follow it online.
As I type, Tim Goodrich is about to continue speaking. Goodrich is a founding member of IVAW -- an organization committed to ending the occupation. And though they don't feel the need to trumpet it in constant advertisements, "they were there."
How people are recurited into the military, who joins the military and why. . . . Military life is glorified and soldiers are seen as role models. In my case, I wanted to join the military since I was five-years-old . . .
He's speaking of the socio-economic draft right now. And you won't hear him saying that seated across from Baby Cries a Lot. You won't hear Jim Massey or Diana Morrisson or Michael Hoffman or any of the others. You will hear the clampdowners telling you that you can't speak because you weren't there or telling a Vietnam vet that they don't know what they're talking about because it's "not Nam, man." Your information flow with Baby Cries a Lot is severely restricted.
So you can wait until Monday and get upset that Baby Cries a Lot is goofing around for three hours with the occassionally teary sob, or you can make the effort to find out for yourself what's going on. Member can complain about Baby Cries a Lot but if you're going to do that, put something in the e-mail that demonstrates that not only do you realize the would-be Bob Hope has nothing to say, but also indicates you did make a point to get actual information you can use somewhere else.
Here's where I think (as always, I could be wrong), we are in the testimony to the Tribunal:
12:00 – 12:20 Witness - Tim Goodrich: The Conduct of the US Army
12:20 – 12:40 Amal Sawadi: Detentions and Prison Conditions
12:40 – 13:00 Witness - Fadhil Al Bedrani: Collective Punishment
13:00 – 13:20 Questions from the Jury
13:20 – 14:30 LunchFourth Session / Cont. ... (Moderator: Joel Kovel)
14:30 – 14:50 Joel Kovel: Effects of the War on the Infrastructure
14:50 – 15:10 Herbert Docena: Economic Colonization
15:10 – 15:30 Mohammed Al Rahoo: Iraqi Law Under Occupation
15:30 – 15:50 Abdul Ilah Al Bayaty: The Transfer of Power in Iraq
15:50 – 16:10 Niloufer Bhagwat: The Privatization of War
16:10 – 16:30 Questions from the Jury
16:30 – 16:50 Coffee Break
16:50 – 17:10 Nermin al Mufti: The Occupation as Prison
17:10 – 17:30 Barbara Olshansky: Covert Practices in the U.S. War on Terror and the
Implications for International Law: The Guantanamo Example
17:30 – 17:50 Witness - Mark Manning / Rana M. Mustafa: Testimony on Falluja
17:50 – 18:10 Abdul Wahab Al Obeidi: Human Rights Violations and the Disappeared
in Iraq18:10 – 18:30 Johan Galtung: Human Rights and the U.S./U.K. Illegal Attack on Iraq
18:30 – 18:50 Questions from the Jury
THIRD DAY, 26 JUNE 20
0509:00 – 09:10 Summary of the Previous DayFifith Session / Cultural Heritage, Environment and World Resources (Moderator: Hilal Elver)
09:10 – 09:20 Hilal Elver: The Framework of the Session
09:20 – 09:40 Gül Pulhan: The Destruction of Cultural Heritage: A Report from the
Istanbul Initiative
09:40 – 10:00 Witness - Amal Al Khedairy: Testimony on the Destruction of Cultural Heritage
10:00 – 10:20 Joel Kovel: The Ecological Implications of the War
10:20 – 10:40 Witness - Souad Naji Al-Azzawi: Tes. on Radioactive Contamination in Iraq
10:40 – 11:00 Questions from the Jury
11:00 – 11:20 Coffee BreakSixth Session / Global Security Environment and Future
Alternatives (Moderator: Ayşe Gül Altınay)
11:20 – 11:40 Ayşe Gül Altınay: Militarism and the Culture of Violence
11:40 – 12:00 Nadje Al-Ali: Gender and War: The Plight of Iraqi Women
12:00 – 12:20 Liz Fekete: Creating Racism and Intolerance
12:20 – 12:40 Samir Amin: The Economy of Militarization
12:40 – 13:00 Ahmad Mohamed Al-Jaradat: Relationship between Iraq, Palestine and
Israel.
