Thomas Friedman is on a China kick. It all started when the new buffet opened up down the street. Thomas Friedman is nothing if not an all you can eat type of man, as any photo of him will attest.
I knew something was up last Thursday when he came strolling into the kitchen in sweat pants and a t-shirt that said "Baby Likes" on it. For Thomas Friedman, it was practically formal wear.
Rare is the day he squeezes into anything other than his silk shorty robe.
Leaping to my feet, I was scrubbing the kitchen floor, I immediately asked who died and what funeral we needed to attend. Thomas Friedman assured me that other than Bill Keller being "brain dead" all was right in the world, that a new establishment had opened up down the street and to grab my purse because we were going.
The hostess' name was Liang though Thomas Friedman insists upon calling her "Soon-Yi" repeatedly. He also insists upon telling the same lame joke each time we go, "Soon-Yi, in America we call this 'Chinese food' but in your country it would just be 'food!'"
Between that, his Soon-Yi comments, and just for being Thomas Friedman, Tuesday afternoon, Liang replied, "You know in China you would be called 'American bore' but in this country you are just a 'bore.'"
Thomas Friedman was furious.
"I will never come back to this communist cell!" he screamed as he piled his plate full of General Tso's chicken. As usual, he piled my purse full of shrimp which is bad enough but he tends to scoop it out of the ice with his hands and many ice chips fall in as well.
A lunch buffet to Thomas Friedman means you eat all you can there and swipe enough to have dinner on at home as well. He calls that "the free market at it's finest."
I have tried pointing out to him that what he's doing is hardly honest or honorable but he tells me I'm now "lost to the peaceniks." If I had any sense, he belives, I would have "catered" our dinner party last week by hitting a buffet with several large purses and backpacks.
What you or I might call free loading or, worse, theft of service, Thomas Friedman sees as "righting the market."
"The world is flat, Betinna," Thomas Friedman declared as I stared at his greasy mouth and the food flying around it. "Everything is fair game."
Everything?
Like on Wednesday morning when he flew into a fit as I tried to watch Democracy Now!?
He was grumbling throughout the interview but he grew enraged at this point:
AMY GOODMAN: In the interrogations, you told the BBC that you met an Israeli working as an interrogator at the secret intelligence center in Baghdad.
JANIS KARPINSKI: Well, in a separate facility, not under my control, where the task force was originally assigned, I was escorting a general officer, who was not assigned in Iraq, but was making his last visits to different units, because he was getting ready to retire, and he asked to go over to this facility, because he knew a lot of the people that were working over there. And when the sergeant major asked if he wanted to see -- tour the rest of the facility, if I wanted to go with them, I declined. I said I would wait there in the foyer. And there were three individuals there, three men, and they had D.C.U. pants on, one of them had blue jeans on, and different shirts.
AMY GOODMAN: D.C.U. means?
JANIS KARPINSKI: Desert camouflage uniform, the desert military uniform pants. And one of them had a pair of blue jeans on. So I said, "What are you guys doing here?" And I said to this one individual, who looked like he was an Arab, I said to him, "Oh, are you a translator? Are you from Kuwait? Are you from Iraq?" And he said, "No, I'm not a translator, and I'm not from Kuwait or Iraq. I'm from Israel. And I work in this facility." So, I never -- he never told me that he was an interrogator. But that facility was likely used for interrogation. So, if he worked in that facility, you could conclude that he had something to do with interrogation operations, but he never told me that.
Thomas Friedman had recently attempted to have the last word, as he is so fond of, on the subject of not one Israli being in Iraq. As with so many claims he makes in his columns, I always think he would be better off researching some of his claims but apparently veracity isn't a big deal at the New York Times. Thomas Friedman says "facts weigh thought down" and attempts to write with as little actual thought as possible -- a technique that grows ever more obvious, if you ask me.
When that came up in the interview, Thomas Friedman started screaming at me that I was a "flaming insurgent, bordering on an anarchist, with one hand on your dust mop and the other ready to spray paint a lovely mink!"
He blames the "radical feminist" Gail Collins partly for my transformation. He also blames the trip to D.C. with Elaine and Gail Collins. But most of all he blames The Common Ills which is a web site that he feels "worries too much about the little nothings of the world." Strangely, he doesn't blame Democracy Now! but that's largely because he sees it as "a developing market" on which he could plug his book The World Is Flat. He has taken to sending Amy Goodman's "notes" which she obviously ignores but I'm sure they provoke much laughter each time they arrive.
All his finger pointing should be very tiring but when he feels he has been wronged, he can always muster the energy for an attack such as his column Wednesday.
Things were already tense Tuesday but he was determined to finish his lunch, all five plates and two bowls of won ton soup.
"I will get my money's worth!" he insisted between slurps.
I just wanted to go home before things got worse. But Thomas Friedman decided that we needed new silver ware and after he shoved several settings into my purse, he felt we also needed more plates.
It was at that point that Liang walked over and wondered exactly what the hell Thomas Friedman was doing.
"Should I call the cops?" Liang asked pointing to my purse.
"That is your answer to everything!" Thomas Friedman shouted, spewing won ton soup across the white table cloth. "You want to enforce authoritarian rule on everyone! You and your planned economy of 'I will spend this much on plates and that much on food and it will all be just fine.' Well that's not the way it works, Soon-Yi, in this country, the market decides demand! I will accept no apology from you!"
"I'm calling the cops," Liang said.
"I said I would not accept your apology! Go now, Soon-Yi, go!"
While Liang went to call the police, Thomas Friedman grabbed my purse and high tailed it onto the street.
"This is living, Betinna!" Thomas Friedman cackled as I attempted to hurry him down the street. "Living Hand to Mouth! Nothing else is even close!"
the common ills
the new york times
thomas friedman
like maria said paz
democracy now
gail collins
amy goodman
janis karpinski
abu ghraib
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Sad news found in the paper
Yesterday, sad news.
"Rosa Parks: 1913-2005"
Rosa Parks, the Alabama seamstress whose refusal to sit down on a Montgomery bus sparked a year-long boycott that is considered the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement, has died.
The above is from "Rosa Parks dead at 92" (Defenders News Service, The Chicago Defender).
From Bree Fowler's "Civil Rights Pioneer Rosa Parks Dies at 92" (Associated Press):
The Montgomery, Ala., seamstress, an active member of the local chapter of theNational Association for the Advancement of Colored People' National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, was riding on a city bus Dec. 1, 1955, when a white man demanded her seat.Mrs. Parks refused, despite rules requiring blacks to yield their seats to whites. Two black Montgomery women had been arrested earlier that year on the same charge, but Mrs. Parks was jailed. She also was fined $14.
Speaking in 1992, she said history too often maintains "that my feet were hurting and I didn't know why I refused to stand up when they told me. But the real reason of my not standing up was I felt that I had a right to be treated as any other passenger. We had endured that kind of treatment for too long."
Her arrest triggered a 381-day boycott of the bus system organized by a then little-known Baptist minister, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who later earned the Nobel Peace Prize for his work.
"At the time I was arrested I had no idea it would turn into this," Mrs. Parks said 30 years later.
"It was just a day like any other day. The only thing that made it significant was that the masses of the people joined in."The Montgomery bus boycott, which came one year after theU.S. Supreme Court's landmark declaration that separate schools for blacks and whites were "inherently unequal," marked the start of the modern civil rights movement.
From Cassandra Spratling's "Rosa Parks, civil rights heroine, is dead" (Detroit Free Press):
This gentle giant, whose quietness belied her toughness, became the catalyst for a movement that broke the back of legalized segregation in the United States, gave rise to the astounding leadership of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and inspired fighters for freedom and justice throughout the world.
Parks, the beloved mother of the civil rights movement, is dead, a family member confirmed late Monday.
But already it's evident that her spirit lives in hundreds of thousands of people inspired by her unwavering commitment to work for a better world - a commitment that continued even after age and failing health slowed her in the 1990s.
From Jannell McGrew's "Parks' quiet courage helped change the world" (Montgomery Advertiser):
"She's gone, but she has left her footprints on the sands of time," said local civil rights activist Johnnie Carr, a close friend of Parks, after hearing the news of her death Monday. "What she did contributed so much to the success of whatever we did in trying to break down the segregated rules and regulations we had in the community and the world."
Parks was selected by Time as one of the 100 Most Important People of the Century.
More today:
Civil Rights Pioneer Rosa Parks 1913-2005
Civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks has died at the age of 92. It was 50 years ago this December that she refused to relinquish her seat to a white man aboard a city bus in Montgomery, Alabama. She was arrested and convicted of violating the state's segregation laws. Her act of resistance led to a 13-month boycott of the Montgomery bus system that would spark the civil rights movement. The boycott would also help transform a 26-year-old preacher named Martin Luther King Junior to national prominence. In 1958 King wrote "no one can understand the action of Mrs. Parks unless he realizes that eventually the cup of endurance runs over, and the human personality cries out, 'I can take it no longer.''' Parks had been involved in the fight for freedom since the 1940s. She was active in the NAACP, helped raise money to defend the Scottsboro rape case and attended trainings at the Highlander Folk School of Tennessee. The Rev. Jesse Jackson said yesterday ''She sat down in order that we might stand up. Paradoxically, her imprisonment opened the doors for our long journey to freedom.'' Henry Louis Gates Jr called her "the Harriet Tubman of our time." After he was freed from jail Nelson Mandela recalled how Parks had inspired him and others in the South African struggle against apartheid. We'll have more on Rosa Parks in a few minutes.
rosa parks
democracy now
the common ills
"Rosa Parks: 1913-2005"
Rosa Parks, the Alabama seamstress whose refusal to sit down on a Montgomery bus sparked a year-long boycott that is considered the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement, has died.
The above is from "Rosa Parks dead at 92" (Defenders News Service, The Chicago Defender).
From Bree Fowler's "Civil Rights Pioneer Rosa Parks Dies at 92" (Associated Press):
The Montgomery, Ala., seamstress, an active member of the local chapter of theNational Association for the Advancement of Colored People' National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, was riding on a city bus Dec. 1, 1955, when a white man demanded her seat.Mrs. Parks refused, despite rules requiring blacks to yield their seats to whites. Two black Montgomery women had been arrested earlier that year on the same charge, but Mrs. Parks was jailed. She also was fined $14.
Speaking in 1992, she said history too often maintains "that my feet were hurting and I didn't know why I refused to stand up when they told me. But the real reason of my not standing up was I felt that I had a right to be treated as any other passenger. We had endured that kind of treatment for too long."
Her arrest triggered a 381-day boycott of the bus system organized by a then little-known Baptist minister, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who later earned the Nobel Peace Prize for his work.
"At the time I was arrested I had no idea it would turn into this," Mrs. Parks said 30 years later.
"It was just a day like any other day. The only thing that made it significant was that the masses of the people joined in."The Montgomery bus boycott, which came one year after theU.S. Supreme Court's landmark declaration that separate schools for blacks and whites were "inherently unequal," marked the start of the modern civil rights movement.
From Cassandra Spratling's "Rosa Parks, civil rights heroine, is dead" (Detroit Free Press):
This gentle giant, whose quietness belied her toughness, became the catalyst for a movement that broke the back of legalized segregation in the United States, gave rise to the astounding leadership of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and inspired fighters for freedom and justice throughout the world.
Parks, the beloved mother of the civil rights movement, is dead, a family member confirmed late Monday.
But already it's evident that her spirit lives in hundreds of thousands of people inspired by her unwavering commitment to work for a better world - a commitment that continued even after age and failing health slowed her in the 1990s.
From Jannell McGrew's "Parks' quiet courage helped change the world" (Montgomery Advertiser):
"She's gone, but she has left her footprints on the sands of time," said local civil rights activist Johnnie Carr, a close friend of Parks, after hearing the news of her death Monday. "What she did contributed so much to the success of whatever we did in trying to break down the segregated rules and regulations we had in the community and the world."
Parks was selected by Time as one of the 100 Most Important People of the Century.
More today:
Civil Rights Pioneer Rosa Parks 1913-2005
Civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks has died at the age of 92. It was 50 years ago this December that she refused to relinquish her seat to a white man aboard a city bus in Montgomery, Alabama. She was arrested and convicted of violating the state's segregation laws. Her act of resistance led to a 13-month boycott of the Montgomery bus system that would spark the civil rights movement. The boycott would also help transform a 26-year-old preacher named Martin Luther King Junior to national prominence. In 1958 King wrote "no one can understand the action of Mrs. Parks unless he realizes that eventually the cup of endurance runs over, and the human personality cries out, 'I can take it no longer.''' Parks had been involved in the fight for freedom since the 1940s. She was active in the NAACP, helped raise money to defend the Scottsboro rape case and attended trainings at the Highlander Folk School of Tennessee. The Rev. Jesse Jackson said yesterday ''She sat down in order that we might stand up. Paradoxically, her imprisonment opened the doors for our long journey to freedom.'' Henry Louis Gates Jr called her "the Harriet Tubman of our time." After he was freed from jail Nelson Mandela recalled how Parks had inspired him and others in the South African struggle against apartheid. We'll have more on Rosa Parks in a few minutes.
rosa parks
democracy now
the common ills
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Keeping Us Ill Informed
Life since Friday has been, more than usual, a living hell.
Friday morning I made the mistake of reading the latest column by my husband Thomas Friedman. Things have not been good between us since the trip to Jersey.
As he goes through bottle after bottle of vitamins as though they are Pez candies and I inch ever closer to the door of freedom (which actually involves keeping our place and sending him packing), I remember something a woman must have told me as a child: "It is work."
That is my first real memory and I am wondering if I have recovered it because it is a message.
Recent events have had me wondering about my own family living in whatever village they live. With mudslides and hurricanes, they may be gone.
Many months ago, I pulled the atlas down from the book case. This was when I was a complete idiot and still believed that if Thomas Friedman said it, it must be true. So I wasted hours looking in vain for "Back Water Village."
Now that I know that was intended as an insult, I know little else and Thomas Friedman always tells me when I ask, "Betinna, you have blocked it all out for a reason. Listen to the great Thomas Friedman."
So when I heard a voice, I like to think it is my mother's, telling me: "It is work" . . . I took it as a sign. No other memories or sound bytes have surfaced thus far but I hold out hope.
And I have tried to follow the words of my mother. Friday, it took three hours, but I made it through Thomas Friedman's latest: "Keeping Us In The Race." I had a nasty bruise on my chin from hitting it three times on the kitchen table as I nodded off while Thomas Friedman molested the English language in a way far worse than I, "ESL Betinna" as Thomas Friedman calls me, ever could.
