Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thomas Friedman's Frostings and Facials

"I'm not sleeping with him," that's how Rebecca greeted me when I bumped into her at the lobby.

"Oh, hon, no one wants to sleep with him," I said sadly because I knew the one who always had to was me.

But Thomas Friedman is still on his education kick in an attempt to impress Rebecca. Or to impress her breasts.

But I did enroll in some courses this week. I'm not going to wait for the paper of misrecord to realize how unliked Thomas Friedman is. While the money's there, I need to make sure I'm employable after my post-Friedman period. It will come.

I'm not sure whether I'll drop Thomas Friedman before the paper does, but I think he will get droppsed by both of us.


Did you not read "Facts and Folly"? Despite quoting from a study that mentions that the nation used to be able to provide "high wages," Thomas Friedman never talks about that in his latest "I'm an education time columnist!" op-ed. He whines about the fact that we're so far behind in the use of cell phones but never stops to think that the economy might have some impact there.
Or with broad band access.

It's all about education, which is pre-bubble bust thinking, if you ask me. Since the stock market bubble burst under Bully Boy's watch, an education hasn't meant all that much. His paper's focused on the high end wage earners who've had trouble getting hired. But that's true of the low-end as well. It's just that the paper isn't keen to write up silly Sunday magazine profiles on them.

Teaching does need to be appreciated more and it also needs to provide higher wages. Thomas Friedman, neoliberal that he is, can't come out and with concrete examples on that. It's a "free market" and it's gone global, to hear Thomas Friedman preach it.

But what's really gone global has been poverty. It's even gone domestic.

A point he misses, so naturally Gail Collins loved it.

Thomas Friedman asked me what I thought of his column and I lied. I said it was "beautiful."
Thomas Friedman started crying.

"Oh, Betinna, you don't know how long I've waited to hear that."

But what about all the cab drivers and other ficitional people who populate his column everytime a word of praise to him is uttered?

"It's not the same," he whined. "I'm not putting words into their mouths."

"So you do admit that you make them up!" I exclamined.

Suddenly, Thomas Friedman's mood changed. It was like watching Shirley Temple turn into an ogre before your eyes. He did everything but snarl, "Tina! Bring me the axe!"

When he finally calmed down, he insisted that it wasn't "lying." It was p.r., it was getting the ball rolling. It was "conditioning the people" to accept his greatness.

Still struck me as lying.

Like when he gave details about his mythic proportions to his "trip" at the start of the column. For the record, there was no plane trip. He did catch the Subway (and complain the whole way). And he wasn't reading through reports. He had a copy of Maxim, a copy of Jugs and a copy of Playboy.

Now he did read Teen People this week while he was waiting for the stylist to free up and touch up his highlights.

He tipped the woman a buck. Said that was the "free market" at work as well. Me, I thought it was just another example of how cheap he is.

Which may be why he insists upon doing his own highglights and touch ups "down there" while he gives himself a skin care treatment. "Facts and Follies"? Try"Frostings and Facials." As he was attempting to make himself "pretty" (what is it about the big wimps like my husband and Eric Alterman that always allows them to self-delude about the state of their own masculinty?), I put on some Etta James, cooked some Mexican rice, and wondered if Angelina Jolie had to spend many nights at home while Brad Pitt finished "coloring" his pubes?