13:00 – 13:20 Questions from the Jury
13:20 – 14:30 LunchSixth Session / Continues
14:30 – 14:50 Wamidh Nadhmi: Polarization and the Narrowing Scope of Political Alternatives
14:50 – 15:10 John Ross: Collateral Damage: The Mexican Example
15:10 – 15:30 Christine Chinkin: Human Security in Iraq
15:30 – 15:50 Ken Coates: The Future of the Peace Movement
15:50 – 16:10 Corrine Kumar: Towards a New Political Imaginary
16:10 – 16:30 Biju Matthew: Alternatives for an Alternative Future
16:30 – 17:00 WTI İstanbul Coordination: The WTI as an Alternative: An Experimental
Assertion
17:00 – 17:20 Questions from the Jury
17:20 – 17:40 Coffee Break
17:40 – 18:00 Richard Falk - Closing Speech on Behalf of the Panel of Advocates
18:00 – 18:20 Arundhati Roy - Closing Speech on Behalf of the Jury of Conscience
18:20 – 18:30 The Closing of the World Tribunal on Iraq, Istanbul.
27 JUNE 2005
11.00 Press conference announcing the decision of the Jury of Conscience at Hotel Armada
You can complain about Baby Cries a Lot (as many of you have) but you can also make a point to inform yourself. The World Tribunal on Iraq is being conducted right now. You can see it as a symbolic action or as a resource for information or however you want to see it. But you can also follow the proceedings online.
Last night did not help. But then, a few hours ago, this was slid under our door. This handout enraged Thomas Friedman. Mainly, I suspect, because he was not mentioned.
He is screaming his constant cry of "Prune me, Betinna!" which means he needs more prune juice. So I will have to hurry.
The World Tribunal on Iraq
In May of 2004 I interviewed a man who had just been released from Abu Ghraib. Like so many I interviewed from various US military detention facilities who’d been tortured horrifically, he still managed to maintain his sense of humor.He began laughing when telling me how CIA agents made him beat other prisoners. He laughed, he said, because he had been beaten himself prior to this, and was so tired that all he could do to beat other detained Iraqis was lift his arm and let it drop on the other men.
Later, he laughed again as he told me what else had been done to him, when he said, “The Americans brought electricity to my ass before they brought it to my house.”
But this testimony is not about the indomitable spirit of the Iraqi people. About the dignity and strength of Iraqis, we need no testimony. This testimony is about ongoing violations of international law being committed by the occupiers of Iraq on a daily basis in regards to rampant torture, the neglect and obstruction of the health care sector and the ongoing failure to allow Iraqis to reconstruct their infrastructure.To discuss torture, there are many stories I could use here, but I’ll use two examples indicative of scores of others I documented while in Iraq.
What does it take to get a Saturday entry out of me after I've started assisting The Third Estate Sunday Review? Something really important. Like Dahr Jamail's testimony before the World Tribunal on Iraq which we've quoted from above. It's an excerpt. Read "World Tribunal for Iraq, Culminating Session Testimony" in full.
The New York Timid's not interested (thus far). Apparently few are. That's why you should be interested. Where there is silence on a subject, it should peek your curiosity.
The World Tribunal on Iraq doesn't appear to merit much commentary in this country (US, to clarify for our foreign community members). Is it unimportant?
You tell me.
It's apparently unimportant to the mainstream. They're still refusing to tell you about the increased bombings beginning in May of 2002. (As reported by from Michael Smith's "RAF bombing raids tried to goad Saddam into war." Also note, as Charlie pointed out, Jeremy Scahill's "The Smoking Bullet in the Smoking Gun." )
The World Tribunal on Iraq is going on right now. You can watch or listen online.