Having finished the column, I set about doing what Thomas Friedman wrote of, planning a lively dinner that would promote indepth, issue oriented conversation. Knowing that he will not listen to me, I made sure on Friday to invite lively people.
I invited Ty because he is funny and because Thomas Friedman is scared of black brothers so I thought that would help keep Thomas Friedman in line. If one brother, or "bra" as Thomas Friedman insisted upon calling Ty, could keep Thomas Friedman in line, surely two would be even better so I also invited Cedric. Cedric is tall and imposing and just moved into the building. To make sure Thomas Friedman would stay awake, I invited our neighbor Rebecca who usually pretends not to notice that Thomas Friedman drools over her breasts until, as she puts it, he gets too close with that breath more deadly than anthrax. To have someone newsy and well read, I invited dear Gail Collins because I know she spends most Friday nights at home watching America's Most Talented Kid. She claims she's just "really into" reality television but Elaine and I know she uses PAX TV to feel the empty void in her life.
She outed herself on our trip to DC when she wondered what it would be like "to be really glamorous and independent like that Sue Thomas, FB Eye." I invited the new neighbor from across the hall whom I don't know much about except his name is Seth and he's always carrying a book so I figured he must be smart. I figured right because he declined the invitation. I invited Jess because he's always so polite and nice to me and he's real easy on the eyes as well.
Mrs. K was desperate for an invite and dropped hinting as the hours grew closer to the dinner party.
"Betinna," she sobbed, "I cannot take another Friday night of franks and beans and Nicky K."
I hear her. Believe me, I do. But since Thomas Friedman and Nicky K's last encounter ended with Thomas Friedman's hands wrapped tightly around Nicky's neck, I lied and said I had already dangerously exceeded the guest to chair ratio.
She was a good sport and pretended to understand but in the background I could hear Nicky K asking her to pull the TV dinner trays in front of the TV because he felt like watching The Sandlot during dinner one more time.
I was kind of surprised that a woman as smart as she is, married to a columnist for the New York Times, could spend so many empty nights and then I remembered my own sinking boat of a marriage.
At the deli I bumped into a playwright named Ron and thought "How New York!" and immediately invited him to the party on the spot.
I thought I had an interesting mix and was eager for the evening to begin. I had hand washed Thomas Friedman's silk shorty robe and thought not making an issue out of his wearing the robe would make the evening easier. Maybe people would find him avant garde?
He was in the kitchen rifling through the sacks of take out and wondering why we couldn't just have Ritz crackers and canned cheese?
"It's good enough for David E. Sanger and he hangs out at the White House," Thomas Friedman huffed.
I put on some Sade and the guests made small talk while Thomas Friedman kept following me around insisting that if I had to do take out, Mickey Dees has a perfectly suitable dinner menu.
Needing a break from his whining, I lied and said I didn't think Rebecca was wearing a bra tonight.
I didn't see him for a half hour which gave me just enough time to warm everything up and set it out. As I did, Gail Collins saddled up beside me and whispered that she thought Ron had "a Newland Archer quality." Having heard that he was single, I tried to suggest she go talk to him.
"Oh dare I?" she asked giddy with excitement. "Dare I, Betinna, dare I? Can you imagine the passion that could exist between us? The type of passion one only comes across in the novels of Edith Wharton."
"Uh-huh," I said counting the water glasses.
"He would be mad for me, mad, mad, mad. And I for him. And then we would steal away for a private moment."
Private moment?
Who knew Gail Collins had it in her?
I was all ears waiting for the naughty bits to begin.
"He would press his cheek to mine and I would press mine to his. Oh Betinna, the moment could be so magical. And then I would look at him with longing and regret as I declared that for us to stay together would kill what I loved in him most. Just like the Countess tells Archer."
"Damn it, Gail," I said frustrated since she long ago exceeded the sell-date on her own Age of Innocence, "you're not the lead in a period novel. You're a grown woman. You have urges."
Gail giggled nervously as a blush crossed her cheeks and she bowed her head.
Ignoring her, I announced dinner was ready and everyone took their assigned seats.
Right away, Cedric brought up an interesting topic, the committment we need to make to our communities, the need to engage on the most basic level.
Thomas Friedman, staring at Rebecca's chest, offered, "I engage on the most basic level."
Rolling her eyes, lighting up and reaching for the wine bottle, Rebecca attempted to ignore him.
"What I'm saying," Cedric continued, "is that we are our environment."
"Don't be bringing your revolutionary talk to my dinner table, Cedric X," Thomas Friedman snapped.
I tried to convey "Ignore him" with my eyes but I think Cedric was already two steps ahead of me.
"I'm saying that we don't just owe a societal debt, we have a societal investment."
"Watch out for that one," Thomas Friedman said to Ty, "he'll be looting before the night is over."
And that was it for Ty and Cedric who both rose from the table and walked out.
"Hey, who invited the PC police!" Thomas Friedman called out loudly, greatly amused with himself while I implored Jess, Rebecca and Ron to stay a bit more.
Gail Collins was too busy trying to strike coy and demure poses to register anything that was said.
Jess tried to save the evening by talking about the importance of arts.
"Arts, schmarts. Give me Baby Spice shaking it in a tight skirt and that's all the culture I need! You hear me, Rob?"
"Ron," I corrected.
"Hey, what was the deal with Ginger Spice? She was a chunky little plain thing. If I want to see that, I can pop over to Gail's office."
"Oh, Thomas," Gail Collins cooed.
"Ron's a playwright," I said attempting to steer the conversation to some of those higher topics Thomas Friedman spoke of in his column.
"The last good play was Hair," Thomas Friedman said opening another bottle of wine.
"You like musicals, do you?" asked Jess.
"I like boobs. Bouncing boobs. Big boobs. Naked boobs. Naked broads. That's theatre!"
"Oh my," Gail Collins said fanning herself furiously, "It's getting so racy. Betinna, is this a blue party?"
"Ron, what kind of plays do you write?" I asked still thinking I could create that magical, serious dinner discussion that Thomas Friedman had spoken of.
"Well --"
"You got naked broads in 'em?" Thomas Friedman asked drinking straight from the bottle. "Naked broads sell tickets."
"Actually, it's a political play," Ron explained.
"Boring. B-O boring," Thomas Friedman declared leaping to his feet and heading towards Rebecca. "You know what people like? Sexual choreography."
With that Thomas Friedman attempted to thrust his crotch in Rebecca's face repeatedly until she reached over, grabbed him by his testicles and offered, "Kimono boy, you can park it in your chair with everything intact or you can lose these mini-marshmallows right now."
Muttering under his breath, Thomas Friedman returned to his seat while Gail Collins leaned in close to Ron.
"The air is ripe with the the heat of passion. Will you join me on the balconey?" Gail asked Ron.
Before he could reply, Thomas Friedman hollered, "Balconey? It's a fire escape! Good God, Collins, it's like you have 40 Year Old Virgin carved in your frumpy forehead!"
Flushed with anger, Gail Collins nodded to me, "Betinna, I bid you good night."
Attempting to be a gentleman, Ron stood which Gail took to mean he wanted to leave with her.
Clutching him firmly, Gail Collins declared to the confused Ron, "You couldn't be happy if it meant being cruel. If we act any other way I'll be making you act against what I love in you most. And I can't go back to that way of thinking. Don't you see? I can't love you unless I give you up."
As she left sobbing, Ron declared, "She lost me at hello."
Thomas Friedman found that hilarious.
"Jerry MacGuire! Funny movie! With a subtext! Jerry represents Michael Jackson!"
Well it wasn't the pressing issue of how to fix the country or a discussion of the theater but maybe there was still hope for the evening?
"Know what was missing?" Thomas Friedman asked. "Sexy broads. You hear me, Roy?"
"Ron," I again corrected.
"Big boobed, sexy broads," Thomas Friedman said, ignoring me and punctuating his 'critique' with a belch.
"That Renee Zellwigger, she'd shrink the nads with her sour puss face," Thomas Friedman declared downing more wine. "Hollywood ain't go no hot broads? Is that it? All the fine pieces of tail are off making Girls Gone Wild videos? Pretty soon, they'll be left to cast Judy Miller! Anyone else notice that she dropped a ton in jail? Lost the double chins. Looks like she had work done but forgot to fix the boobs!"
Suddenly everyone broke into yawns and noted the late hour before leaving.
"Great dinner," Thomas Friedman declared, scratching his armpit with the neck of a wine bottle. "Great conversation. I could get a column out of tonight. We should do this more often."
And repeat the 20 most embarrassing minutes of my life?
As I cleaned up, Thomas Friedman began ticking off the subjects he felt we'd covered: Freedom of the press (his mention of Judith Miller), the dearth of solid entertainment (the lack of nude women on stage and "hot broads" in movies), Hurricane Katrina (his crack about looting) . . .
As I scraped the plates, I thought again of Mrs. K having to fake enthusiasm over seeing The Sandlot yet again. I thought about the dinner party. And it suddenly hit me that everyone who writes for the Times creates their own myths. It's not just Judy with her WMD coverage, it's everyone. In his columns, Nicky K strikes a brave stance despite being one of the biggest cry babies in the tri-state area. Todd S. Purdum pretends to be close to the action despite the fact that his odor results in everyone backing away, far away, from him. Dexter Filkins pretends that he's traveling up and down Iraq and seeing things with his own eyes.
These bores are the great fakes poisoning our discourse.
the new york times
thomas friedman
todd s. purdum
nicholas kristof
the common ills
seth in the city
sex and politics and screeds and attitude
like maria said paz
dexter filkins
why are we back in iraq
gail collins
nicholas kristof
the third estate sunday review
cedrics big mix
Friday morning I made the mistake of reading the latest column by my husband Thomas Friedman. Things have not been good between us since the trip to Jersey.
As he goes through bottle after bottle of vitamins as though they are Pez candies and I inch ever closer to the door of freedom (which actually involves keeping our place and sending him packing), I remember something a woman must have told me as a child: "It is work."
That is my first real memory and I am wondering if I have recovered it because it is a message.
Recent events have had me wondering about my own family living in whatever village they live. With mudslides and hurricanes, they may be gone.
Many months ago, I pulled the atlas down from the book case. This was when I was a complete idiot and still believed that if Thomas Friedman said it, it must be true. So I wasted hours looking in vain for "Back Water Village."
Now that I know that was intended as an insult, I know little else and Thomas Friedman always tells me when I ask, "Betinna, you have blocked it all out for a reason. Listen to the great Thomas Friedman."
So when I heard a voice, I like to think it is my mother's, telling me: "It is work" . . . I took it as a sign. No other memories or sound bytes have surfaced thus far but I hold out hope.
And I have tried to follow the words of my mother. Friday, it took three hours, but I made it through Thomas Friedman's latest: "Keeping Us In The Race." I had a nasty bruise on my chin from hitting it three times on the kitchen table as I nodded off while Thomas Friedman molested the English language in a way far worse than I, "ESL Betinna" as Thomas Friedman calls me, ever could.
Having finished the column, I set about doing what Thomas Friedman wrote of, planning a lively dinner that would promote indepth, issue oriented conversation. Knowing that he will not listen to me, I made sure on Friday to invite lively people.
I invited Ty because he is funny and because Thomas Friedman is scared of black brothers so I thought that would help keep Thomas Friedman in line. If one brother, or "bra" as Thomas Friedman insisted upon calling Ty, could keep Thomas Friedman in line, surely two would be even better so I also invited Cedric. Cedric is tall and imposing and just moved into the building. To make sure Thomas Friedman would stay awake, I invited our neighbor Rebecca who usually pretends not to notice that Thomas Friedman drools over her breasts until, as she puts it, he gets too close with that breath more deadly than anthrax. To have someone newsy and well read, I invited dear Gail Collins because I know she spends most Friday nights at home watching America's Most Talented Kid. She claims she's just "really into" reality television but Elaine and I know she uses PAX TV to feel the empty void in her life.
She outed herself on our trip to DC when she wondered what it would be like "to be really glamorous and independent like that Sue Thomas, FB Eye." I invited the new neighbor from across the hall whom I don't know much about except his name is Seth and he's always carrying a book so I figured he must be smart. I figured right because he declined the invitation. I invited Jess because he's always so polite and nice to me and he's real easy on the eyes as well.
Mrs. K was desperate for an invite and dropped hinting as the hours grew closer to the dinner party.
"Betinna," she sobbed, "I cannot take another Friday night of franks and beans and Nicky K."
I hear her. Believe me, I do. But since Thomas Friedman and Nicky K's last encounter ended with Thomas Friedman's hands wrapped tightly around Nicky's neck, I lied and said I had already dangerously exceeded the guest to chair ratio.
She was a good sport and pretended to understand but in the background I could hear Nicky K asking her to pull the TV dinner trays in front of the TV because he felt like watching The Sandlot during dinner one more time.
I was kind of surprised that a woman as smart as she is, married to a columnist for the New York Times, could spend so many empty nights and then I remembered my own sinking boat of a marriage.
At the deli I bumped into a playwright named Ron and thought "How New York!" and immediately invited him to the party on the spot.
I thought I had an interesting mix and was eager for the evening to begin. I had hand washed Thomas Friedman's silk shorty robe and thought not making an issue out of his wearing the robe would make the evening easier. Maybe people would find him avant garde?
He was in the kitchen rifling through the sacks of take out and wondering why we couldn't just have Ritz crackers and canned cheese?
"It's good enough for David E. Sanger and he hangs out at the White House," Thomas Friedman huffed.
I put on some Sade and the guests made small talk while Thomas Friedman kept following me around insisting that if I had to do take out, Mickey Dees has a perfectly suitable dinner menu.
Needing a break from his whining, I lied and said I didn't think Rebecca was wearing a bra tonight.
I didn't see him for a half hour which gave me just enough time to warm everything up and set it out. As I did, Gail Collins saddled up beside me and whispered that she thought Ron had "a Newland Archer quality." Having heard that he was single, I tried to suggest she go talk to him.
"Oh dare I?" she asked giddy with excitement. "Dare I, Betinna, dare I? Can you imagine the passion that could exist between us? The type of passion one only comes across in the novels of Edith Wharton."
"Uh-huh," I said counting the water glasses.
"He would be mad for me, mad, mad, mad. And I for him. And then we would steal away for a private moment."
Private moment?
Who knew Gail Collins had it in her?
I was all ears waiting for the naughty bits to begin.
