I do love that one.
Each Sunday, "Desperate Housewives" airs on ABC. Last week, I missed two things. I didn't realize it until watching the new episode. The Australian who's about to lose everything? Mike saw him with a suitcase of cash. I have no idea what happened there because it was just a snippet in the recap but Mike (Susan's husband) also told him that Renee got $12 million in her divorce.
With that in mind, let's do what happened last night.
Let me start with Lynette because I do so loathe her. She realizes it's over with Tom (she's 'realized' that before). So she asks Gabby and Renee to fix her up. They explain she's not an easy fix up. And try to do it nicely but, as Renee says to Gabby, "Oh, we're not sugar coating anymore?"
Lynette goes to Renee's salon with her where Renee makes sure that her appointment for the next day is booked. Lynette sees Renee's hair dresser and thinks he'd be perfect for her. Renee fixes her up.
The man explains on their date that he divorced his wife because she always made him feel bad about himself. Yeah, that does sound like Lynette. The guy just wants to cut hair, he's happy with that. But it's not good enough for Lynette who writes a 5-year-plan on napkin for him and insults him like crazy.
Renee shows up to get her hair done the next day. The hair dresser tells her he owes her for the date. She's so happy it went well.
She shows up at Lynette with basically a fro. She says he made her look like Foxy Brown (Pam Grier character in the 70s). She tells Lynette he was the only man in the whole town who knew how to style Black hair and now she can't go to him because of what Lynette did.
Lynette's got a ton of excuses as usual. Renee doesn't have the time.
Renee gets proposed to by the Australian.
She says that this is so fast and he tells her she can take her time on answering him.
She tells him yes. That no one's made her feel so safe and so wanted and, after her divorce, she was afraid she'd never be able to trust a man again but, yes, yes!
He then says he can't do this. He tells her that he only proposed because his business is in trouble and he needs money.
Renee can't believe it. She storms out of his place -- smashing something in the process.
Later she'll tell Lynette they aren't seeing one another anymore but won't explain. The Australian will borrow money from the mob (I think Mike set that up last week but I'm guessing because I missed that scene). The guy will warn him of danger if he doesn't pay back in time and then bring up that they won't have to worry about that because he's seeing Renee and she's a millionaire. The Australian tells him to leave her out of it.
As the woman who was married to Gabby's step-father basically says when Susan asks how she was found, 'You gave me a personal check with your address on it!'
Last season concluded with the death of Gabby's step-father. He molested her when she was 15. He shows up and threatens her and Carlos walks in on this and pulls him away from Gabby and ends up accidentally killing him. Gabby, Susan, Lynette and Bree agree to keep quiet and cover it up.
Last week, Susan went to Oklahoma to find the step-father's current wife. She discovered a 15-year-old step-daughter as well. Susan bought some crap that she pretended was worth money to help the family out. (The personal check.) She spoke to the girl and found out the girl was being molested as well. She told the girl that the step-father would never hurt her again and wasn't coming back.
She repeated the not coming back part to her mother.
They show up at Susan's door.
She's convinced Susan's sleeping with her husband.
She then puts fliers all over the neighborhood with her husband's picture.
Susan's pulling them down when Gabby sees them and wants to know how this happened. Susan fills her in (the visit to Oklahoma, the check) and Gabby is furious. They were finally in the clear, she insists.
Why, Gabby wants to know, did Susan tell the mother the husband wouldn't be coming back?
Susan explains she told the daughter, the 15-year-old daughter.
Gabby asks if she was being molested too and Susan says yes.
Gabby's no longer mad at Susan. She tells Susan to call the woman and tell her Gabby wants to meet her.
So Susan takes her over to Gabby's and the daughter stays in the car. Gabby's got Renee and Lynette redecorating so people are hauling things out and rolling up carpet and they ask about a red stain (the step-father's blood) on the back of the carpet and Gabby says it's red wine.
She leads the woman into the kitchen and the woman's rude and mad.
And how does Gabby know her husband?
Because, before he changed his name, he was her step-father. And he sexually molested her.
The woman goes off on Gabby calling her a liar and worse.
But Susan and the girl walk in and the girl says something like, 'if you won't believe her, believe me.'
And then the mother's horrified and shocked by what the step-father did to her daughter.
Later, they drop back at Gabby's. The girl hugs Gabby and the mother tells Gabby thank you. She nods to the rolled up carpet with the 'red wine' stain exposed and tells her she should be sure to get rid of that.
That's everybody but Bree. Renee and Bree owned the episode. Susan wasn't on enough and Gabby needed a scene that the writers left out. She needed to tell the girl that the event won't define her, that she'll go on to have a good life. The little girl was so upset that they really needed that scene.
So Bree's still going to the "dive" Renee took her too. And picking up men.
A variety we learn in the montage that there's a voice over on top of at the start.
Bree's exploring and finding out who she is.
Who she is one lucky lady because she ends up with Cameron something. I was not a huge "All My Children" fan but Cameron played Ryan and he hit hard on Erica when he was first on the show including stripping in front of her at the office. What a body.
So she's taken him home and they're in bed together and she looks over at the clock. 4:00 am! He's got to go. The old woman (that Renee always razzes) lives next door to Bree and, Bree says, she starts her coffee at 5:00 am and if Cam is still there it will be all over the neighborhood.
So she hauls him out of bed. He's going down the stairs in his underwear and she pulls his pants off the banister and hands them to her.
Can they see each other again? No, Bree says. She won't even give him her name. He leaves you with the impression that there will be more. (And you don't bring Cameron on for just one scene.)
So Bree continues picking up men. She wakes up and it's like ten or something and a man's in bed with her. Didn't the alarm go off!!!! Yes, but he turned it off. She tells him he's got to get out. And there's a knock at her door.
She hurries downstairs. It's nosy neighbor. At the church bake sell, she always does lemon squares but now another woman says she's going to do them and blah, blah, blah. While that's going on, right behind the woman is the half-naked man getting dressed.
Bree tells her she'll tell the woman to make something else and that takes care of everything. Nosy says something like, yeah, except why there's a naked man behind me.
Bree lies that he's an old friend. As he walks past her, she says, "Bye, Don." He corrects her with "Dan." Nosy feels vindicated. Bree owns up to it. Nosy looks around and sees an open bottle of wine and two glasses.
Bree is back at the dive with a young man and they're flirting. He's flexing his biceps and she's stroking them. And then her Reverend comes up. Nosy told him Bree was drinking and sleeping around.
Bree agrees to leave but he's lecturing her and telling her that he knows her and she stops in her foot tracks and asks how he can known her when she doesn't even know who she is?
She decides to stay at the dive. He tells her she can't be the head of the church's women auxillary. She refuses to be intimidated. He tells her she can't run the bake sell. She says she's ran it for 8 years.
The next morning, she makes some great looking dish and has multiple glasses of wine while she does. Now I can understand the drinking. Bree's an alcoholic. What I can't understand is her driving drunk and clearly she drove to the church on her own.
Yes, alcoholics drive drunk but are we forgetting that Bree's son killed Carlos' mother by running her over while he was drunk?
Anyway, Bree goes into the church for the bake sale. Nosy and the Reverend exchange looks. The reverend tells her she needs to leave, she refuses to. He tells her she's obviously been drinking and will embarrass herself. And she blows him off.
Her dish is very popular.
And guess who shows up for a slice?
And Bree asks if they should just go back to her place.
That's when Cameron's wife shows up. Bree didn't know he was married.
The woman attacks Bree and calls her a "whore" while everyone's looking.
Bree holds her head up high, tells everyone to go ahead and talk about her and prances out.
"Iraq snapshot" (The Common Ills):