A number of e-mails came in on Baby Cries a Lot who got all teary eyed and spoke of his children as the reason why America needs to stay in Iraq. No, they aren't over there and, no, it didn't make any sense but does anyone expect sense from Baby Cries a Lot?
He whimpers, he whines, he tears up, he chokes up. Put him back on the shelf already because amidst all the drama, there's no functioning brain there.
Baby Cries a Lot resulted in over 800 e-mails on Friday so we'll note him here in terms of those who speak truth and those who gatekeep. Yes, he's so dumb that he's still claiming the Pottery Barn has a policy that it doesn't have. Yes, he's so wimpy he can't "fight" (or make a case) for anything without faking tears.
Baby Cries a Lot pimps his AEI friends. Baby Cries a Lot couldn't decide from one day to the next in January if he thought there was a problem in Ohio or not. Some days he did and spoke with (fake) passion, some days he resorted to calling those questioning the vote "tin foil hat conspiracy" types.
Here's a question. Why are some of you still listening to Baby Cries a Lot?
He angers you, I don't blame you. But you're not getting anything from him. So just walk on, walkon.org. Watch or listen to Democracy Now!, go to Pacifica, go to NPR, play some music. Go to Air America Place and check out the archives for The Laura Flanders Show, The Mike Malloy Show, The Majority Report, The Randi Rhodes Show, Ecotalk, So What Else Is News?, The Rachel Maddow Show, Ring of Fire and others.
Baby Cries a Lot is a nasty person, as you've noted in countless e-mails.
Baby Cries a Lot didn't serve but now wants to act as not just the troops' supporter but as the War Cheerleader.
Baby Cries a Lot has a meltdown when, for instance, Bob Somerby begins offering criticism of a policy or a politician. (And Somerby's not invited back.) Baby Cries a Lot freaks when in the midst of "IS REAGAN STILL DEAD!" coverage, Greg Palast offers a sound critique of Reagan's Latin American policies. Baby Cries a Lot rushes to cut Jeremy Glick off (though not by saying "Shut up!") when Glick attempts to speak.
Baby Cries a Lot was perfectly happy to pimp Glick's late father and to use that to settle a score with his nemisis. He just wasn't happy to let Jeremy Glick speak beyond what happened on Fox "News."
He's a whiney ass gatekeeper who's peddled sexism to get where he is. Quit listening.
There's nothing he's ever going to say that will matter.
But here's something that does matter, The World Tribunal on Iraq.
And you can hear it live, right now.
"They were telling us get out, get out, and then the roof collapsed on us. . . . They went away, the house is no longer there, I do not have a car, I have nothing. I saved my children from the rubble. . . . The ceiling collapsed on us. . . . Nobody came and asked us what we were doing. . . . Nothing was told us. They say that we can bomb anything we want to, we can interrogate anyone we want to. Now they've left us houseless. What right do they have to do this?"
You won't hear about that from Baby Cries a Lot.
He's working the clampdown, in diapers, but he's working it.
He's the court jester to the Bully Boy. You mention in your e-mails that he worked up, as he worked up those phoney tears, a defense for the Bully Boy. Well that tells you everything you need to know, now doesn't it?
He wants to be a player in his new field (there's very little left to him elsewhere which is why he entertains corporations). If you've got time, and some of you appear to have that time, to write and complain about what Baby Cries a Lot did this week, then you've got time to go online and listen or watch the testimony that's ongoing.
Mike Malloy, last night, offered that even if the Democratic Party gained a majority in the 2006 election, they wouldn't impeach the Bully Boy. He's right. That won't come from D.C. If it comes, it will have to come from outside D.C. -- pressure will have to be brought on your representatives to force the issue. And if you're willing to do that, you need to know what happened. You're not going to learn about it in the New York Timid. (Or on Baby Cries a Lot's show.) You will hear about this on Democracy Now! (and they noted it Friday and I'm sure will address it next week). But if you're online right now for whatever reason and you're at a computer with speakers or have a pair of headphones, you probably are able to listen to the Tribunal.