"He would press his cheek to mine and I would press mine to his. Oh Betinna, the moment could be so magical. And then I would look at him with longing and regret as I declared that for us to stay together would kill what I loved in him most. Just like the Countess tells Archer."
"Damn it, Gail," I said frustrated since she long ago exceeded the sell-date on her own Age of Innocence, "you're not the lead in a period novel. You're a grown woman. You have urges."
Gail giggled nervously as a blush crossed her cheeks and she bowed her head.
Ignoring her, I announced dinner was ready and everyone took their assigned seats.
Right away, Cedric brought up an interesting topic, the committment we need to make to our communities, the need to engage on the most basic level.
Thomas Friedman, staring at Rebecca's chest, offered, "I engage on the most basic level."
Rolling her eyes, lighting up and reaching for the wine bottle, Rebecca attempted to ignore him.
"What I'm saying," Cedric continued, "is that we are our environment."
"Don't be bringing your revolutionary talk to my dinner table, Cedric X," Thomas Friedman snapped.
I tried to convey "Ignore him" with my eyes but I think Cedric was already two steps ahead of me.
"I'm saying that we don't just owe a societal debt, we have a societal investment."
"Watch out for that one," Thomas Friedman said to Ty, "he'll be looting before the night is over."
And that was it for Ty and Cedric who both rose from the table and walked out.
"Hey, who invited the PC police!" Thomas Friedman called out loudly, greatly amused with himself while I implored Jess, Rebecca and Ron to stay a bit more.
Gail Collins was too busy trying to strike coy and demure poses to register anything that was said.
Jess tried to save the evening by talking about the importance of arts.
"Arts, schmarts. Give me Baby Spice shaking it in a tight skirt and that's all the culture I need! You hear me, Rob?"
"Ron," I corrected.
"Hey, what was the deal with Ginger Spice? She was a chunky little plain thing. If I want to see that, I can pop over to Gail's office."
"Oh, Thomas," Gail Collins cooed.
"Ron's a playwright," I said attempting to steer the conversation to some of those higher topics Thomas Friedman spoke of in his column.
"The last good play was Hair," Thomas Friedman said opening another bottle of wine.
"You like musicals, do you?" asked Jess.
"I like boobs. Bouncing boobs. Big boobs. Naked boobs. Naked broads. That's theatre!"
"Oh my," Gail Collins said fanning herself furiously, "It's getting so racy. Betinna, is this a blue party?"
"Ron, what kind of plays do you write?" I asked still thinking I could create that magical, serious dinner discussion that Thomas Friedman had spoken of.
"Well --"
"You got naked broads in 'em?" Thomas Friedman asked drinking straight from the bottle. "Naked broads sell tickets."
"Actually, it's a political play," Ron explained.
"Boring. B-O boring," Thomas Friedman declared leaping to his feet and heading towards Rebecca. "You know what people like? Sexual choreography."
With that Thomas Friedman attempted to thrust his crotch in Rebecca's face repeatedly until she reached over, grabbed him by his testicles and offered, "Kimono boy, you can park it in your chair with everything intact or you can lose these mini-marshmallows right now."
Muttering under his breath, Thomas Friedman returned to his seat while Gail Collins leaned in close to Ron.
"The air is ripe with the the heat of passion. Will you join me on the balconey?" Gail asked Ron.
Before he could reply, Thomas Friedman hollered, "Balconey? It's a fire escape! Good God, Collins, it's like you have 40 Year Old Virgin carved in your frumpy forehead!"
Flushed with anger, Gail Collins nodded to me, "Betinna, I bid you good night."
Attempting to be a gentleman, Ron stood which Gail took to mean he wanted to leave with her.
Clutching him firmly, Gail Collins declared to the confused Ron, "You couldn't be happy if it meant being cruel. If we act any other way I'll be making you act against what I love in you most. And I can't go back to that way of thinking. Don't you see? I can't love you unless I give you up."
As she left sobbing, Ron declared, "She lost me at hello."
Thomas Friedman found that hilarious.
"Jerry MacGuire! Funny movie! With a subtext! Jerry represents Michael Jackson!"
Well it wasn't the pressing issue of how to fix the country or a discussion of the theater but maybe there was still hope for the evening?
"Know what was missing?" Thomas Friedman asked. "Sexy broads. You hear me, Roy?"
"Ron," I again corrected.
"Big boobed, sexy broads," Thomas Friedman said, ignoring me and punctuating his 'critique' with a belch.
"That Renee Zellwigger, she'd shrink the nads with her sour puss face," Thomas Friedman declared downing more wine. "Hollywood ain't go no hot broads? Is that it? All the fine pieces of tail are off making Girls Gone Wild videos? Pretty soon, they'll be left to cast Judy Miller! Anyone else notice that she dropped a ton in jail? Lost the double chins. Looks like she had work done but forgot to fix the boobs!"
Suddenly everyone broke into yawns and noted the late hour before leaving.
"Great dinner," Thomas Friedman declared, scratching his armpit with the neck of a wine bottle. "Great conversation. I could get a column out of tonight. We should do this more often."
And repeat the 20 most embarrassing minutes of my life?
As I cleaned up, Thomas Friedman began ticking off the subjects he felt we'd covered: Freedom of the press (his mention of Judith Miller), the dearth of solid entertainment (the lack of nude women on stage and "hot broads" in movies), Hurricane Katrina (his crack about looting) . . .
As I scraped the plates, I thought again of Mrs. K having to fake enthusiasm over seeing The Sandlot yet again. I thought about the dinner party. And it suddenly hit me that everyone who writes for the Times creates their own myths. It's not just Judy with her WMD coverage, it's everyone. In his columns, Nicky K strikes a brave stance despite being one of the biggest cry babies in the tri-state area. Todd S. Purdum pretends to be close to the action despite the fact that his odor results in everyone backing away, far away, from him. Dexter Filkins pretends that he's traveling up and down Iraq and seeing things with his own eyes.
These bores are the great fakes poisoning our discourse.
the new york times
thomas friedman
todd s. purdum
nicholas kristof
the common ills
seth in the city
sex and politics and screeds and attitude
like maria said paz
dexter filkins
why are we back in iraq
gail collins
nicholas kristof
the third estate sunday review
cedrics big mix
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Thomas Friedman's Silence and Suicide Attempt
"Silence & Suicide"? My husband Thomas Friedman calls his latest column "Silence & Suicide"? I thought we weren't supposed to talk publicly about his depression?
He swears that the news meds will help. They look a lot like the vitamins he used to insist I take. When he claimed I had a vitamin C deficiency.
While the silences are nothing new and come whenever reality intrudes in the fantasy world he lives in, one where he is a "great man," the suicide attempt was new.
It all started innocently enough. Thomas Friedman was having a night with "the boys," doing manly stuff. Todd S. Purdum wasn't able to make but he had a used jock strap delivered. The boys liked that.
The boys were Thomas Friedman, Nicky K, John Tierney and Juan Forero. Forero wasn't officially an op-ed writer but he wrote like he was. Besides, they need five for poker and Thomas Friedman wasn't inviting Davy Brooks after the sock incident.
I wasn't as overjoyed as Mrs. K. She was really excited about the prospect of getting Nicky out of the house. As she put it to me over the phone, "Betinna, I love him but when he starts that pouting . . ."
"You want to take a sledge hammer to his head and repeatedly bash his skull in?"
"No . . . "
"You want to string him from the ceiling, grab your tweezers and painfully remove every hair on his body?"
"No . . ."
"What?"
"I want him to just go away."
I could relate. Sometimes, I'm looking around the apartment and thinking how much nicer it would be (and smell) without Thomas Friedman around or, sometimes when I'm in bed at night and his nose hairs are fluttering with each window shattering snore, I start thinking how much more comfortable the bed would be without his clammy feet and assorted "explosions" throughout the night. He always blames it on a "sour stomach."
So I could relate. And Mrs. K is such a good friend that it didn't bother me that I was having "the boys" over at our place. Mrs. K said next time they'd use her place but we both know Thomas Friedman has to hold court.
So there he was holding court. And at some point, after the boys were done playing with Todd S. Purdum's smelly jock strap which they enjoyed flinging at each other and then shrieking like little girls, when either Nicky K had a death wish or he just wanted to needle Thomas Friedman.
"You know who should be hear?" Nicky K asked grinning.
"Who? Richard W. Stevenson? He's off with Bumillie on an extreme Elite Fluff Patrol mission!" laughed Juan Forero with the laugh of a man who obviously rarely got to laugh and said with the edge of someone who has more often been the butt of jokes.
Little Juan.
Everyone, including Thomas Friedman, leaned in anticipating one of those raunchy jokes that Nicky K is so fond of when Mrs. K isn't around.
Enjoying a rare moment in the spotlight, Nicky K grinned before spitting out, "Davy Brooks!"
"Yeah," John Tierney said which was, not surpising from his writing, about as much as he could contribute to a conversation.
"Where is he?" Juan asked flaring his nostrils.
Thomas Friedman eye balled Nicky K but Nicky was too self-amused.
"He's not allowed here," Nicky laughed, laughed so hard he spit a little of the salsa. "He's not allowed here because Thomas Friedman saw him in a sock and felt threatened."
"He has big feet?" John Tierney asked, not surprisingly, in an oblivious manner.
"It wasn't on his feet!" Nicky K giggled. "It was on his appendage! An appendage that has reminded Thomas Friedman of all the cruel high school locker room days with catcalls of 'baldie' and 'shorty!'"
Thomas Friedman exploded. I don't think Juan Forero saw the saucer before it flew into his nose. Dishes were flying everywhere as Thomas Friedman, with amazing speed for such a large man, lept across the table and landed on Nicky K.
Nicky K wasn't laughing. He was screaming.
"Get this fat ass off me!" Nicky screamed.
"Fluffy!" Thomas Friedman snarled slamming Nicky K's head against the floor. "Fluffy ass! I have a fluffy ass!"
Then Thomas Friedman kept banging Nicky K's head against the floor with each repeat of fluffy.
John Tierney turned to me and asked, "Shouldn't we do something?"
That's about as action oriented as Mr. Passive gets apparently. But Juan Forero was no help either.
"Oh, no! I never get involved with situations like these! I don't even watch situations like these! Look, I'm turning my head! I'm looking the other way! Just like when I'm escorted around in Columbia!"
Realizing I was my own and anymore blows to the head might actually manage to do damage to Nicky K's brain, I took action.
Grabbing the portable phone, I stood a few yards away and began speaking into it, "Why yes, Mr. Keller, Thomas Friedman is here."
That got Thomas Friedman's attention as he continued his death grip on the neck of the eye bulging Nicky K.
"Keller!" Thomas Friedman said, practically cross-eyed in his anger.
"It's for you, Thomas Friedman," I said to him. "Bill Keller says he wants you back in the Sunday paper."
Thomas Friedman tossed his head back and cackled.
As he began swaggering to the phone, Nicky K attempted to catch his breath.
"Go, you idiot!" I hissed at Nicky K.
"Thomas Friedman speaking," Thomas Friedman said, his chest wide and full with self-importance. "What is it you have to say, Billy?"
"Move!" I yelled at everyone.
Grabbing Nicky K by the elbow, as though he were escorting a woman to a formal dinner, John Tierney began leading Nicky K to safety while Juan Forero covered his own eyes with both hands and stumbled towards the front door.
"Betinna!" Thomas Friedman bellowed. "I think Keller hung up on me!"
"Call him back," I said stalling for time. "I'm sure it was an accident."
As the three finally made it out the door, I thought of how I'd be the one picking up the chips, the broken dishes and scrubbing that blood off the carpet. The fun never ends at casa de Friedman.
"Betinna, there's no answer!"
Hearing the front door slam shut, I felt I could at least be honest.
"There was no call from Keller," I sighed. "I made it up to save you from a trial and jury."
"WHAT!!" Thomas Friedman hollered sweat dripping from his enraged face. "You have made me the laughing stock! In front of all my friends!"
Picking up broken glass, I muttered, "You don't need my help for that."
I forgot how fragile Thomas Friedman's ego was. He gasped. He shrieked. He put his palm to his forehead and left his mouth hanging wide open.
"I can take no more," Thomas Friedman said calmly as he reached for something near some broken glass.
For a moment I was worried but then I saw his fat, chubby fingers grab the strap of Todd S. Purdum's jock strap.
"I am going to kill myself!" Thomas Friedman shrieked and ran towards the bathroom clutching the jock strap to his mouth.
"Don't try to stop me, Betinna," Thomas Friedman cautioned.
Who had time to? Salsa on the walls, blood on the carpet, broken glass all around.
Four hours later, after cleaning the mess, I found him face down in the bathroom. Rolling him over, I took Todd's jock from his mouth and nose and Thomas Friedman began coughing and and coming around.
That was the big suicide attempt. And it was just days ago. So it struck me as very strange that he'd reference it in his latest column.
But as Mrs. K once put it, as delicately as possible, "Betinna, you are married to a severe drama queen."
That's putting it mildly.
the new york times
thomas friedman
david brooks
juan forero
john tierney
todd s. purdum
nicholas kristof
the common ills
He swears that the news meds will help. They look a lot like the vitamins he used to insist I take. When he claimed I had a vitamin C deficiency.
While the silences are nothing new and come whenever reality intrudes in the fantasy world he lives in, one where he is a "great man," the suicide attempt was new.
It all started innocently enough. Thomas Friedman was having a night with "the boys," doing manly stuff. Todd S. Purdum wasn't able to make but he had a used jock strap delivered. The boys liked that.
The boys were Thomas Friedman, Nicky K, John Tierney and Juan Forero. Forero wasn't officially an op-ed writer but he wrote like he was. Besides, they need five for poker and Thomas Friedman wasn't inviting Davy Brooks after the sock incident.
I wasn't as overjoyed as Mrs. K. She was really excited about the prospect of getting Nicky out of the house. As she put it to me over the phone, "Betinna, I love him but when he starts that pouting . . ."
"You want to take a sledge hammer to his head and repeatedly bash his skull in?"
"No . . . "
"You want to string him from the ceiling, grab your tweezers and painfully remove every hair on his body?"
"No . . ."
"What?"
"I want him to just go away."
I could relate. Sometimes, I'm looking around the apartment and thinking how much nicer it would be (and smell) without Thomas Friedman around or, sometimes when I'm in bed at night and his nose hairs are fluttering with each window shattering snore, I start thinking how much more comfortable the bed would be without his clammy feet and assorted "explosions" throughout the night. He always blames it on a "sour stomach."
