Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Back from my days and nights of wine and roses

Forgive me electronic diary, I have been in some sort of a black out. I still do not know all that happened in my "Days of Wine and Roses" as the great Thomas Friedman calls them. Sometimes Thomas Friedman will tell me one thing and sometimes Nicky K will tell me something else.

I am not sure whom to trust? Or as an island song of my childhood would ask, "Who's Zooming Who?" I am spotty on nearly everything that happened in the last few days. I do remember at some point working on a column on John Bolton and getting some ideas from a brilliant web site.
I remember Thomas Friedman screaming at me, "How could you?"

I do not know what I did. I think then I was at the computer pulling up a month old piece on Bill Gates and schools from a fantastic web site. Nicky K was telling Thomas Friedman, "It is not her fault!" Thomas Friedman was screaming, "No one upstages me!"

I did not even know that Thomas Friedman was in a play. I would ask him if it was a community theater but he seems very happy about the blanks in my memory.

But he was mad that someone was doing his job only better. I wonder what role he was playing and who was Thomas Friedman's understudy? I could see him as Mitch in A Streetcar Named Desire. Or possibly Toval in A Doll's House. Those titles just pop into my head but I can see the plays when they do. I think the island I grew up on, though backwater as Thomas Friedman says it was, must have had a very lively art scene.

Thomas Friedman showed me the column he says he did all by himself. It is on Bill Gates. I had started a thing on Bill Gates after searching on that groovy web site. So I do wonder if he has raided some of my work.

But when I tried to ask Thomas Friedman that, Nicky K. got very nasty with me. He was screaming "Darfur! Darfur!" And Thomas Friedman said, "Nicky, you do not think you discovered Darfur, do you?" Nicky K. looked like he was going to cry. He cries quite often so I know the look.

But it was weird because it was like Thomas Friedman was taking up for me to Nicky K. Usually Thomas Friedman is much more stern. One might even say bossy. Thomas Friedman says it is because left to my own devices, as a woman, I am not smart enough to write. Nicky K. agrees with that and added something about "lousy feminists!"

But today Thomas Friedman was defending me. And I felt like I was being played, is that the word in your language? "Played" is the word in my village's language.

They have teamed-tagged on me and tried to get me to write what they wanted. But here was Thomas Friedman telling Nicky K. that he didn't discover Darfur and that his screeching about it was "unbecoming" and made him sound like a "whiney little bitch."

Usually, it is me that Thomas Friedman calls a bitch. But he told Nicky K. he was sick of hearing "Darfur Darfur always Darfur!" Thomas Friedman said there are other things going on in the world. Then Thomas Friedman told me I could relax and write the column later.

He handed me a bottle of pills. They are new vitamins. I have not taken blue capsule vitamins before. I forgot to ask Thomas Friedman what the vitamins were.

"What Me Worry?" is what Thomas Friedman's column was called. The one he says he wrote. Thomas Friedman may have written the title because I would never use a title so stupid.

But it looks familiar. And when I said that, Nicky K. said, "She will mention Jane! She remembers!" Who is Jane? I do not know. She is someone else who upstaged the great Thomas Friedman. I also think she has somehow managed to outsell his new book because Nicky K. said something like, "No one wants your books anymore!"

It was getting very ugly but I just took my vitamins and watched. It was like I was floating and not in the room. Thomas Friedman walked over to Nicky K. and struck him. Nicky K. cried and squealed, "How dare you!" Thomas Friedman said, "You keep whining like a little bitch and I will treat you like one."

Nicky K. whimpered and groveled and Thomas Friedman forgave him. By that time, I had taken half the bottle of pills.

I have to get to work on Thomas Friedman's column. Thomas Friedman tells me I must have done in less than an hour because it must make tomorrow's paper.

Hearing that, I swallowed the rest of the pills in the bottle and said, "All gone-gone."

For some reason that was so funny to me. I laughed and laughed.

Then I licked my finger and used it to swipe any residue of vitamins left in the bottle.

Nicky K. hissed "Junkie!" But I do not think I look junkie. I am wearing the same fitted sheet I always wear around the house. For nights out, Thomas Friedman lets me wear a flat sheet.

I do not know what I am going to write. I wish I had more vitamins.