You can moan next week in e-mails about what Baby Cries a Lot pushed as "liberal" or "progressive" and how he yucked it up with his centrist and right-wing "pals." You can complain about how he shoots down any idea other than "stay the course." (While the "course" is killing Iraqis and the Coalition of the Coerced whose "brave" leaders, including the Bully Boy, don't seem concerned with the body count.) But if you want to do that, I want to see something in the e-mail that suggests you took the time to inform yourself. You can do that by following the Tribunal. Give it fifteen minutes. You gave Baby Cries a Lot three hours a day for five days this past week.
You're pinning your hopes on something that's not going to happen. There will be no awakening for Baby Cries a Lot until the troops are withdrawn. At that point, he'll sob and say he wanted it all along. You've all heard the inconsistencies in his day to day discussions. Because, despite the fact that he pushes himself as it, he's not a political person, you've failed to realize that he twists in the wind and always has.
Next week, Baby Cries a Lot will no doubt tear up again and give yet another "fathers & son" talk. And it will be as meaningless next week as it was this week as it was the week before as it was the week before that . . .
It has nothing to do with reality.
The Iraq World Tribunal has to do with reality. People are offering testimony. There's no Baby Cries a Lot there to rush in and stop them or to change the topic or say "We have to go to commercial" and nurse his wounded ego throughout the following segments.
This is reality and you can listen to (or watch it).
From Democracy Now! Friday:
World Tribunal on Iraq Opens In Turkey
In Turkey, the World Tribunal on Iraq is opening its three-day session today. The gathering is modeled after the International War Crimes Tribunal that British philosopher Bertrand Russell formed in 1967 during the Vietnam War. Russell's tribunal was charged with conducting 'a solemn and historic investigation' of U.S. war crimes in Vietnam in order to 'prevent the crime of silence.' Speaking at the World Tribunal on Iraq will be Indian writer Arundhati Roy, former UN Assistant Secretary General Dennis Halliday, independent journalist Dahr Jamail and others.
Baby Cries a Lot channels Robert McNamara via the sixties. That says everything you need to know about Baby Cries a Lot. (Who will probably emerge from a Fog of War years from now to speak out against the invasion/occupation of Iraq while still justifiying some similar action that's going on then.) (Yes, there will be future similar actions. Those like Baby Cries a Lot make that possible. This war and the next brought to you by the Babies Cry a Lot.)
We can complain about someone who's useless or we can focus on what does matter. While I understand the e-mailers complaints, no, I'm not going to fact check Baby Cries a Lot. Life is too short for me to put up with his nonsense. And while it's true that others have pushed him as a brave liberal voice, we haven't done that here. We've largely avoided him. Let's continue to do that and focus on what matters.
The World Tribunal on Iraq matters. You can follow it online.
As I type, Tim Goodrich is about to continue speaking. Goodrich is a founding member of IVAW -- an organization committed to ending the occupation. And though they don't feel the need to trumpet it in constant advertisements, "they were there."
How people are recurited into the military, who joins the military and why. . . . Military life is glorified and soldiers are seen as role models. In my case, I wanted to join the military since I was five-years-old . . .
He's speaking of the socio-economic draft right now. And you won't hear him saying that seated across from Baby Cries a Lot. You won't hear Jim Massey or Diana Morrisson or Michael Hoffman or any of the others. You will hear the clampdowners telling you that you can't speak because you weren't there or telling a Vietnam vet that they don't know what they're talking about because it's "not Nam, man." Your information flow with Baby Cries a Lot is severely restricted.
So you can wait until Monday and get upset that Baby Cries a Lot is goofing around for three hours with the occassionally teary sob, or you can make the effort to find out for yourself what's going on. Member can complain about Baby Cries a Lot but if you're going to do that, put something in the e-mail that demonstrates that not only do you realize the would-be Bob Hope has nothing to say, but also indicates you did make a point to get actual information you can use somewhere else.