So I could relate. And Mrs. K is such a good friend that it didn't bother me that I was having "the boys" over at our place. Mrs. K said next time they'd use her place but we both know Thomas Friedman has to hold court.
So there he was holding court. And at some point, after the boys were done playing with Todd S. Purdum's smelly jock strap which they enjoyed flinging at each other and then shrieking like little girls, when either Nicky K had a death wish or he just wanted to needle Thomas Friedman.
"You know who should be hear?" Nicky K asked grinning.
"Who? Richard W. Stevenson? He's off with Bumillie on an extreme Elite Fluff Patrol mission!" laughed Juan Forero with the laugh of a man who obviously rarely got to laugh and said with the edge of someone who has more often been the butt of jokes.
Little Juan.
Everyone, including Thomas Friedman, leaned in anticipating one of those raunchy jokes that Nicky K is so fond of when Mrs. K isn't around.
Enjoying a rare moment in the spotlight, Nicky K grinned before spitting out, "Davy Brooks!"
"Yeah," John Tierney said which was, not surpising from his writing, about as much as he could contribute to a conversation.
"Where is he?" Juan asked flaring his nostrils.
Thomas Friedman eye balled Nicky K but Nicky was too self-amused.
"He's not allowed here," Nicky laughed, laughed so hard he spit a little of the salsa. "He's not allowed here because Thomas Friedman saw him in a sock and felt threatened."
"He has big feet?" John Tierney asked, not surprisingly, in an oblivious manner.
"It wasn't on his feet!" Nicky K giggled. "It was on his appendage! An appendage that has reminded Thomas Friedman of all the cruel high school locker room days with catcalls of 'baldie' and 'shorty!'"
Thomas Friedman exploded. I don't think Juan Forero saw the saucer before it flew into his nose. Dishes were flying everywhere as Thomas Friedman, with amazing speed for such a large man, lept across the table and landed on Nicky K.
Nicky K wasn't laughing. He was screaming.
"Get this fat ass off me!" Nicky screamed.
"Fluffy!" Thomas Friedman snarled slamming Nicky K's head against the floor. "Fluffy ass! I have a fluffy ass!"
Then Thomas Friedman kept banging Nicky K's head against the floor with each repeat of fluffy.
John Tierney turned to me and asked, "Shouldn't we do something?"
That's about as action oriented as Mr. Passive gets apparently. But Juan Forero was no help either.
"Oh, no! I never get involved with situations like these! I don't even watch situations like these! Look, I'm turning my head! I'm looking the other way! Just like when I'm escorted around in Columbia!"
Realizing I was my own and anymore blows to the head might actually manage to do damage to Nicky K's brain, I took action.
Grabbing the portable phone, I stood a few yards away and began speaking into it, "Why yes, Mr. Keller, Thomas Friedman is here."
That got Thomas Friedman's attention as he continued his death grip on the neck of the eye bulging Nicky K.
"Keller!" Thomas Friedman said, practically cross-eyed in his anger.
"It's for you, Thomas Friedman," I said to him. "Bill Keller says he wants you back in the Sunday paper."
Thomas Friedman tossed his head back and cackled.
As he began swaggering to the phone, Nicky K attempted to catch his breath.
"Go, you idiot!" I hissed at Nicky K.
"Thomas Friedman speaking," Thomas Friedman said, his chest wide and full with self-importance. "What is it you have to say, Billy?"
"Move!" I yelled at everyone.
Grabbing Nicky K by the elbow, as though he were escorting a woman to a formal dinner, John Tierney began leading Nicky K to safety while Juan Forero covered his own eyes with both hands and stumbled towards the front door.
"Betinna!" Thomas Friedman bellowed. "I think Keller hung up on me!"
"Call him back," I said stalling for time. "I'm sure it was an accident."
As the three finally made it out the door, I thought of how I'd be the one picking up the chips, the broken dishes and scrubbing that blood off the carpet. The fun never ends at casa de Friedman.
"Betinna, there's no answer!"
Hearing the front door slam shut, I felt I could at least be honest.
"There was no call from Keller," I sighed. "I made it up to save you from a trial and jury."
"WHAT!!" Thomas Friedman hollered sweat dripping from his enraged face. "You have made me the laughing stock! In front of all my friends!"
Picking up broken glass, I muttered, "You don't need my help for that."
I forgot how fragile Thomas Friedman's ego was. He gasped. He shrieked. He put his palm to his forehead and left his mouth hanging wide open.
"I can take no more," Thomas Friedman said calmly as he reached for something near some broken glass.
For a moment I was worried but then I saw his fat, chubby fingers grab the strap of Todd S. Purdum's jock strap.
"I am going to kill myself!" Thomas Friedman shrieked and ran towards the bathroom clutching the jock strap to his mouth.
"Don't try to stop me, Betinna," Thomas Friedman cautioned.
Who had time to? Salsa on the walls, blood on the carpet, broken glass all around.
Four hours later, after cleaning the mess, I found him face down in the bathroom. Rolling him over, I took Todd's jock from his mouth and nose and Thomas Friedman began coughing and and coming around.
That was the big suicide attempt. And it was just days ago. So it struck me as very strange that he'd reference it in his latest column.
But as Mrs. K once put it, as delicately as possible, "Betinna, you are married to a severe drama queen."
That's putting it mildly.
the new york times
thomas friedman
david brooks
juan forero
john tierney
todd s. purdum
nicholas kristof
the common ills
Monday, October 10, 2005
Found in the paper
I found these in the paper. Not my husband's Thomas Friedman's paper because there's not much to read in that paper.
1) TV review
"TV Review: Threshold Surpasses the Audience's"
One definition of "threshold" is the point at which something is true or will take place. Another definition of the term is a beginning. We don't believe either applies to CBS' Threshold which airs Friday nights.
How can it be a beginning when it's so obviously recycling every TV show that's come before?
To clear things up at the outset, the show does not star Courtney Cox. Carla Gugino, the Wal-Mart version of Cox, stars in Threshold. We understand the confusion because she does sound a little like Courtney Cox and even looks a little like Cox on the first season of Friends when no one knew what to do with Monica's hair.
No one knows what to do with Gugino's hair either. We'd suggest washing it with a product that would strip away all the filmy buildup. Gugino, in 1996, lasted half a season on Spin City, it's debut season, and left under circumstances so sour that when the show began repeating during it's first season, she was stripped out of every episode her character Ashley had previously appeared in. Is it the hair?
We don't know. We know she wore it up, we know she wore it pulled back in a pony tail and we know she wore it loose in a "style" that appeared to be comb free because a comb-through would have taken out some of the stiffness from the overly generous application of hair spray. (They appear to use several "coats" of hair spray.)
The pilot was so bad that they reworked it before airing it. (Screeners of the original pilot are still in circulation.) What they haven't reworked thus far is "dirty head" which appears to be the look Gugino's promoting. She also promotes her breasts. Not just via plunging necklines but via an annoying habit she has of leaning forward and digging her upper arms into her chest to make the breasts pop out when she wants to ask a favor.
For instance, in one talking head scene, the following exchange occurs between Gugino and Peter Dinklage.
Gugino: Ramsey, I need to tap your expertise.
Dinklage: Oh I knew you would eventually. The answer is yes.
Gugino: Excuse me?
Dinklage: Women always come to me for sexual release like I'm some machine.
Gugino: I was referring to your language skills.
Dinklage: Your loss. How may I be your linguistic bee-o-tch.
The scene's offensive for many reasons. For instance, we wonder how anyone could forget the criticism that greeted Chevy Chase & Carrie Fisher's Under the Rainbow -- after which, you'd think trafficking in stereotypes about short people* would be something most would avoid. (Dinklage is four feet and seven inches.) But Gugino's Dr. Caffrey, who is supposed to lead the team and be the boss, really doesn't deserve that dialogue. Until you notice that for half the above lines, she's thrust out her chest and dug her upper arms in to frame those breasts. Gugino's obviously been studying acting with tutors Suzanne Sommers and Jennie Garth, but where did Dr. Caffrey graduate from -- Hooters Med?
In scene after scene she shows up with one plunging neckline after another (bra optional) and you're left to wonder exactly what sort of clothing strikes the doctor as "casual dress"?
Gugino's the "piece of ass." Just like she was in the failed Karen Cisco. She can't be anything else because she's unable to convincingly perform as anything other than a TGIF hostess. Where the dialogue and the scene would require Gugino to get angry, she smiles. As a beauty contestant, she might have a future (provided someone washes that hair). As an actress, Spin City may be all she's ever known for at this rate.
Not knowing anyone on the show, we worked the phone lines (The New York Times would call it "reporting") and here's some of what we learned. The show's already tanking in the ratings, CBS brass was reportedly never happy with the promised fixes to the pilot that they don't feel were added, the show's creator has lived in spec script hell and only recently emerged with a legitimate "credit." If you consider Average Joe a legitimate "credit" -- we don't.
One friend told us, "We thought we were getting the X-Files and ended up with Stargate." That wasn't intended as a compliment.
So what's the show about? We'll tell you quickly before the show's gone or retooled (both options are reportedly being seriously explored).
Each show begins with Gugino doing a voice over. She explains that she's in the field of worst case scenarios, but before you doze off, she's not working for State Farm. She works for the federal government and seems to have spent her time prior to the start of the fall season playing long games of what ifs? -- your tax dollars at work. On September 16th, she tells us, a naval carrier encountered an extra terrestrial. Now it's all changed and there's no time for musing or hair washing.
Gugino: They will strike any time, any place, anyone. Their goal? To turn us into them. But I have a plan to stop them. That plan is called Threshold.
Not exactly "Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy," is it? But they're currently stuck with the voice over because no one's watching and the show's structured in such a way that the opening scenes will rarely involve the regular cast members so they have to inform anyone who might happen by what the show is about.
There's hope that Brian Van Holt might be a "breakaway" star. Considering that Holt was perfect for the film House of Wax, we doubt that will happen due to his acting. The hopes are pinned on his looks and before you get too curious, let us advise you that Van Holt is a stockier, more square jawed version of Peter Berg (both are the same height) and Berg hasn't exactly sent most of America into a frenzy. But on this show, Van Holt passes for "eye candy."
So we've got piece of ass and sour eye candy. What else? Really nothing. Quirks don't make for characters and bad acting doesn't make for riveting TV. Charles S. Dutton glowers a lot. He's not used that much. It's a weaker version of the Morgan Freeman role in an Ashley Judd film.
The show tries to create excitement via really bad cross cutting. At one point, there's a device that will harm the entire city in Baltimore's subway. Gugino and a man under her try to disarm the device before it goes off while Van Holt and others chase down the guy who created the device, while Dutton screams for them to get out of there. Back and forth, back and forth.
Cross cutting, editing in fact, requires something more than "let's go check in on ___ who we haven't seen in a few seconds." You need a transition. That can come via a visual or an audio, but you need a reason to go from one location to the next.
Apparently the rules of reality TV are now infecting dramas and no one's benifitting.
Gugino's in a lot of scenes. Not all of them, but most of them. She's in the scene, for instance, where a guy won't talk so she threatens to send him to Guantanamo Bay and when he doesn't reply, orders the military to take him away. He cracks then.
Apparently someone finds that humorous.
They also, no doubt, find it humorous when an African-American is grabbed on the streets by two white guys and thrown into a van, then whisked off in the van and abused in the van. To make sure no one's offended, Threshold takes a page from the Bully Boy playbook and fronts a person of color to do the dirty work (in this case a guest star who happens to be both African-American and female -- Condi Rice, you have impacted society!).
There are other scenes that end, for instance, charmingly enough with the words, "Marines, take him away!" Or how about the opening interrogation scene where a person is speaking Korean (though Dutton says he doesn't know what the guy's speaking) and instead of providing a translator to explain that they're about to take a blood sample, they hold the guy and scream at him (in English)?
Dutton: Take it easy! I don't know what the hell you're saying but if you don't calm down right now, we'll just take a blood sample off the floor!
Not convinced by how offensive the show is yet? How about this, the Condi Rice? She's a cop. Her partner Blake was killed (she apparently checks his locker daily since his death) but she's convinced that the killer would get an easy deal/plea bargain. So she lists him as dead.
What does she do to him?
Let's let Condi tell it:
I figured if cargo pods were good enough for smuggling people, they were good for holding them.
This show is full of ugly people. Ugly to look at, ugly on the inside. Maybe it's supposed to be some larger statement on the current climate in this country? If so, it makes sense that "Condi" suffers no consequences for holding a prisoner in cargo pod down at the waterfront instead of taking him in, booking him and letting him have access to a lawyer or even a toilet.
Is that how ugly America is? We don't think the country's that bad. Call us optimists or maybe just note that we didn't make money off of making America look ugly via Average Joe. Reality TV is nothing but the guests of Jerry Springer kept around for a full season. So it's not surprising that Threshold, created by the Average Joe behind Average Joe, would attempt to portray one vile scene after another, without even grasping how ugly this whole thing is.
Maybe he missed the story of Mexicans dying in a trailer (cargo pod?) when they attempted to enter the country illegally? Or maybe Bragi F. Schut thinks that's "ripped from the headlines" and is too dense to grasp that when you take that approach, you need to have some clearly identified "do gooders" around. Law & Order can do the perp walk over and over (and over) because some viewers will buy the regulars as concerned with larger principles.
This show's only principle is the Alan Dershowitz inane "ticking time bomb" argument. In this case, the time bomb is a series of audio frequencies that aliens are using to take over the planet. (Which of course means America because people behind shows like this think the world begins and ends in the United States.) This "ticking time bomb" argument leads to, next week, jokes about bombing Miami. Are we getting how ugly this show is?
This isn't gallows humor, it's not developed or thought out enough for that. This is a weak premise that tries to combine several X-Files episodes and the mini-series and short lived television show V into one combo and tie Dershowitz around it. Honestly, he should get royalties for the DVD set that will no doubt be issued when the show is cancelled -- the real ticking time bomb everyone involved in this show should worry about.
If a theme's emerging so far this season, we suspect it may be "the public is a bunch of losers who can't be trusted." You can see that with Prison Break. On this show, you see it as well. You're told that the public (which would be you and us) can't be told of what is happening because they'd "panic." You're told, by Gugino, "Historically speaking, the public can't function in a crisis."
That justification doesn't work in an open society. But like Bully Boy, Gugino's happy to tie al Qaeda into anything. On this show, it's aliens. Instead of letting "Condi" know, at the end of the episode, that they've been going up against aliens, Gugino let's her think it was al Qaeda.
"Condi": I really underestimated al Qaeda. I mean I never dreamed guys living in caves could be so scientifically advanced. Inventing a weapon to turn us into maniacs?
Gugino: They may live in caves, bu they have the money and connections to buy what they need and the less they know about what we know the better our chances of stopping them.
Gugino's lying to "Condi." Fortunately, when Condi walks off with a "no one could have guessed" look on her face, another character explains Gugino lied -- explains to Gugino (!) because even the cast doesn't trust that the audience can follow her "acting" choices. Every line's delivered the same -- with her looking at the person she's speaking to in the same way. She's the Henry Kissenger of acting. No, she didn't bomb Cambodia, she's just stunk up two networks so far (ABC and now CBS).
Until CBS pulls the plug (or an Acting Crimes Tribunal is created), Threshold will be around for a bit more. Catch if it you want to see a very ugly view of America. An ugly view that's endorsed and encouraged. This isn't a critique of society, this is a "Yee-haw!" get on board, drink the Kool Aid production.
No one's reputation will emerge intact from this show. (Sorry, Dutton.) We wondered if we were missing something in the show. So we consulted self-described sci-fi friends who assured us this show was a dog with fleas and the mange. We watched two episodes Friday. Not once but several times. First, we watched them the normal way. Then we watched them with the sound off. Then we watched them with the audio on but not looking at the TV. We were hoping to find something, anything to suggest that this was a send-up or a critique.
It's not. This is Bragi F. Schut's view of the world. We're confused as to whether or not Schut has a relationship with the Alpine Group Inc. (out of New Jersey) but we're not surprised that he traffics in a show that promotes fear of the other, hysteria and disregard for rule of law. He established that as his "stock in trade" when he established his "credit" with Average Joe.
[*Note: We're not sure which term Dinklage uses to self-describe. We were told by two people that it's "short" so we've used "short people." Our apologies to anyone, including Dinklage, who uses or prefers another term.]
posted by Third Estate Sunday Review @ Sunday, October 09, 2005
threshold
2) News review
"The Third Estate Sunday Review News Review 10-09-05"
C.I.: Welcome to The Third Estate Sunday Review News Review 10-09-05. The news review is the brainchild of The Third Estate Sunday Review's Dona and we do it in one hour time frame. This is rough transcript. We'll have reports on nature and the environment, entertainment news, a commentary on Bully Boy's latest chat buddy and news on what's happened to The Smurfs. I'm not kidding on that last item. This is a news review for the left. First up, Iraq. We begin with Mike of Mikey Likes It!
Mike: In Baghdad, a killing spree is taking place and Hala Jaber of The Sunday Times of London reports that speculation is the killings are linked to the Iraqi police force. The speculation is that "ethnic cleansing" is going on and that Sunnis in the Shi'ite neighborhoods, specifically Sunni men married to Shi'ite women are being killed. Claims of "insurgents" being targeted are weak when you consider that one of the men assassinated, Najah al-Rassam, worked for "interior ministry’s Maghaweer special police force." al-Rassam was pulled from his bed by the police, taken to the Badr Brigade for confirmation and then killed.
C.I.: To jump in here for a moment, the Badr Brigade is the paramilitary group of the Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq. They've been accused, including by Allawi, of killing intelligent officers at the behest of Iran. While Saddam Hussein ruled Iran, the Badr Brigade was stationed in Iran, a composition of Iraqi exiles, but they returned to Iraq following the 2003 invasion. Along with the report you're addressing, they've also been accused of targeting British troops. How many Sunnis have been reported killed?
Mike: 22. And they were not turned over to their families. The 22 bodies were found in the desert, wrists still restrained by handcuffs, plastic and metal, or ropes. There are concerns that a civil war is emerging. The 22 men were all blindfolded and had been killed via gunshots. The bodies were dumped in the desert and that's something that should be concerned whenever reports come out of a newly discovered group of bodies. A total of 539 bodies have been found at present. The tensions come as Iraq prepares to vote on their constitutional referendum and measures are being imposed including curfews and border closings as the election approaches.
C.I.: Thank you, Mike. Now we go to Cedric of Cedric's Big Mix with further thoughts on the Iraqi Constitution.
Cedric: At Iraq Dispatches, Dahr Jamail has posted "Open Letter to Amnesty International on the Iraqi Constitution." In the letter, an Iraqi writes:
To hold the election, thousands of people were killed and the entire city ofFallujah was demolished. Now, what is needed to impose a constitution? A civil war?
Cedric (con't): The letter questions the assumption that a constitution is currently needed considering both the process under which it was written and the upcoming elections in the face of the current climatethat finds Iraq on what appears to be the brink of civil war. Will the constitution provide more than a photo op? How are Iraqis being helped by the push for the constitution? Also noted is an article from The Guardian, by Haifa Zangana, that attempts to remind people this constitution is being written in a war zone and is on imposed timeline that is coming from outside of Iraq. The article also notes that:
Just a few weeks ago, a highly significant judicial decision, comprising more than 130 pages, was handed down by the German Federal Administrative Court. With careful reasoning, the judges ruled that the assault launched by the United States and its allies against Iraq was a clear war of aggression that violated international law.The occupation itself constitutes the gravest violation of human rights and dignity. The legitimacy and autonomy of this government, installed and completely controlled by the US occupation forces after an illegal and illegitimate war of aggression, is not only challenged by a large part of the Iraqi population, but also by the international peace movement and international lawyers.
Cedric (con't): The constitution, if passed, will not provide Iraqis with any means to address the violations and war crimes that have taken place in Iraq under the occupation or by the occupying forces.
C.I.: Thank you, Cedric. The open letter is from the Brussels Tribunal which was one of the groups participating in this summer's World Tribunal on Iraq. The Brussels Tribunal also has addressed what the two British intel agents may have been doing in Basra when they captured last month. The two, attempting to pass for Arabs, were stopped by Basra police and found with weapons including explosives. That hasn't been addressed in the United States but in Scotland and other nations, it has made the news. More information on this can be found in "The Salvador Option exposed. Who's Blowing Up Iraq? New evidence shows that bombs are being planted by British in Basra" at the Brussels Tribunal Organization. Now we go to Jess of The Third Estate Sunday Review with an update on the unrelated threat announcement of last week, Operation Scare The Hell Out Of America.
Jess: Operation Scare The Hell Out Of America has not gone over as well as some might have hoped. The terror alert, which came just as Bully Boy began once again linking the occupation of Iraq with 9/11, is being questioned after unquestioning acceptance. Michael Weissenstein reports for the Associated Press of the alleged threat to NYC subways that "Almost as soon as the threat was made public, officials in Washington began talking it down, and Homeland Security still downplayed the threat Saturday." In D.C. the Washington Monument was closed for two hours on Friday due to an alleged bomb threat. After police searched and found nothing, the Washington Monument was reopened. Operation Scare The Hell Out of America has led to many stories being ignored such as the fact that the library group whose records are sought under the Patriot Act are still under gag order as a result of the Supreme Court denying their appeal. New opponents to the Patriot Act include the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the National Association of Manufacturers.
C.I.: Jess, this comes as two bills are working their way through Congress.
Jess: Correct. A provision in the original Patriot Act, added due to concerns on the part of some lawmakers, would have certain aspects of the legislation sunset out. As the expiration date approaches, there is a push for renewal. In the House, the renewal of components that would otherwise be phased out would renew them for ten years. The Senate version would renew them for four years.
C.I.: Republican Bob Barr's group is favoring the Senate version as the lesser of the two evils.
Jess: I hadn't found anything on that. I did find that, no surprise, Alberto Gonzales is favoring the House version. Business groups now coming out against the Patriot Act have spoken of the fact that we are no longer under threat which may offer additional explanations for the launch of Operation Scare The Hell Out of America.
C.I.: Thank you, Jess. We now go to Elaine with commentary on Bully Boy's new chat buddy, Elaine of Like Maria Said Paz.
Elaine: Scotland's The Herald delves further into the claim by Bully Boy George W. Bush that God speaks to him. Palestinian Information Minister Nabil Shaath asserts that in June of 2003, Bully Boy explained his conversations with the Lord Jesus Christ who speaks back or possibly, like Diane Keaton says in Love & Death, Bully Boy does "both parts"? William Tinning notes that Bully Boy claims: "God would tell me . . . George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan. And I did. And then God would tell me . . . George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq. And I did."
If Bully Boy is indeed hearing voices the two most likely explanations are as follows. One, William Kristol and Robert Kagan's gentle whispers have been mistaken by Bully Boy for the voice of God. Two, the strange behavior that's included numerous falls and stumbles that put the klutzy experiences of Gerald Ford to shame, despite little commentary from the press, and the psychosis claim of hearing God speak to him are signs of a serious illness that goes beyond the mere delusions many have abscribed to the Bully Boy.
C.I.: Elaine, there are people who feel that they get signs from various religious figures. What's the difference between that and what you're reporting on Bully Boy?
Elaine: Good question. It's not uncommon for people to look for or ask for a sign from above when they're making a decision. It can be a big decision or a small one. But that's not uncommon. It's not uncommon for someone to state that they feel the presence of a higher power around them. These issues go to faith and how one practices a faith. With Bully Boy, we're not hearing that. With him, we're hearing, from Shaath, that he speaks and then he hears the Lord speak back. That is not a sign, that is not feeling God around you. That is claiming that you, and apparently you alone, are speaking one on one with the Lord. That is psychosis. If it's true. Not just if Shaath is retelling what he was told accurately, but also if Bully Boy was being genuine -- always a big if. This is very serious and the press, in this country, hasn't given it the attention it deserves. Another take on it, one that Mike offered this week, at his site Mikey Likes It!, that Bully Boy's pushing the responsibility of the decisions he made off onto God. That's a likely explanation as well because, as a personality type, Bully Boy does not take responsibility for his actions. Nothing that happens has ever been his fault, in his mind, by his public statements. It's always someone else. The Not So Swift Floaties launch their attacks on John Kerry and Bully Boy acts as though he's not responsible. John McCain is targeted in 2000 and Bully Boy acts as though he's not responsible. He's arrested for a DUI and isn't honest about that while running for the United States Congress and years later will offer that he had to keep quiet because of his children, his children that, as you have pointed out, weren't even born then. There's nothing in the public record that speaks of personal accountability on his part. So it's hardly surprising that with him in a leadership role, we'd have the least accountable administration/government in recent history. The White House has denied that Bully Boy made the remarks about talking to God and God talking back. The domestic, mainstream press has not touched this story in any real manner. Possibly they're worried about offending people of faith. This isn't an issue of faith. This is a medical sympton and he needs to be asked on the record to explain or refute the remarks.
C.I.: Thank you Elaine. With entertainment news, we go to Betty of Thomas Friedman is a Great Man. Betty, I understand that you suspect someone in the oval office has been checking out ABC's fall lineup?
Betty: Correct. The question to ask is: Has Condi Rice been watching Commander-in-Chief, ABC's drama starring Geena Davis as a vice-president who becomes president after the office holder dies? As she departs for a trip that will take her to Afghanistan and throughout Asia, the Sunday Times of London reports, via anonymice, that although Rice won't run for president, she is interested in the vice-presidential post. Always the handmaiden, never the leader. Saturday, playwright August Wilson was buried in Pittsburg which was both the setting for nine of Wilson's plays as well as the town he grew up in. Wilson, who had announced in August that he was suffering from terminal liver cancer, died October 2nd. As we noted in August, the African-American playwright's ten play cycle won much praise and many awards. In an e-mail, Common Ills community member Keesha asked that I note Ma Rainey's Black Bottom as a masterpiece of the 20th century. The TV channel Al-Jazeera has added TV veteran David Frost to their lineup and he will join them this spring.
Ted Koppel will be leaving Nightline at Thanksgiving and not, as assumed, on December 4th when his contract expires. Finally, I'll note that Jennifer Lopez is currently filming Bordertown in which she will play a reporter investigating the murders and disappearances of women in Juarez.
C.I.: Lopez's co-star in that is Antonio Banderas, correct?
Betty: Correct. This will be their first onscreen teaming. The role is thought to be a return to the sort of strong role that Lopez played in Out of Sight opposite George Clooney who, since I have a few more seconds, is planning to produce a live, TV version of Network, the seventies film that took a look at the television news industry and is famous for the phrase, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
C.I.: Thank you, Betty. More information on the murders in Juarez can be found at Eve Ensler's V-Day. V-Day has been shining a light on that issue for some time. We now go to Rebecca, of Sex and Politics and Screeds and Attitude, with news from the world of nature.
Rebecca: C.I., tracking the melting of the polar caps will be more difficult as a result of CryoSat crashing into the ocean. CryoSat was a $224 million satellite launced to measure the thickness of the polar caps but it never went into orbit and instead is believed to have crashed in the North Pole region, into the Lincoln Sea. Some reports express the belief that it came apart in space before crashing to the earth. Regardless, the tracking transmitter was not thought to be working. Meanwhile, Canada's CBC reports that outbreaks of bird flu have been found in Romania and Turkey.
Want to ride a camel in Australia? Take along a "poo bag." Australia's ABC reports that "the amount of camel dung" on Cable Beach has become an issue and "poo bags" are now required.
The think tank Worldwatch Institute, speaking at the 18th World Petroleum Congress, declared that fossil fuels were becoming a thing of the past and that the oil executives in attendance should ask themselves if they were "in the oil business or the energy business." In other energy news, America get ready to get your war on harder. Oil sands in the far noth of Canada are thought to contain "the equivalent of 1.7 trillion barrels of oil." Kevin G. Hall's report for Knight Ridder also notes that "Canada already quietly has surpassed Saudi Arabia as the United States' largest foreign supplier of crude oil and petroleum products."
The Independent of London's Geoffrey Lean reports that genetically modified crops pollute the ground for "up to fifteen years after" harvesting. Of the study and its impact, Lean notes, "Financed by GM companies and Margaret Beckett's Department of the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, the report effectively torpedoes the Government's strategy for introducing GM oilseed rape to this country."
C.I.: Thank you, Rebecca. For a grab bag of items not covered elsewhere, we go to The Third Estate Sunday Review's Ava.