Here's where I think (as always, I could be wrong), we are in the testimony to the Tribunal:
12:00 – 12:20 Witness - Tim Goodrich: The Conduct of the US Army
12:20 – 12:40 Amal Sawadi: Detentions and Prison Conditions
12:40 – 13:00 Witness - Fadhil Al Bedrani: Collective Punishment
13:00 – 13:20 Questions from the Jury
13:20 – 14:30 LunchFourth Session / Cont. ... (Moderator: Joel Kovel)
14:30 – 14:50 Joel Kovel: Effects of the War on the Infrastructure
14:50 – 15:10 Herbert Docena: Economic Colonization
15:10 – 15:30 Mohammed Al Rahoo: Iraqi Law Under Occupation
15:30 – 15:50 Abdul Ilah Al Bayaty: The Transfer of Power in Iraq
15:50 – 16:10 Niloufer Bhagwat: The Privatization of War
16:10 – 16:30 Questions from the Jury
16:30 – 16:50 Coffee Break
16:50 – 17:10 Nermin al Mufti: The Occupation as Prison
17:10 – 17:30 Barbara Olshansky: Covert Practices in the U.S. War on Terror and the
Implications for International Law: The Guantanamo Example
17:30 – 17:50 Witness - Mark Manning / Rana M. Mustafa: Testimony on Falluja
17:50 – 18:10 Abdul Wahab Al Obeidi: Human Rights Violations and the Disappeared
in Iraq18:10 – 18:30 Johan Galtung: Human Rights and the U.S./U.K. Illegal Attack on Iraq
18:30 – 18:50 Questions from the Jury
THIRD DAY, 26 JUNE 20
0509:00 – 09:10 Summary of the Previous DayFifith Session / Cultural Heritage, Environment and World Resources (Moderator: Hilal Elver)
09:10 – 09:20 Hilal Elver: The Framework of the Session
09:20 – 09:40 Gül Pulhan: The Destruction of Cultural Heritage: A Report from the
Istanbul Initiative
09:40 – 10:00 Witness - Amal Al Khedairy: Testimony on the Destruction of Cultural Heritage
10:00 – 10:20 Joel Kovel: The Ecological Implications of the War
10:20 – 10:40 Witness - Souad Naji Al-Azzawi: Tes. on Radioactive Contamination in Iraq
10:40 – 11:00 Questions from the Jury
11:00 – 11:20 Coffee BreakSixth Session / Global Security Environment and Future
Alternatives (Moderator: Ayşe Gül Altınay)
11:20 – 11:40 Ayşe Gül Altınay: Militarism and the Culture of Violence
11:40 – 12:00 Nadje Al-Ali: Gender and War: The Plight of Iraqi Women
12:00 – 12:20 Liz Fekete: Creating Racism and Intolerance
12:20 – 12:40 Samir Amin: The Economy of Militarization
12:40 – 13:00 Ahmad Mohamed Al-Jaradat: Relationship between Iraq, Palestine and
Israel.
13:00 – 13:20 Questions from the Jury
13:20 – 14:30 LunchSixth Session / Continues
14:30 – 14:50 Wamidh Nadhmi: Polarization and the Narrowing Scope of Political Alternatives
14:50 – 15:10 John Ross: Collateral Damage: The Mexican Example
15:10 – 15:30 Christine Chinkin: Human Security in Iraq
15:30 – 15:50 Ken Coates: The Future of the Peace Movement
15:50 – 16:10 Corrine Kumar: Towards a New Political Imaginary
16:10 – 16:30 Biju Matthew: Alternatives for an Alternative Future
16:30 – 17:00 WTI İstanbul Coordination: The WTI as an Alternative: An Experimental
Assertion
17:00 – 17:20 Questions from the Jury
17:20 – 17:40 Coffee Break
17:40 – 18:00 Richard Falk - Closing Speech on Behalf of the Panel of Advocates
18:00 – 18:20 Arundhati Roy - Closing Speech on Behalf of the Jury of Conscience
18:20 – 18:30 The Closing of the World Tribunal on Iraq, Istanbul.