Ava: C.I., following up on Rebecca's look at the environment, I'll begin by noting that a mudslide is thought to have killed 1400 people in Guatemala. Mario Cruz, spokesman for the Fire Brigrade, has stated that there are no survivors. India, Pakistan and Afghanistan have been rocked by an earthquake that's thought to have killed 1800 people in Pakistan alone, with 300 people thought to be dead in India. With regards to Afghanistan, Scotland's Sunday Herald reports that: "Given the remoteness of so many communities it may take weeks to know the full death toll. " The Sunday Times of London has an excerpt from James Yee's book For God and Country: Faith and Patriotism Under Fire. Yee, a Muslim chaplain at Guantanamo Bay, was falsely accused by the United States government of espionage, charges that were bandied about by various news outlets who assisted the government in smearing Yee. The book is his response and offers an inside look at conditions in Guantamao Bay. As noted by the International Federation of Journalists, workers at Canada's CBC have ended their fifty day walk-out and appear victorious in contract talks. Finally, what's happened to TV's The Smurfs since the animated cartoon stopped production of new episodes? Canada's The Windsor Star reports that, in a new cartoon put out by UNICEF, the village the animated cartoon characters reside in is destroyed by bombs dropped by war planes.
C.I.: Thank you, Ava for including the promised update on The Smurfs. The reason for the cartoon?
Ava: Unicef is attempting to raise awareness on the victims of bombings. The cartoon has already began airing in Belgium.
C.I.: Thank you. For our final report, on the world of music, we go to Kat of Kat's Corner (of The Common Ills). Kat?
Kat: This week, check your local listings, PBS will air a documentary on funk master and pioneer George Clinton on Independent Lens. Saturday's broadcast of The Laura Flanders Show featured a discussion on this documentary in the third hour. In other news, the Beastie Boys are denying rumors of a breakup. November 8th sees the release of the group's first hits collection entitled Solid Gold Hits. The Black Eyed Peas will be performing a free concert as part of Honda Civic Live that will take place October 22nd and 23rd. The Independent of London has a wide ranging interview with Carly Simon entitled "Carly Simon: Boho Queen" where Carly discusses breast cancer, meeting Mick Jagger, marriage to James Taylor, her current marriage to poet Jim Hart, and various other topics including Joni Mitchell. Carly's Moonlight Serenade is released in England Monday. Stevie Wonder, who played harmonica on "As Time Goes By" for Carly Simon's Coming Around Again, album not only has a new album coming out, as noted last week, entitled A Time To Love and due to be released October 18th, he's also discussing participating in a new surgery, involving microchips, that, if successful, would allow him to see. December 1st, Comedy Central's The Daily Show will feature it's first musical performance when the White Stripes come on to perform and be interviewed by Jon Stewart. Rolling Stone reports that Police guitarist Andy Summers is working on an autobiography to be entitled One Train Later. Rolling Stone also reports that a new concert film from Greenday will debut in select theaters at the start of November. On November 15, the film, entitled Bullet In A Bible, will be released on DVD.
C.I.: Thank you, Kat. And that wraps up The Third Estate Sunday Review News Review for 10-09-05. As always Jim and Dona, both of The Third Estate Sunday Review, worked behind the scenes to edit, research and keep things running smoothly. In addition thanks to Jess' parents who help with the research and to Dallas who hunts down links.
iraq
the smurfs
iraq constitution
the patriot act
carly simon
august wilson
stevie wonder
george clinton
oil
environment
bird flu
jennifer lopez
david frost
the third estate sunday review
sex and politics and screeds and attitude
kats korner
like maria said paz
the common ills
thomas friedman is a great man
Mikey Likes It
posted by Third Estate Sunday Review @ Sunday, October 09, 2005
1) TV review
"TV Review: Threshold Surpasses the Audience's"
One definition of "threshold" is the point at which something is true or will take place. Another definition of the term is a beginning. We don't believe either applies to CBS' Threshold which airs Friday nights.
How can it be a beginning when it's so obviously recycling every TV show that's come before?
To clear things up at the outset, the show does not star Courtney Cox. Carla Gugino, the Wal-Mart version of Cox, stars in Threshold. We understand the confusion because she does sound a little like Courtney Cox and even looks a little like Cox on the first season of Friends when no one knew what to do with Monica's hair.
No one knows what to do with Gugino's hair either. We'd suggest washing it with a product that would strip away all the filmy buildup. Gugino, in 1996, lasted half a season on Spin City, it's debut season, and left under circumstances so sour that when the show began repeating during it's first season, she was stripped out of every episode her character Ashley had previously appeared in. Is it the hair?
We don't know. We know she wore it up, we know she wore it pulled back in a pony tail and we know she wore it loose in a "style" that appeared to be comb free because a comb-through would have taken out some of the stiffness from the overly generous application of hair spray. (They appear to use several "coats" of hair spray.)
The pilot was so bad that they reworked it before airing it. (Screeners of the original pilot are still in circulation.) What they haven't reworked thus far is "dirty head" which appears to be the look Gugino's promoting. She also promotes her breasts. Not just via plunging necklines but via an annoying habit she has of leaning forward and digging her upper arms into her chest to make the breasts pop out when she wants to ask a favor.
For instance, in one talking head scene, the following exchange occurs between Gugino and Peter Dinklage.
Gugino: Ramsey, I need to tap your expertise.
Dinklage: Oh I knew you would eventually. The answer is yes.
Gugino: Excuse me?
Dinklage: Women always come to me for sexual release like I'm some machine.
Gugino: I was referring to your language skills.
Dinklage: Your loss. How may I be your linguistic bee-o-tch.
The scene's offensive for many reasons. For instance, we wonder how anyone could forget the criticism that greeted Chevy Chase & Carrie Fisher's Under the Rainbow -- after which, you'd think trafficking in stereotypes about short people* would be something most would avoid. (Dinklage is four feet and seven inches.) But Gugino's Dr. Caffrey, who is supposed to lead the team and be the boss, really doesn't deserve that dialogue. Until you notice that for half the above lines, she's thrust out her chest and dug her upper arms in to frame those breasts. Gugino's obviously been studying acting with tutors Suzanne Sommers and Jennie Garth, but where did Dr. Caffrey graduate from -- Hooters Med?
In scene after scene she shows up with one plunging neckline after another (bra optional) and you're left to wonder exactly what sort of clothing strikes the doctor as "casual dress"?
Gugino's the "piece of ass." Just like she was in the failed Karen Cisco. She can't be anything else because she's unable to convincingly perform as anything other than a TGIF hostess. Where the dialogue and the scene would require Gugino to get angry, she smiles. As a beauty contestant, she might have a future (provided someone washes that hair). As an actress, Spin City may be all she's ever known for at this rate.
Not knowing anyone on the show, we worked the phone lines (The New York Times would call it "reporting") and here's some of what we learned. The show's already tanking in the ratings, CBS brass was reportedly never happy with the promised fixes to the pilot that they don't feel were added, the show's creator has lived in spec script hell and only recently emerged with a legitimate "credit." If you consider Average Joe a legitimate "credit" -- we don't.
One friend told us, "We thought we were getting the X-Files and ended up with Stargate." That wasn't intended as a compliment.
So what's the show about? We'll tell you quickly before the show's gone or retooled (both options are reportedly being seriously explored).
Each show begins with Gugino doing a voice over. She explains that she's in the field of worst case scenarios, but before you doze off, she's not working for State Farm. She works for the federal government and seems to have spent her time prior to the start of the fall season playing long games of what ifs? -- your tax dollars at work. On September 16th, she tells us, a naval carrier encountered an extra terrestrial. Now it's all changed and there's no time for musing or hair washing.
Gugino: They will strike any time, any place, anyone. Their goal? To turn us into them. But I have a plan to stop them. That plan is called Threshold.
Not exactly "Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy," is it? But they're currently stuck with the voice over because no one's watching and the show's structured in such a way that the opening scenes will rarely involve the regular cast members so they have to inform anyone who might happen by what the show is about.
There's hope that Brian Van Holt might be a "breakaway" star. Considering that Holt was perfect for the film House of Wax, we doubt that will happen due to his acting. The hopes are pinned on his looks and before you get too curious, let us advise you that Van Holt is a stockier, more square jawed version of Peter Berg (both are the same height) and Berg hasn't exactly sent most of America into a frenzy. But on this show, Van Holt passes for "eye candy."
So we've got piece of ass and sour eye candy. What else? Really nothing. Quirks don't make for characters and bad acting doesn't make for riveting TV. Charles S. Dutton glowers a lot. He's not used that much. It's a weaker version of the Morgan Freeman role in an Ashley Judd film.
The show tries to create excitement via really bad cross cutting. At one point, there's a device that will harm the entire city in Baltimore's subway. Gugino and a man under her try to disarm the device before it goes off while Van Holt and others chase down the guy who created the device, while Dutton screams for them to get out of there. Back and forth, back and forth.
Cross cutting, editing in fact, requires something more than "let's go check in on ___ who we haven't seen in a few seconds." You need a transition. That can come via a visual or an audio, but you need a reason to go from one location to the next.
Apparently the rules of reality TV are now infecting dramas and no one's benifitting.
Gugino's in a lot of scenes. Not all of them, but most of them. She's in the scene, for instance, where a guy won't talk so she threatens to send him to Guantanamo Bay and when he doesn't reply, orders the military to take him away. He cracks then.
Apparently someone finds that humorous.
They also, no doubt, find it humorous when an African-American is grabbed on the streets by two white guys and thrown into a van, then whisked off in the van and abused in the van. To make sure no one's offended, Threshold takes a page from the Bully Boy playbook and fronts a person of color to do the dirty work (in this case a guest star who happens to be both African-American and female -- Condi Rice, you have impacted society!).
There are other scenes that end, for instance, charmingly enough with the words, "Marines, take him away!" Or how about the opening interrogation scene where a person is speaking Korean (though Dutton says he doesn't know what the guy's speaking) and instead of providing a translator to explain that they're about to take a blood sample, they hold the guy and scream at him (in English)?
Dutton: Take it easy! I don't know what the hell you're saying but if you don't calm down right now, we'll just take a blood sample off the floor!
Not convinced by how offensive the show is yet? How about this, the Condi Rice? She's a cop. Her partner Blake was killed (she apparently checks his locker daily since his death) but she's convinced that the killer would get an easy deal/plea bargain. So she lists him as dead.
What does she do to him?
Let's let Condi tell it:
I figured if cargo pods were good enough for smuggling people, they were good for holding them.
This show is full of ugly people. Ugly to look at, ugly on the inside. Maybe it's supposed to be some larger statement on the current climate in this country? If so, it makes sense that "Condi" suffers no consequences for holding a prisoner in cargo pod down at the waterfront instead of taking him in, booking him and letting him have access to a lawyer or even a toilet.
Is that how ugly America is? We don't think the country's that bad. Call us optimists or maybe just note that we didn't make money off of making America look ugly via Average Joe. Reality TV is nothing but the guests of Jerry Springer kept around for a full season. So it's not surprising that Threshold, created by the Average Joe behind Average Joe, would attempt to portray one vile scene after another, without even grasping how ugly this whole thing is.
Maybe he missed the story of Mexicans dying in a trailer (cargo pod?) when they attempted to enter the country illegally? Or maybe Bragi F. Schut thinks that's "ripped from the headlines" and is too dense to grasp that when you take that approach, you need to have some clearly identified "do gooders" around. Law & Order can do the perp walk over and over (and over) because some viewers will buy the regulars as concerned with larger principles.
This show's only principle is the Alan Dershowitz inane "ticking time bomb" argument. In this case, the time bomb is a series of audio frequencies that aliens are using to take over the planet. (Which of course means America because people behind shows like this think the world begins and ends in the United States.) This "ticking time bomb" argument leads to, next week, jokes about bombing Miami. Are we getting how ugly this show is?
This isn't gallows humor, it's not developed or thought out enough for that. This is a weak premise that tries to combine several X-Files episodes and the mini-series and short lived television show V into one combo and tie Dershowitz around it. Honestly, he should get royalties for the DVD set that will no doubt be issued when the show is cancelled -- the real ticking time bomb everyone involved in this show should worry about.
If a theme's emerging so far this season, we suspect it may be "the public is a bunch of losers who can't be trusted." You can see that with Prison Break. On this show, you see it as well. You're told that the public (which would be you and us) can't be told of what is happening because they'd "panic." You're told, by Gugino, "Historically speaking, the public can't function in a crisis."
That justification doesn't work in an open society. But like Bully Boy, Gugino's happy to tie al Qaeda into anything. On this show, it's aliens. Instead of letting "Condi" know, at the end of the episode, that they've been going up against aliens, Gugino let's her think it was al Qaeda.
"Condi": I really underestimated al Qaeda. I mean I never dreamed guys living in caves could be so scientifically advanced. Inventing a weapon to turn us into maniacs?
Gugino: They may live in caves, bu they have the money and connections to buy what they need and the less they know about what we know the better our chances of stopping them.
Gugino's lying to "Condi." Fortunately, when Condi walks off with a "no one could have guessed" look on her face, another character explains Gugino lied -- explains to Gugino (!) because even the cast doesn't trust that the audience can follow her "acting" choices. Every line's delivered the same -- with her looking at the person she's speaking to in the same way. She's the Henry Kissenger of acting. No, she didn't bomb Cambodia, she's just stunk up two networks so far (ABC and now CBS).
Until CBS pulls the plug (or an Acting Crimes Tribunal is created), Threshold will be around for a bit more. Catch if it you want to see a very ugly view of America. An ugly view that's endorsed and encouraged. This isn't a critique of society, this is a "Yee-haw!" get on board, drink the Kool Aid production.
No one's reputation will emerge intact from this show. (Sorry, Dutton.) We wondered if we were missing something in the show. So we consulted self-described sci-fi friends who assured us this show was a dog with fleas and the mange. We watched two episodes Friday. Not once but several times. First, we watched them the normal way. Then we watched them with the sound off. Then we watched them with the audio on but not looking at the TV. We were hoping to find something, anything to suggest that this was a send-up or a critique.
It's not. This is Bragi F. Schut's view of the world. We're confused as to whether or not Schut has a relationship with the Alpine Group Inc. (out of New Jersey) but we're not surprised that he traffics in a show that promotes fear of the other, hysteria and disregard for rule of law. He established that as his "stock in trade" when he established his "credit" with Average Joe.
[*Note: We're not sure which term Dinklage uses to self-describe. We were told by two people that it's "short" so we've used "short people." Our apologies to anyone, including Dinklage, who uses or prefers another term.]
posted by Third Estate Sunday Review @ Sunday, October 09, 2005
threshold
2) News review
"The Third Estate Sunday Review News Review 10-09-05"
C.I.: Welcome to The Third Estate Sunday Review News Review 10-09-05. The news review is the brainchild of The Third Estate Sunday Review's Dona and we do it in one hour time frame. This is rough transcript. We'll have reports on nature and the environment, entertainment news, a commentary on Bully Boy's latest chat buddy and news on what's happened to The Smurfs. I'm not kidding on that last item. This is a news review for the left. First up, Iraq. We begin with Mike of Mikey Likes It!
Mike: In Baghdad, a killing spree is taking place and Hala Jaber of The Sunday Times of London reports that speculation is the killings are linked to the Iraqi police force. The speculation is that "ethnic cleansing" is going on and that Sunnis in the Shi'ite neighborhoods, specifically Sunni men married to Shi'ite women are being killed. Claims of "insurgents" being targeted are weak when you consider that one of the men assassinated, Najah al-Rassam, worked for "interior ministry’s Maghaweer special police force." al-Rassam was pulled from his bed by the police, taken to the Badr Brigade for confirmation and then killed.
C.I.: To jump in here for a moment, the Badr Brigade is the paramilitary group of the Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq. They've been accused, including by Allawi, of killing intelligent officers at the behest of Iran. While Saddam Hussein ruled Iran, the Badr Brigade was stationed in Iran, a composition of Iraqi exiles, but they returned to Iraq following the 2003 invasion. Along with the report you're addressing, they've also been accused of targeting British troops. How many Sunnis have been reported killed?
Mike: 22. And they were not turned over to their families. The 22 bodies were found in the desert, wrists still restrained by handcuffs, plastic and metal, or ropes. There are concerns that a civil war is emerging. The 22 men were all blindfolded and had been killed via gunshots. The bodies were dumped in the desert and that's something that should be concerned whenever reports come out of a newly discovered group of bodies. A total of 539 bodies have been found at present. The tensions come as Iraq prepares to vote on their constitutional referendum and measures are being imposed including curfews and border closings as the election approaches.
C.I.: Thank you, Mike. Now we go to Cedric of Cedric's Big Mix with further thoughts on the Iraqi Constitution.
Cedric: At Iraq Dispatches, Dahr Jamail has posted "Open Letter to Amnesty International on the Iraqi Constitution." In the letter, an Iraqi writes:
To hold the election, thousands of people were killed and the entire city ofFallujah was demolished. Now, what is needed to impose a constitution? A civil war?
Cedric (con't): The letter questions the assumption that a constitution is currently needed considering both the process under which it was written and the upcoming elections in the face of the current climatethat finds Iraq on what appears to be the brink of civil war. Will the constitution provide more than a photo op? How are Iraqis being helped by the push for the constitution? Also noted is an article from The Guardian, by Haifa Zangana, that attempts to remind people this constitution is being written in a war zone and is on imposed timeline that is coming from outside of Iraq. The article also notes that:
Just a few weeks ago, a highly significant judicial decision, comprising more than 130 pages, was handed down by the German Federal Administrative Court. With careful reasoning, the judges ruled that the assault launched by the United States and its allies against Iraq was a clear war of aggression that violated international law.The occupation itself constitutes the gravest violation of human rights and dignity. The legitimacy and autonomy of this government, installed and completely controlled by the US occupation forces after an illegal and illegitimate war of aggression, is not only challenged by a large part of the Iraqi population, but also by the international peace movement and international lawyers.
Cedric (con't): The constitution, if passed, will not provide Iraqis with any means to address the violations and war crimes that have taken place in Iraq under the occupation or by the occupying forces.
C.I.: Thank you, Cedric. The open letter is from the Brussels Tribunal which was one of the groups participating in this summer's World Tribunal on Iraq. The Brussels Tribunal also has addressed what the two British intel agents may have been doing in Basra when they captured last month. The two, attempting to pass for Arabs, were stopped by Basra police and found with weapons including explosives. That hasn't been addressed in the United States but in Scotland and other nations, it has made the news. More information on this can be found in "The Salvador Option exposed. Who's Blowing Up Iraq? New evidence shows that bombs are being planted by British in Basra" at the Brussels Tribunal Organization. Now we go to Jess of The Third Estate Sunday Review with an update on the unrelated threat announcement of last week, Operation Scare The Hell Out Of America.
Jess: Operation Scare The Hell Out Of America has not gone over as well as some might have hoped. The terror alert, which came just as Bully Boy began once again linking the occupation of Iraq with 9/11, is being questioned after unquestioning acceptance. Michael Weissenstein reports for the Associated Press of the alleged threat to NYC subways that "Almost as soon as the threat was made public, officials in Washington began talking it down, and Homeland Security still downplayed the threat Saturday." In D.C. the Washington Monument was closed for two hours on Friday due to an alleged bomb threat. After police searched and found nothing, the Washington Monument was reopened. Operation Scare The Hell Out of America has led to many stories being ignored such as the fact that the library group whose records are sought under the Patriot Act are still under gag order as a result of the Supreme Court denying their appeal. New opponents to the Patriot Act include the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the National Association of Manufacturers.
C.I.: Jess, this comes as two bills are working their way through Congress.
Jess: Correct. A provision in the original Patriot Act, added due to concerns on the part of some lawmakers, would have certain aspects of the legislation sunset out. As the expiration date approaches, there is a push for renewal. In the House, the renewal of components that would otherwise be phased out would renew them for ten years. The Senate version would renew them for four years.
C.I.: Republican Bob Barr's group is favoring the Senate version as the lesser of the two evils.
Jess: I hadn't found anything on that. I did find that, no surprise, Alberto Gonzales is favoring the House version. Business groups now coming out against the Patriot Act have spoken of the fact that we are no longer under threat which may offer additional explanations for the launch of Operation Scare The Hell Out of America.
C.I.: Thank you, Jess. We now go to Elaine with commentary on Bully Boy's new chat buddy, Elaine of Like Maria Said Paz.
Elaine: Scotland's The Herald delves further into the claim by Bully Boy George W. Bush that God speaks to him. Palestinian Information Minister Nabil Shaath asserts that in June of 2003, Bully Boy explained his conversations with the Lord Jesus Christ who speaks back or possibly, like Diane Keaton says in Love & Death, Bully Boy does "both parts"? William Tinning notes that Bully Boy claims: "God would tell me . . . George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan. And I did. And then God would tell me . . . George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq. And I did."
If Bully Boy is indeed hearing voices the two most likely explanations are as follows. One, William Kristol and Robert Kagan's gentle whispers have been mistaken by Bully Boy for the voice of God. Two, the strange behavior that's included numerous falls and stumbles that put the klutzy experiences of Gerald Ford to shame, despite little commentary from the press, and the psychosis claim of hearing God speak to him are signs of a serious illness that goes beyond the mere delusions many have abscribed to the Bully Boy.
C.I.: Elaine, there are people who feel that they get signs from various religious figures. What's the difference between that and what you're reporting on Bully Boy?
Elaine: Good question. It's not uncommon for people to look for or ask for a sign from above when they're making a decision. It can be a big decision or a small one. But that's not uncommon. It's not uncommon for someone to state that they feel the presence of a higher power around them. These issues go to faith and how one practices a faith. With Bully Boy, we're not hearing that. With him, we're hearing, from Shaath, that he speaks and then he hears the Lord speak back. That is not a sign, that is not feeling God around you. That is claiming that you, and apparently you alone, are speaking one on one with the Lord. That is psychosis. If it's true. Not just if Shaath is retelling what he was told accurately, but also if Bully Boy was being genuine -- always a big if. This is very serious and the press, in this country, hasn't given it the attention it deserves. Another take on it, one that Mike offered this week, at his site Mikey Likes It!, that Bully Boy's pushing the responsibility of the decisions he made off onto God. That's a likely explanation as well because, as a personality type, Bully Boy does not take responsibility for his actions. Nothing that happens has ever been his fault, in his mind, by his public statements. It's always someone else. The Not So Swift Floaties launch their attacks on John Kerry and Bully Boy acts as though he's not responsible. John McCain is targeted in 2000 and Bully Boy acts as though he's not responsible. He's arrested for a DUI and isn't honest about that while running for the United States Congress and years later will offer that he had to keep quiet because of his children, his children that, as you have pointed out, weren't even born then. There's nothing in the public record that speaks of personal accountability on his part. So it's hardly surprising that with him in a leadership role, we'd have the least accountable administration/government in recent history. The White House has denied that Bully Boy made the remarks about talking to God and God talking back. The domestic, mainstream press has not touched this story in any real manner. Possibly they're worried about offending people of faith. This isn't an issue of faith. This is a medical sympton and he needs to be asked on the record to explain or refute the remarks.
C.I.: Thank you Elaine. With entertainment news, we go to Betty of Thomas Friedman is a Great Man. Betty, I understand that you suspect someone in the oval office has been checking out ABC's fall lineup?
Betty: Correct. The question to ask is: Has Condi Rice been watching Commander-in-Chief, ABC's drama starring Geena Davis as a vice-president who becomes president after the office holder dies? As she departs for a trip that will take her to Afghanistan and throughout Asia, the Sunday Times of London reports, via anonymice, that although Rice won't run for president, she is interested in the vice-presidential post. Always the handmaiden, never the leader. Saturday, playwright August Wilson was buried in Pittsburg which was both the setting for nine of Wilson's plays as well as the town he grew up in. Wilson, who had announced in August that he was suffering from terminal liver cancer, died October 2nd. As we noted in August, the African-American playwright's ten play cycle won much praise and many awards. In an e-mail, Common Ills community member Keesha asked that I note Ma Rainey's Black Bottom as a masterpiece of the 20th century. The TV channel Al-Jazeera has added TV veteran David Frost to their lineup and he will join them this spring.
Ted Koppel will be leaving Nightline at Thanksgiving and not, as assumed, on December 4th when his contract expires. Finally, I'll note that Jennifer Lopez is currently filming Bordertown in which she will play a reporter investigating the murders and disappearances of women in Juarez.
C.I.: Lopez's co-star in that is Antonio Banderas, correct?
Betty: Correct. This will be their first onscreen teaming. The role is thought to be a return to the sort of strong role that Lopez played in Out of Sight opposite George Clooney who, since I have a few more seconds, is planning to produce a live, TV version of Network, the seventies film that took a look at the television news industry and is famous for the phrase, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
C.I.: Thank you, Betty. More information on the murders in Juarez can be found at Eve Ensler's V-Day. V-Day has been shining a light on that issue for some time. We now go to Rebecca, of Sex and Politics and Screeds and Attitude, with news from the world of nature.
Rebecca: C.I., tracking the melting of the polar caps will be more difficult as a result of CryoSat crashing into the ocean. CryoSat was a $224 million satellite launced to measure the thickness of the polar caps but it never went into orbit and instead is believed to have crashed in the North Pole region, into the Lincoln Sea. Some reports express the belief that it came apart in space before crashing to the earth. Regardless, the tracking transmitter was not thought to be working. Meanwhile, Canada's CBC reports that outbreaks of bird flu have been found in Romania and Turkey.
Want to ride a camel in Australia? Take along a "poo bag." Australia's ABC reports that "the amount of camel dung" on Cable Beach has become an issue and "poo bags" are now required.
The think tank Worldwatch Institute, speaking at the 18th World Petroleum Congress, declared that fossil fuels were becoming a thing of the past and that the oil executives in attendance should ask themselves if they were "in the oil business or the energy business." In other energy news, America get ready to get your war on harder. Oil sands in the far noth of Canada are thought to contain "the equivalent of 1.7 trillion barrels of oil." Kevin G. Hall's report for Knight Ridder also notes that "Canada already quietly has surpassed Saudi Arabia as the United States' largest foreign supplier of crude oil and petroleum products."
The Independent of London's Geoffrey Lean reports that genetically modified crops pollute the ground for "up to fifteen years after" harvesting. Of the study and its impact, Lean notes, "Financed by GM companies and Margaret Beckett's Department of the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, the report effectively torpedoes the Government's strategy for introducing GM oilseed rape to this country."
C.I.: Thank you, Rebecca. For a grab bag of items not covered elsewhere, we go to The Third Estate Sunday Review's Ava.
Ava: C.I., following up on Rebecca's look at the environment, I'll begin by noting that a mudslide is thought to have killed 1400 people in Guatemala. Mario Cruz, spokesman for the Fire Brigrade, has stated that there are no survivors. India, Pakistan and Afghanistan have been rocked by an earthquake that's thought to have killed 1800 people in Pakistan alone, with 300 people thought to be dead in India. With regards to Afghanistan, Scotland's Sunday Herald reports that: "Given the remoteness of so many communities it may take weeks to know the full death toll. " The Sunday Times of London has an excerpt from James Yee's book For God and Country: Faith and Patriotism Under Fire. Yee, a Muslim chaplain at Guantanamo Bay, was falsely accused by the United States government of espionage, charges that were bandied about by various news outlets who assisted the government in smearing Yee. The book is his response and offers an inside look at conditions in Guantamao Bay. As noted by the International Federation of Journalists, workers at Canada's CBC have ended their fifty day walk-out and appear victorious in contract talks. Finally, what's happened to TV's The Smurfs since the animated cartoon stopped production of new episodes? Canada's The Windsor Star reports that, in a new cartoon put out by UNICEF, the village the animated cartoon characters reside in is destroyed by bombs dropped by war planes.
C.I.: Thank you, Ava for including the promised update on The Smurfs. The reason for the cartoon?
Ava: Unicef is attempting to raise awareness on the victims of bombings. The cartoon has already began airing in Belgium.
C.I.: Thank you. For our final report, on the world of music, we go to Kat of Kat's Corner (of The Common Ills). Kat?
Kat: This week, check your local listings, PBS will air a documentary on funk master and pioneer George Clinton on Independent Lens. Saturday's broadcast of The Laura Flanders Show featured a discussion on this documentary in the third hour. In other news, the Beastie Boys are denying rumors of a breakup. November 8th sees the release of the group's first hits collection entitled Solid Gold Hits. The Black Eyed Peas will be performing a free concert as part of Honda Civic Live that will take place October 22nd and 23rd. The Independent of London has a wide ranging interview with Carly Simon entitled "Carly Simon: Boho Queen" where Carly discusses breast cancer, meeting Mick Jagger, marriage to James Taylor, her current marriage to poet Jim Hart, and various other topics including Joni Mitchell. Carly's Moonlight Serenade is released in England Monday. Stevie Wonder, who played harmonica on "As Time Goes By" for Carly Simon's Coming Around Again, album not only has a new album coming out, as noted last week, entitled A Time To Love and due to be released October 18th, he's also discussing participating in a new surgery, involving microchips, that, if successful, would allow him to see. December 1st, Comedy Central's The Daily Show will feature it's first musical performance when the White Stripes come on to perform and be interviewed by Jon Stewart. Rolling Stone reports that Police guitarist Andy Summers is working on an autobiography to be entitled One Train Later. Rolling Stone also reports that a new concert film from Greenday will debut in select theaters at the start of November. On November 15, the film, entitled Bullet In A Bible, will be released on DVD.