27 JUNE 2005
11.00 Press conference announcing the decision of the Jury of Conscience at Hotel Armada
You can complain about Baby Cries a Lot (as many of you have) but you can also make a point to inform yourself. The World Tribunal on Iraq is being conducted right now. You can see it as a symbolic action or as a resource for information or however you want to see it. But you can also follow the proceedings online.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Thomas Friedman doesn't know where he stands
It's not the usual drivel you've grown to expect from a relic of a bygone era who tosses "trendy" words around about as convincingly as Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes so-called love affair.
It's much worse because my husband Thomas Friedman has a different status problem.
It is the fact that he's no longer clear where he stands. Or to put it more musically, were he swiping from Joni Mitchell and being confessional, he would have entitled his column "I Don't Know Where I Stand" and not "Run, Dick, Run."
With a book that didn't even spend more weeks at number one than "the actress" did with her book, and caused far less excitement than she did, Thomas Friedman's latest appears to ride the charts in a holding pattern that can only be called malingering.
Any original thought my husband Thomas Friedman once had, however slight, long ago was disproven. Thomas Friedman 2.0 is as ineffective as the early version only, these days, people have caught on.
And that explains, in part, why his op-ed space seems like a landfill not even Greenpeace would attempt to rehabilitate.
His mouth will go on, but his brain expired somewhere around 1994.
So what we're left with is the bag of goodies that has no rhyme or reason other than appearing to be everything he could order off the dollar menu at Wendy's in one visit. Saying that it aimlessly drifts would be giving Thomas Friedman's column too much credit because it's not unmoored sail boat, it's something far less friendly.
If Thomas Friedman had a following, or even a brain, he wouldn't seem so disconnected from the problems facing the country.
"If Thomas Friedman had a brain, or some approximate, he wouldn't scatter shoot in his attempts to appear 'balanced' and he would attempt to actually have a point of view beyond 'I want to run my country into the ground,'" said Jess, a neighbor who lives upstairs and throws a great party.
But if one looks at the ramblings Thomas Friedman has chosen to inform, or not to inform, on his recent writings come off like the lonely rants of the guy at the end of the bar who's forever going home alone.
"Thomas Friedman is not thinking of the bigger implications" for the years on down the road, Jess added.
For instance, the whole "world is flat" theme was flatter than a Diet Coke opened an hour ago and left parked on a picnic bench in the noon time sun that sizzles hotter than Colin Farrell in a nudey scene that will never make the final cut of a major motion picture coming to a theater near you soon.
It will be a fluke of immense proportions, akin to the fleeting period where many Americans actually thought Ashlee Simpson could sing, if anyone continues to take my husband Thomas Friedman and his onanistic frenzy for "free market" principles seriously.
Thomas Friedman's uninformed devotion to year zero policies meant that his brain bought the farm many, many years ago and that, as awareness is raised, his looney rants will be neither cute nor tolerable.
If Thomas Friedman had even one original thought, he might be dangerous and inspire heirs who would wish to carry on his "legacy" but instead he repeatedly mines the cannon of pop culture to dress up failed policies that have resulted in strife and despair in the third world.
One thing for sure, there's some severly sad about a man his age working the likes of Britney Spears into his columns and if he can't grasp that he just needs to picture the joke Bob Dole has turned himself into.
But instead of grasping reality, Thomas Friedman seems to think he has all the creativity of Ava and C.I. penning one of their hilarious TV reviews. Somebody break it to him, his e-train ticket got punched long, long ago.
Thomas Friedman seems to be "musing" as if his past columns were a monument not of failed predictions and philosophies, which they are, but instead of the visionary work one expects from great thinkers or even Joey Heatherton.
It's been so beyond, "I'm playing the lobby and might make the main room" in Vegas for so long now that even Tina Turner's fabled comeback in the eighties offers no hope that Thomas Friedman can latch on to to carry him through this "If he sings 'Midnight at the Oasis' one more time, I'm asking the management to comp my drinks!" period.