C.I.: Thank you, Kat. And that wraps up The Third Estate Sunday Review News Review for 10-09-05. As always Jim and Dona, both of The Third Estate Sunday Review, worked behind the scenes to edit, research and keep things running smoothly. In addition thanks to Jess' parents who help with the research and to Dallas who hunts down links.
iraq
the smurfs
iraq constitution
the patriot act
carly simon
august wilson
stevie wonder
george clinton
oil
environment
bird flu
jennifer lopez
david frost
the third estate sunday review
sex and politics and screeds and attitude
kats korner
like maria said paz
the common ills
thomas friedman is a great man
Mikey Likes It
posted by Third Estate Sunday Review @ Sunday, October 09, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
The lies Thomas Friedman tells
The lies that you tell
Will leave you alone
They'll keep you down
They'll catch you,
And trip you up.
That's what I told my husband Thomas Friedman last Thursday.
It had been such a nice morning - so nice that it was easy to forget Thomas Friedman was even around.
He was gobbling down his morning vitamins and must have been feeling his Cheerios because, in the midst of a Bewitched marathon, he turns off the TV and asks me if I'd like to go to the beach?
Since I've yet to get the smell of Thomas Friedman out of our apartment, the question was rhetorical. While I was off in D.C. chanting Power to the People with Elaine and Gail Collins, Thomas Friedman had shut himself in our apartment and the "old people" smell seemed to be on every drape, every sheep, every towel.
We hurried down to West 43rd so Thomas Friedman could grab Billy Keller's car. (Thomas Friedman calls him Billy Kiss Ass.) There was some confusion because Billy was waiting in a pair of baggy shorts with zinc on his nose and the cutest sunglasses. They were tiny rectangles with black frames, the lenses were purple. I happened to compliment Billy on them which led Thomas Friedman to rip them off Billy, hand them to me and say, "They're yours now."
Watching Billy's chest heave and seeing him bite his lip, I was tempted to give them back but it's so rare that Thomas Friedman gifts me with anything.
"But Thomas Friedman," Billy whined, "I thought it was going to be just you and me!"
Thomas Friedman told him to "scat" before he made Billy turn over his lunch money. Stomping his foot, Billy said he didn't want to go anyway, with Judy Miller due to be released from jail later that day, he was "Quite busy, thank you very much."
Billy did an arm wave & snap combo as he said "thank you very much." Poor misguided white boy.
Thomas Friedman started the car and yelled that Billy should go easy on Judy because "I heard at the end she was putting out for a pack of smokes and nylons!"
Before Billy could think of a reply, and we waited with the car idling for about ten minutes, we were already tooling down the road.
We ended up in an "exotic land." That's what Thomas Friedman told me anyway. I'm not as dumb as I used to be and saw the now-entering-New-Jersey signs.
But it was Asbury Park and who can complain, right?
Thomas Friedman parked in handicapped and while I doubt few would dispute that as an apt description of his mental condition, Billy's car had no handicap sticker. Thomas Friedman waves his hands to indicate he could care less and we were walking around taking in the sights.
It was a little too crowded on the boardwalk and Thomas Friedman was attracting stares.
"I'm such a rock star," he whispered to me.
I'm not sure it was recognition that attracted the stares. Myself, I think it had more to do with his silk shorty robe which he wore with flip flops and a lime green speedo. The speedo Thomas Friedman insisted upon calling a "bananna hammock" though I myself felt the more accurate term would be "crayola caddy."
So we ended up at the Jersey shore. Thomas Friedman was running off down the beach as I spread the beach towel and pulled out the latest Terry McMillan. Stella married a gay guy -- who knew?
I started wondering what that said of Taye Diggs but soon fell into a restful nap.
I was awoken by shouting and looked up to see Thomas Friedman laughing with another man of his age group. Giggling, they pulled it out and began peeing on the sand castle I'm guessing they built.
"You pee like a pro!" laughed the other man.
"No, Cohen, you pee like a pro!" laughed Thomas back.
"I piss like a racehorse!" the older man exclaimed.
Dark clouds crossed the sun as Thomas suddenly glared at the man.
"What are you trying to say, Richard?"
Oh, Thomas Friedman was pissed off.
And now he was aiming his urine at the other man who lept backwards, lost his footing and fell to the ground.
Thomas Friedman, gloating, stood over him and continued urinating.
"Still think you're going to be 'the dean' when Broder retires?" Thomas Friedman mocked.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Mrs. K had long explained to me that the op-ed field was cut throat and "a real pissing match" but I had no idea she was speaking literally.
Running over, I grabbed Thomas Friedman's shoulder and scolded him for behaving this way.
But Thomas Friedman just giggled and ran over to where I'd set up to retrieve his coloring book and crayolas.
"Are you okay?" I asked the gray haired, older man.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Betinna Friedman. Thomas Friedman's wife."
"Tom got remarried?"
Suddenly, I didn't care too much about this urine soaked old codger. There was just something about the way his eyebrows shot up on that question that made me wonder if the real question didn't continue to include the phrase "to a black woman?"
As I walked up to Thomas Friedman he asked of the man and I replied that he was fine, just pissed off.
"No, pissed on," Thomas Friedman giggled maniacly.
I was a chapter into my book when Thomas Friedman shoved the coloring book at me. Thinking maybe he had managed to stay inside the lines, I took it only to find his latest op-ed "A Letter From the Shores of Iraq."
I was appalled. He was still pretending to be in Iraq.
"You can't lie like this," I told him but he just giggled, rolled over on his back, played with his belly and started singing, "There ain't no more room here, no more room here, no more room on this planet to go."
I have no idea what he was singing but he said the song held the answer to why we were in Iraq.
I told him a shorty robe did not make him the Dahli Lama. I then told him, quoting from a Carly Simon song "Love You By Heart," that:
The lies that you tell
Will leave you alone
They'll keep you down
They'll catch you
And trip you up.
Thomas Friedman told me I just didn't "get it." If I "got it" I would understand that no one was ever in real trouble for schilling for the administration. Sure Judy Miller got her bangs singed but only because she wanted to go "mano o mano with Fitzgerald." If she'd just done like Tim Russert and the others and testified to the grand jury to begin with, no one would say a word. Look at how pleasing the tales became about Matthew Cooper once he came around?
"We all protect each other," Thomas Friedman said ignoring my disbelief.
"Even old Cohen," Thomas Friedman said pointing to the man he'd urinated on who was now to be found splashing himself with ocean water, "he won't say one word. That's the game, Betinna, that's the way it works."
"But Thomas Friedman, the war is wrong. I was in D.C. and I can tell you that the country has turned against it."
"Doesn't matter," Thomas Friedman said digging lint out of his belly button before examining and then tasting it. "The administration wanted a war and people like me gave them the war, got the public to taste it and want it. That's the way it works."
"Well that is just disgusting."
"That's life," Thomas Friedman chuckled.
We really had nothing else to say to one another after that.
I was aware he made up the cabbies and airline passengers and all the rest. But that he would deliberatly lie about something other than imaginary people feeding him compliments honestly shocked me.
Even when we went back to the car and saw the police had put a boot on Billy's car, we had nothing to say to one another. One of us asked, "Cab?" and the other shrugged.
I had seen the face of true malice, a face with an unruly, ungroomed mustache over yellowed teeth, a face that would never be lined with concern over the mounting casualities and fatalities.
I had a feeling nothing would ever be the same.
thomas friedman
gail collins
bill keller
judy miller
judith miller
tim russert
richard cohen
matt cooper
like maria said paz
the common ills
carly simon
love you by heart
grace slick
paul kantner
sunfighter
Will leave you alone
They'll keep you down
They'll catch you,
And trip you up.
That's what I told my husband Thomas Friedman last Thursday.
It had been such a nice morning - so nice that it was easy to forget Thomas Friedman was even around.
He was gobbling down his morning vitamins and must have been feeling his Cheerios because, in the midst of a Bewitched marathon, he turns off the TV and asks me if I'd like to go to the beach?
Since I've yet to get the smell of Thomas Friedman out of our apartment, the question was rhetorical. While I was off in D.C. chanting Power to the People with Elaine and Gail Collins, Thomas Friedman had shut himself in our apartment and the "old people" smell seemed to be on every drape, every sheep, every towel.
We hurried down to West 43rd so Thomas Friedman could grab Billy Keller's car. (Thomas Friedman calls him Billy Kiss Ass.) There was some confusion because Billy was waiting in a pair of baggy shorts with zinc on his nose and the cutest sunglasses. They were tiny rectangles with black frames, the lenses were purple. I happened to compliment Billy on them which led Thomas Friedman to rip them off Billy, hand them to me and say, "They're yours now."
Watching Billy's chest heave and seeing him bite his lip, I was tempted to give them back but it's so rare that Thomas Friedman gifts me with anything.
"But Thomas Friedman," Billy whined, "I thought it was going to be just you and me!"
Thomas Friedman told him to "scat" before he made Billy turn over his lunch money. Stomping his foot, Billy said he didn't want to go anyway, with Judy Miller due to be released from jail later that day, he was "Quite busy, thank you very much."
Billy did an arm wave & snap combo as he said "thank you very much." Poor misguided white boy.
Thomas Friedman started the car and yelled that Billy should go easy on Judy because "I heard at the end she was putting out for a pack of smokes and nylons!"
Before Billy could think of a reply, and we waited with the car idling for about ten minutes, we were already tooling down the road.
We ended up in an "exotic land." That's what Thomas Friedman told me anyway. I'm not as dumb as I used to be and saw the now-entering-New-Jersey signs.
But it was Asbury Park and who can complain, right?
Thomas Friedman parked in handicapped and while I doubt few would dispute that as an apt description of his mental condition, Billy's car had no handicap sticker. Thomas Friedman waves his hands to indicate he could care less and we were walking around taking in the sights.
It was a little too crowded on the boardwalk and Thomas Friedman was attracting stares.
"I'm such a rock star," he whispered to me.
I'm not sure it was recognition that attracted the stares. Myself, I think it had more to do with his silk shorty robe which he wore with flip flops and a lime green speedo. The speedo Thomas Friedman insisted upon calling a "bananna hammock" though I myself felt the more accurate term would be "crayola caddy."
So we ended up at the Jersey shore. Thomas Friedman was running off down the beach as I spread the beach towel and pulled out the latest Terry McMillan. Stella married a gay guy -- who knew?
I started wondering what that said of Taye Diggs but soon fell into a restful nap.
I was awoken by shouting and looked up to see Thomas Friedman laughing with another man of his age group. Giggling, they pulled it out and began peeing on the sand castle I'm guessing they built.
"You pee like a pro!" laughed the other man.
"No, Cohen, you pee like a pro!" laughed Thomas back.
"I piss like a racehorse!" the older man exclaimed.
Dark clouds crossed the sun as Thomas suddenly glared at the man.
"What are you trying to say, Richard?"
Oh, Thomas Friedman was pissed off.
And now he was aiming his urine at the other man who lept backwards, lost his footing and fell to the ground.
Thomas Friedman, gloating, stood over him and continued urinating.
"Still think you're going to be 'the dean' when Broder retires?" Thomas Friedman mocked.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Mrs. K had long explained to me that the op-ed field was cut throat and "a real pissing match" but I had no idea she was speaking literally.
Running over, I grabbed Thomas Friedman's shoulder and scolded him for behaving this way.
But Thomas Friedman just giggled and ran over to where I'd set up to retrieve his coloring book and crayolas.
"Are you okay?" I asked the gray haired, older man.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Betinna Friedman. Thomas Friedman's wife."
"Tom got remarried?"
Suddenly, I didn't care too much about this urine soaked old codger. There was just something about the way his eyebrows shot up on that question that made me wonder if the real question didn't continue to include the phrase "to a black woman?"
As I walked up to Thomas Friedman he asked of the man and I replied that he was fine, just pissed off.
"No, pissed on," Thomas Friedman giggled maniacly.
I was a chapter into my book when Thomas Friedman shoved the coloring book at me. Thinking maybe he had managed to stay inside the lines, I took it only to find his latest op-ed "A Letter From the Shores of Iraq."
I was appalled. He was still pretending to be in Iraq.
"You can't lie like this," I told him but he just giggled, rolled over on his back, played with his belly and started singing, "There ain't no more room here, no more room here, no more room on this planet to go."
I have no idea what he was singing but he said the song held the answer to why we were in Iraq.
I told him a shorty robe did not make him the Dahli Lama. I then told him, quoting from a Carly Simon song "Love You By Heart," that:
The lies that you tell
Will leave you alone
They'll keep you down
They'll catch you
And trip you up.
Thomas Friedman told me I just didn't "get it." If I "got it" I would understand that no one was ever in real trouble for schilling for the administration. Sure Judy Miller got her bangs singed but only because she wanted to go "mano o mano with Fitzgerald." If she'd just done like Tim Russert and the others and testified to the grand jury to begin with, no one would say a word. Look at how pleasing the tales became about Matthew Cooper once he came around?
"We all protect each other," Thomas Friedman said ignoring my disbelief.
"Even old Cohen," Thomas Friedman said pointing to the man he'd urinated on who was now to be found splashing himself with ocean water, "he won't say one word. That's the game, Betinna, that's the way it works."
"But Thomas Friedman, the war is wrong. I was in D.C. and I can tell you that the country has turned against it."
"Doesn't matter," Thomas Friedman said digging lint out of his belly button before examining and then tasting it. "The administration wanted a war and people like me gave them the war, got the public to taste it and want it. That's the way it works."
"Well that is just disgusting."
"That's life," Thomas Friedman chuckled.
We really had nothing else to say to one another after that.
I was aware he made up the cabbies and airline passengers and all the rest. But that he would deliberatly lie about something other than imaginary people feeding him compliments honestly shocked me.
Even when we went back to the car and saw the police had put a boot on Billy's car, we had nothing to say to one another. One of us asked, "Cab?" and the other shrugged.
I had seen the face of true malice, a face with an unruly, ungroomed mustache over yellowed teeth, a face that would never be lined with concern over the mounting casualities and fatalities.
I had a feeling nothing would ever be the same.
thomas friedman
gail collins
bill keller
judy miller
judith miller
tim russert
richard cohen
matt cooper
like maria said paz
the common ills
carly simon
love you by heart
grace slick
paul kantner
sunfighter
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