With newspaper circulation dropping like a bad can of Raviolios, and the biggest beneficiaries being the Greenspan Wrecking Crew Thomas Friedman hitched his jet ski to decades ago,
it is blindingly obvious that Thomas Friedman can't even phone it in these days.
As a columnist, he has utterly failed.
To listen to the youth of America today is to hear their strong criticism of his dialing in column after column for the contestant that got kicked off American Idol a season ago while mumbling that he will bring William Hung back, he will!
To listen to the youth is to hear from a group of emerging adults who know that the very "world is flat" theories he preaches have destroyed pensions, employee benefits such as health care, and reduced seniors to living below subsistance levels.
We have a country that's teetering on the edge of total destruction and Thomas Friedman wants to drop kick it over the edge.
Instead of focusing on ways to mend the broken system and repair the social fabric, Thomas Friedman's jerking off to his own echo chamber of globalization.
It won't fly. Yes, Thomas Friedman has attacked the French, Americans, the youth, and just about any other target that comes into his limited range and he has gotten left behind in his "free market" religion that believes that not God, not man, but the almighty market will correct all social ills. A person with a brain in his head would have long ago adjusted his devotion to market unconstrained. At the very least, he'd wear a girdle to reign in that flabby rear when running around the apartment in his shorty robe.
Thomas Friedman would also not be taking the head-up-his-ass position in opposition to all concerns of the various citizens who make up the very planet his much pushed "world is flat/globalization" junk theories are supposed to exist in while mixing in a few references to music and film.
Just this month, we have seen what happens in a nation, Bolivia, where the people are placed dead last and the free market reigns supreme. If Thomas Friedman hopes to become a respected observer, or at least a non-dangerous one, he would have focused on issues such as the public commons and given some thought to the social fabric he seems bound and determined, like a businessman on an out of town trip relentlessly visiting a dominatrix, to destroy.
If this is how he intendes to go out in the last days where sanity is still a possibility, that's his business. But if Thomas Friedman had a brain or sense of perspective, I have to believe he
would not only be more aware, he would be saying: "Hey boss. I've lost all ability to reach the public. I'm about as useful as as someone trying to do an intervention on Bobby Brown. Put me out of my misery and fire me already!"
It's much worse because my husband Thomas Friedman has a different status problem.
It is the fact that he's no longer clear where he stands. Or to put it more musically, were he swiping from Joni Mitchell and being confessional, he would have entitled his column "I Don't Know Where I Stand" and not "Run, Dick, Run."
With a book that didn't even spend more weeks at number one than "the actress" did with her book, and caused far less excitement than she did, Thomas Friedman's latest appears to ride the charts in a holding pattern that can only be called malingering.
Any original thought my husband Thomas Friedman once had, however slight, long ago was disproven. Thomas Friedman 2.0 is as ineffective as the early version only, these days, people have caught on.
And that explains, in part, why his op-ed space seems like a landfill not even Greenpeace would attempt to rehabilitate.
His mouth will go on, but his brain expired somewhere around 1994.
So what we're left with is the bag of goodies that has no rhyme or reason other than appearing to be everything he could order off the dollar menu at Wendy's in one visit. Saying that it aimlessly drifts would be giving Thomas Friedman's column too much credit because it's not unmoored sail boat, it's something far less friendly.
If Thomas Friedman had a following, or even a brain, he wouldn't seem so disconnected from the problems facing the country.
"If Thomas Friedman had a brain, or some approximate, he wouldn't scatter shoot in his attempts to appear 'balanced' and he would attempt to actually have a point of view beyond 'I want to run my country into the ground,'" said Jess, a neighbor who lives upstairs and throws a great party.
But if one looks at the ramblings Thomas Friedman has chosen to inform, or not to inform, on his recent writings come off like the lonely rants of the guy at the end of the bar who's forever going home alone.
"Thomas Friedman is not thinking of the bigger implications" for the years on down the road, Jess added.
For instance, the whole "world is flat" theme was flatter than a Diet Coke opened an hour ago and left parked on a picnic bench in the noon time sun that sizzles hotter than Colin Farrell in a nudey scene that will never make the final cut of a major motion picture coming to a theater near you soon.
It will be a fluke of immense proportions, akin to the fleeting period where many Americans actually thought Ashlee Simpson could sing, if anyone continues to take my husband Thomas Friedman and his onanistic frenzy for "free market" principles seriously.
Thomas Friedman's uninformed devotion to year zero policies meant that his brain bought the farm many, many years ago and that, as awareness is raised, his looney rants will be neither cute nor tolerable.
If Thomas Friedman had even one original thought, he might be dangerous and inspire heirs who would wish to carry on his "legacy" but instead he repeatedly mines the cannon of pop culture to dress up failed policies that have resulted in strife and despair in the third world.
One thing for sure, there's some severly sad about a man his age working the likes of Britney Spears into his columns and if he can't grasp that he just needs to picture the joke Bob Dole has turned himself into.
But instead of grasping reality, Thomas Friedman seems to think he has all the creativity of Ava and C.I. penning one of their hilarious TV reviews. Somebody break it to him, his e-train ticket got punched long, long ago.
Thomas Friedman seems to be "musing" as if his past columns were a monument not of failed predictions and philosophies, which they are, but instead of the visionary work one expects from great thinkers or even Joey Heatherton.
It's been so beyond, "I'm playing the lobby and might make the main room" in Vegas for so long now that even Tina Turner's fabled comeback in the eighties offers no hope that Thomas Friedman can latch on to to carry him through this "If he sings 'Midnight at the Oasis' one more time, I'm asking the management to comp my drinks!" period.
With newspaper circulation dropping like a bad can of Raviolios, and the biggest beneficiaries being the Greenspan Wrecking Crew Thomas Friedman hitched his jet ski to decades ago,
it is blindingly obvious that Thomas Friedman can't even phone it in these days.
As a columnist, he has utterly failed.
To listen to the youth of America today is to hear their strong criticism of his dialing in column after column for the contestant that got kicked off American Idol a season ago while mumbling that he will bring William Hung back, he will!
To listen to the youth is to hear from a group of emerging adults who know that the very "world is flat" theories he preaches have destroyed pensions, employee benefits such as health care, and reduced seniors to living below subsistance levels.
We have a country that's teetering on the edge of total destruction and Thomas Friedman wants to drop kick it over the edge.
Instead of focusing on ways to mend the broken system and repair the social fabric, Thomas Friedman's jerking off to his own echo chamber of globalization.
It won't fly. Yes, Thomas Friedman has attacked the French, Americans, the youth, and just about any other target that comes into his limited range and he has gotten left behind in his "free market" religion that believes that not God, not man, but the almighty market will correct all social ills. A person with a brain in his head would have long ago adjusted his devotion to market unconstrained. At the very least, he'd wear a girdle to reign in that flabby rear when running around the apartment in his shorty robe.
Thomas Friedman would also not be taking the head-up-his-ass position in opposition to all concerns of the various citizens who make up the very planet his much pushed "world is flat/globalization" junk theories are supposed to exist in while mixing in a few references to music and film.
Just this month, we have seen what happens in a nation, Bolivia, where the people are placed dead last and the free market reigns supreme. If Thomas Friedman hopes to become a respected observer, or at least a non-dangerous one, he would have focused on issues such as the public commons and given some thought to the social fabric he seems bound and determined, like a businessman on an out of town trip relentlessly visiting a dominatrix, to destroy.
If this is how he intendes to go out in the last days where sanity is still a possibility, that's his business. But if Thomas Friedman had a brain or sense of perspective, I have to believe he
would not only be more aware, he would be saying: "Hey boss. I've lost all ability to reach the public. I'm about as useful as as someone trying to do an intervention on Bobby Brown. Put me out of my misery and fire me already!"
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